The Capitals, as you may well have guessed, did not clean up at the awards. In fact, only one Capital even got a vote for any award: Marcus Johansson, who came in 23rd for the Lady Byng. Apparently someone looked at his stats, saw 8 PIM, and thought, “Better not overthink it.”

More excitingly, the Capitals received some gentle mockery! After the success of the 2010 digital shorts featuring Bobby “Silver” Ryan and his gold-medal-winning teammates, the NHL has embraced the humorous skit format. Will Arnett had a series of shorts where he played Brendan Shanahan and handed out suspensions for trivial offenses (Will Arnett has a long history of Brendan Shanahan love). The joke in this one was, I assume, that Alex Ovechkin would never drive a Honda. Or possibly that he isn’t good at parking. Both equally true. Also delightful: MIKE GREEN MOPED JOKES. I think I speak for everyone in the entire world when I say we aren’t sick of them.

Maybe next year the Caps will do something to merit awards, but until then, we have only October 12 vs. NJD to look forward to. (And the draft. That’s tomorrow!)

Serves me right for complaining about taking all these games to the shootout. I would’ve been pretty satisfied with that result. It’s like we have the meanest amount of breathing room and we think we’re off the hook. Who cares if we drop 2 valuable points to the Tampa Bay “Already Eliminated” Lightning?
» Continue reading “Capitals Roll Over To Lightning, Proffer Belly”

Spieglein, Spieglen, an der Wand – zeig mir wer der Beste ist, im ganzen Land!

Vezina: Roberto Luongo of the Canucks, Pekka Rinne of the Predators, Tim Thomas of the Bruins.It’s pretty well-known among my peers that I have not just a weakness for goalies, but an especial weakness for Finnish goalies. Pekka Rinne is a franchise ‘tender and it’s a great deal thanks to him that Nashville has enjoyed unprecedented success this season (and worked its way up to that success in seasons gone by). And Thomas was fantastic this year, stilling the tongues of critics who said he had one Vezina-worthy season that bamboozled Chiarelli into giving him a raise before sinking back into mediocrity. But as I said before: the Vezina is not won on merit. Luongo will win it, because he hasn’t before and yet surely he deserves it. It’s not that he doesn’t deserve it, but the PHWA has been waiting for Brodeur to start truly sucking before they can finally reward Luongo, and there’s no way they hand it to anyone else.

P.S. I adore Georges Vézina. His nickname was the Chicoutimi Cucumber because he was so calm and collected. When the Stanley Cup match of 1919 was cancelled because of a breakout of the Spanish ‘Flu, he was one of the few players who was unaffected. He paid for this later when he collapsed in his crease in 1925 due to pneumonia, which killed him the next year.

Calder: Islanders’ Michael Grabner, Sharks’ Logan Couture, Hurricanes’ Jeff Skinner.While it doesn’t matter in the official voting, I can’t help but be swayed by the postseason. Every fibre of my being wants Grabner to win, but a good-natured Twitter and my natural bias towards German speakers are enough to sway only my heart — not my head. Skinner’s accomplishments were greater in reminding Carolina they have a hockey team (good work at the All Star Game) and serving as the butt of jokes due to his figure skating background. Couture was good in the regular season and fabulous in the post, which shouldn’t matter, but it does.

Regardless of who wins, it won’t be as entertaining as last year’s Calder award, which a drunk Mark Wahlberg tried to award to Tie Domi.

Hart: Anaheim Ducks, Corey Perry. Vancouver Canucks, Daniel Sedin. Tampa Bay Lightning, Martin St. Louis. Here we have nearly the opposite problem. I throw my weight behind Daniel Sedin, after a wonderful season and (until recently) a lacklustre playoffs. Of the three nominees, he is the one I would be most scared to see on the ice. Regarding Mr. Perry: since when is half a season of quality play considered MVP-worthy? Maybe I’m still bitter over Mike Green losing the Norris when he scored a goal in eight games straight (which, FYI, broke a record of Bobby Orr’s) but to me Perry lighting up post-All Star Game is kind of like Lee Stempniak scoring roughly 1 million goals after being traded to Phoenix. I mean, we know Perry is capable of such things, but he wasn’t consistent the way, say, Sedin is. And I’m just as impressed by Teemu Selanne, though that’s more because he’s replacing Chris Chelios as the punchline for old hockey player jokes, though with one key difference: he’s actually good.

I think the fact that I forgot Marty St. Louis was up for this award should speak volumes about why he shouldn’t win it.
Regarding the Pearson Lindsay, St. Louis was replaced by teammate Steven Stamkos in the nominees. I certainly favour him over St. Louis, but I reckon if Daniel Sedin wins the Hart, he takes the Lindsay as well. The PHWA and NHLPA don’t tend to differ that much.

Awards are June 22; a brief oasis in the desert of the offseason.

Today I’ll look at some of the more notable NHL awards, aka the ones that no Capitals are up for.

Jack Adams: Dan Bylsma of the Penguins, Barry Trotz of the Predators, Alain Vigneault of the Canucks. So give me a second here: what did Dan Bylsma actually DO this season? I thought we just learned that once the Penguins are stripped of Crosby and Malkin, stick a fork in them. I mean, obviously I hate the guy after seeing him in 24/7 (what was that you said about Neuvy again? “This goalie isn’t that good“? Cram it up your cramhole, Bylsma.) but personal biases aside, I don’t think he actually did all that much. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s getting the nod because the team managed to make the playoffs sans Crosby&Malkin. Trotz and Vigneault are both in the same boat — they found the magical spell necessary to get their formerly disappointing-but-still-upper-tier teams past some perviously insurmountable threshold. I think that the Predators’ transformation was more magical (Vancouver’s was more “having defenceman be healthy”) so let’s hear it for Trotz.

