After you read this post, you should just go home. It’s not going to get any better than this video:
OH YES THEY DID.
I don’t even know where to start with my favorite things. Their hair? Their bling?! The fact that Elisha Archibald “Archie” Manning III is sitting on a golden throne? The terrible, yet apt metaphors? Eli walking right through Alexander Graham Bell? I could go on forever!
This video leaves me with two questions:
1. Where do I sign up?
2. How tall are the Manning brothers, really? (Or is this normal-looking dude just distressingly short?)
What are you still doing here? You haven’t died and gone to football heaven yet? Okay, okay, one more video since you stuck with me! Here’s a preview video of the Bengals on Hard Knocks. Ice baths! Slow motion! Dramatically ominous music! The only thing that could possibly make this even better is if T.O. (who is still trying to make a comeback) joins training camp. Did you watch last night?!
All I want is a little overly dramatic fun. Although the NFL’s goal this off-season/pre-season is to eliminate all fun from games.
Tackling at training camp? Who needs it?
Kickoffs at the Pro Bowl? Not anymore!
And now: Ball spinning as a touchdown celebration. Can’t do it! Steve Smith and I are rather upset about this. In fact, I get upset anytime the NFL bans any form of celebration that doesn’t physically harm anyone. Seriously, these dudes are football players. I think they can take a little taunting, as long as it’s in good taste and/or funny. A girl’s got to have standards.
It’s such a great Wednesday, let’s throw in another bonus video! That other football sure is confusing sometimes (but at least they’re allowed to celebrate goals!)
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. Both Manning brothers are nearly a foot taller than her, but don’t worry, you can’t tell on Twitter: @ebritter2.