General Manager George McPhee, commonly known around these parts as GMGM, has confirmed that Mike Knuble will NOT be back as a member of our Washington Capitals.

It’s well known around these parts that I’m a fan of Mike Knuble. Perhaps the entry on the night of his 1000th game will jog your memory if you did not recall that fact. Mike Knuble is OUTLANDISHLY important to my life.

There is one friend with whom it is inviolate tradition to begin every evening of joyous celebration with a toast “To Mike Knuble!” and may the gods strike us if we forget.

Another friend who knows nothing of hockey whatsoever, but has committed to memory that, as I once said to her, “I cannot be friends with anyone who does not know who Mike Knuble is,” and henceforth has made mention to me, “Annie? Uh, Mike Knuble? I remember that, but why?”

And a third, who, when I said “MIKE KNUBLE GONE WHY” replied “OH GOD NO” despite having no interest in hockey herself.

To those reactions, let me add:

» Continue reading “The Departure of Knuble”

After a few days off, I’ve recovered sufficiently to say something about the Capitals. (Literally recovered. I have scabs on my knee from my nails cutting where I was clutching it during Game 7.) Unfortunately what I have to say is “what a shame.” These Caps really had the look of a team that could go all the way. Or perhaps what I mean is that we could have looked that way, but factors against us combined to make it not so… And thus took us, I think a few years further away from a Cup.

First, we will bid adieu to Tomas Vokoun, who signed an astoundingly cheap contract knowing full well he would only be here a year. He has in fact complained before at how homesick he was. There’s nothing wrong with missing your family, but perhaps he could’ve considered the before he chose the career of “professional athlete in a country that is not your homeland.” Personally, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for him. Maybe I would have more if he had ended up being that Cup-contending goalie he was meant to be, instead of putting up average to good reg season numbers then getting injured immediately before the postseason began.

Secondly, we will almost definitely bid adieu to Sasha Semin, who, while never the lynchpin of anything, was always a welcome addition to our offense. To me, his gorgeous sniper-like wrist shots made up for the lazy offensive zone stick penalties. Even when they made the coach do this. I understand why he would want out, but I’m going to miss him.

Also on the list of players I would miss: Mike Knuble. He’s 40 and coming off an unimpressive season thanks to Dale Hunter Hockey (TM), but I think we can squeeze a couple mil under the cap to retain his services, eh GMGM? He says he both feels fine and wants to keep playing, and even if he didn’t get the 20 goals he wanted, he still has grit and adds the presence of a grizzled veteran. And may I remind of you of when he outraced a man half his age to wash out an icing in the Rangers series? The man still has the internal fire.
» Continue reading “A Look At Capitals Free Agents, Part 1″

Well.

This is the part where I say something self-effacing, like, “Hah, well, we can’t expect another lucky break,” or “I say, that was a good effort and an implausible series, eh wot?” (for some reason I am imagining these in a British accent). But I can’t really muster that up. Instead, I’m feeling something more along the lines of

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Which is an approximate representation of my feelings after the game. My friend, with whom I was watching the game, had to follow me onto the quad with my shoes, screaming that I had forgotten them (in between screaming “WE WOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!”).

Then I made everyone go to Dunkin Donuts so we could get some Boston Brewin’ (graceful in victory? I never.) and received some delightful texts, such as “Bruins in 9,” which was a response to the fact that I never wavered from my “Bruins in 5″ prediction.

The OT winning goal (what a heart attack phrase!) was scored by: Joel Ward. You know, the Predators playoff hero whom we signed to a long(ish) and expensive(ish) contract after his stellar play in the postseason last year. He hadn’t impressed us… so far. Now he scores the most important goal so far this season. (Want to read something that will make you feel truly awful about humanity? Check out the classy reactions of the hockey fan world to this goal. It’s not just Boston that’s full of racists — it’s everywhere!) (Now, to make you feel better after that, why not listen to radio guy John Walton’s call? Don’t worry, it incorporates the phrase “GOOD MORNING, GOOD AFTERNOON, AND GOOD NIGHT, BOSTON!” which I think must be his catchphrase.)

The primary assist went to Michael Rudolph Knuble — and if you don’t know how I feel about him, you probably haven’t been a longtime reader. Shame on you!

But the big name, the one to whom we owe this entire series success, is no surprise. Braden expletive deleted Holtby. What a netminder. What a beauty. He held us together through this entire ordeal, and this game wasn’t a cakewalk. He put up with some weirdo stuff, like Rich Peverley taking a baseball swing at his head, and maintained his sass and gloveliness the whole time. (Delightful article on him by The Goalie Guild that incorporates the phrase “goalie swagger,” like all great pieces of writing should).