Lady Byng: Stars’ Loui Eriksson (10 PIM), Red Wings’ Nick Lidstrom (20 PIM), Lightning’s Martin St. Louis (12 PIM). Loui Eriksson had the fewest PIM, so I guess he gets it. What more can I say? “Gentlemanliness” is a nice idea, but it’s not what I look for in the game of hockey. The idea is “was a gentleman but didn’t let that stop him from being a good hockey player” which is a funny but potentially troublesome idea if you subscribe to the idea that gentlemanliness is something everyone should aspire to. However, I genuinely like Chris Pronger so you probably shouldn’t listen to me on this subject. Incidentally, having two Swedes up for Lady Byng isn’t exactly hurting Don Cherry’s “Europeans are soft” argument.

Norris: Nick Lidstrom, Zdeno Chara (Bruins), and Shea Weber (Predators) up for the James Norris Memorial Trophy, Lidstrom has six, which is a nice even number, whereas Chara needs another so he has matching bookends. Honestly I prefer Weber but the NHL awards are just not awarded on merit. The Vezina was the worst offender: Hasek won it for so many years that he boxed out Brodeur, so Brodeur won it when he didn’t deserve it because he didn’t win it when he did deserve it. I know I haven’t really been clear this paragraph but I reckon Lidstrom will win it simply because the Professional Hockey Writers thought, “Shit, it’s that time of year again? A defenceman, a defenceman, a defenceman, hmmm… Lidstrom’s still playing, right?” I’m more of a new blood sort of person, which is why I advocate for Weber, but the sad fact of the sports (and sportswriting) industry is that the status quo is king.

NHL Awards: Still June 22 on Versus, still hosted by Jay Mohr. I understand if you take a pass.

As I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath, here are some NHL Awards Predictions! I’ll start with some of the lamer awards and work up to the ones we care about, though lame is relative — I certainly care more about the NHL Foundation award than, say, Best Animated Feature Film at the Oscars.

Masterton: I don’t really want to speculate, because this is the “overcoming obstacles” trophy or the “who dealt with the worst problem this season” trophy, and winning it isn’t necessarily a good thing. Last year our own Jose Theodore won it for dealing with the death of his infant son during the season and delivered a heartbreaking acceptance speech. But here’s a great article by Mike Vogel about the Capitals’ submission for the (Bill) Masterton Memorial Trophy, Matt “Bendy Hendy” Hendricks.

Anyway, the three dudes actually up for it Ray Emery, Daymond Langkow, and Ian Laperriere. All three of these stories are just plain ol’ returns from injury — nothing, you know, TRAGIC. That said, I’m going with Emery, because he came back from a debilitating disease with a terrifying name (avascular necrosis), whereas Langkow only got hit in the face with a slap shot and Laperriere didn’t even play this season.

Selke: Well, Datsyuk has a grand total of 15 regular season PIM, which means… it can’t be… he fought, making him ineligible for the Lady Byng. Therefore, he’s got to win the other Pavel Datsyuk award, the (Frank J.) Selke Trophy for best defensive forward. The other nominees are Ryan “didn’t come into his own until the playoffs” Kesler and Jonathan “has a perfectly good chance to win, but I don’t like him” Toews, which is why, in the end, I am forced to chose Pasha. Actually, Kesler has a better chance to unseat Datsyuk, as he came perilously close to last year, with the Selke voting the closest off all tallies. Still, let Datsyuk have it as the Detroit Dynasty comes to an end, eh?

GM Award: Mike Gillis of the Canucks, Steve Yzerman of the Lightning, and David Poile of the Predators. I’d cast my vote for Poile, because he seems to have finally found a winning combination in Nashville that broke through to the second round and, more importantly, galvanized a generally apathetic fanbase. I don’t give Gillis a whole lot of credit for this year specifically — having a healthy blue line helped the Canucks more than any significant roster chances — and while Yzerman did make a lot of strong acquisitions, I think the Lightning’s success is equally due to the maturation of players like Stamkos and Hedman. And, you know, I’m biased. The nicest thing I’ll say about the Lightning is that Vinny Lecavalier is dreamy.

I’d also like to make a special note about the NHL Foundation Award. It’s the community service award, which is why — like the Masterton — it’s a bit silly to pick a winner. How does one objectively measure the comparative merits of charity work? That said, this is the second year running Mike Green is up for it. Let’s be honest for a moment: when you think Mike Green, you think silly mohawk, you think playoff disappearance, you think Vespa, for crying out loud. You don’t think of his work with underprivileged children, or his contributions to local hospitals, or his efforts to create green areas for children to play. Before last year, even the fans didn’t really know how much work he does for the community. Mike Green’s image is that of a not-so-bright party boy, who makes dubious fashion choices and occasionally neglects his defensive responsibilities. He doesn’t flaunt his charity work like a status symbol. All four of these men — Dustin Brown and the brothers Sedin are the other nominees — are worthy of the award, but regardless of who wins it, I’m proud of Mike Green.

And the special VC Chillin’ award for “Reason I Will Only Be Watching the Awards Part of the NHL Awards Show” goes to Jay “Hockey Sucks” Mohr, host of the NHL Awards for the second year running. Look, drunk Mark Wahlberg was more entertaining than you, as was horribly awkward Sidney Crosby and barely-restrained-rage Marty Brodeur.

Remember, awards are June 22!