With that done, let’s look towards the future: there are a bunch of options for who we will face next round, and by a bunch I mean: the Rangers, or the Flyers, or the Panthers, depending on how Thursday’s games pan out. Ahem…

If the Rangers win, that’s who we play. If the Senators win, we play the Panthers (if they win) or the Flyers (if the Devils win). Personally, I won’t be sad to see the Rangers — Hank’s weakness has always been high glove side, and the last Game 7 we won was against them — but the Panthers have their potential as well (we’ve already seen them, what, 1600 times this year?). I personally believe that the Rangers and Devils will win, because two nights ago I dreamt that Marty Brodeur and Ilya Bryzgalov were swing dancing together, and if that’s not a premonition, I don’t know what is.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an email to send my favorite professor. I think it will read something like this:

The Capitals decide they want to cut another year or so off my lifespan and drop Game 6. Now we’ll see the Bruins in Boston on Wednesday for a Game 7 that is far too far in the future. I frankly dread seeing Professor Bruins Fan — in fact, the last time I ever see him will be Wednesday afternoon! I’ll never get to see his reaction or experience his taunting! Now I’m depressed all over again.

In a bit of poeticism, Mike Green scored his first goal since October 22 yesterday, which was Earth Day. This is is second goal in the playoffs, but he is also +5. Dear me. And even more surprisingly, so is Roman Hamrlik! I suppose I’ll have to stop hating him, which is fine, because I can easily replace that hate with some for Dennis “-4″ Wideman. Thank God Hunter benched Jeff Schultz. I’d rather have a slightly menacing John Erskine skating around harmlessly. Mike Knuble also got his first playoff goal this weekend, which caused my friend and I no small amount of glee. How come Hunts hasn’t figured out how to use him effectively? Stick him in the crease on the power play and watch the magic happen.

I’m not one to begrudge a rival’s talented play, and I have nothing but adulation for Tyler Seguin’s gorgeous OT winner. Holtby commited to taking away the angle by sneaking up to the edge of the crease, and Seguin simply out-waited him and shot into the gapingly open net. Dennis Wideman (useless paperweight that he is) leapt valiantly in an attempt to block it, but it was too late. So I’ll give Tyler Seguin his propers…

…only to rip them away moments later. From the Puck Daddy article:

You won’t believe me, but when I was going down the wing, the first thing that came to my mind was to pass, and then to shoot it off his head.

That’s really f***ing classy, Mr. Seguin. I know, I shouldn’t expect anything but trashy from someone who has his surname tattooed down his bicep in Gothic characters, but really? Joking about head shots in this NHL climate? You’re lucky Brendan Shanahan doesn’t bench your ass for a game. I find that comment genuinely repulsive. It’s like Boston sports teams are actively trying to make you detest them. Well, you’ve succeeded.
» Continue reading “Capitals-Bruins Going To Game 7″

I was pretty reluctant to actually tune into this game, especially after that debacle against the Blackhawks (combined with having dropped a game we absolutely could not afford to lose to the Jets), then I got a text message from a friend who lives in Detroit.

“I am so pissed with you right now.”

I can never really be sure which of the myriad reasons my friends are pissed at me for, but this time I had a pretty good idea. I checked the score, and lo and behold, the Capitals were up 2-0 on the Red Wings! Now that’s a compelling reason to watch the game!
» Continue reading “Capitals Down Red Wings”

Yesterday I expressed confusion as to why Braden Holtby had been called up and subsequently started. Turns out it’s because he doesn’t trust Neuvy! No goalie controversy here!
» Continue reading “Dale Hunter Trashes Michal Neuvirth (Just A Little)”

There’s a game tonight against the Nashville Predators, but as exciting as it might be to see Rinne and Weber and Suter, there are far more important things to think about. It is Michael Rudolph Knuble’s 1000th game tonight and we need to be properly reverent.
» Continue reading “Happy Knubling – Capitals Vs. Predators”

There are many reasons for why the Capitals pulled this game out:

-Boudreau’s bag skate
-Knuble’s yapping to the press about clowns and losers
-Knuble’s subsequent backpedalling to the press
-Boudreau and Knuble giving motivational speeches (NSFW language)
-Ovechkin giving a motivational speech
-Semin giving a motivational sulk
-Alzner playing a motivational country song
-The combined moustache glory of all our Movember mos
-Johnny Erskine fighting someone somewhere
-Semin getting benched halfway through the second
-The presence of a very cute redhead cheering vociferously during warmups

All of these factors undoubtedly influenced the Caps enough to get us win number 10. Now it’s time to prove that Marty Brodeur really IS overrated, that the Devils really HAVEN’T been relevant since the lockout, and that I will NOT suffer any kind of shame and humiliation for the trash talk I delivered.

More important than any sort of playoff speculation: the news that Mike Knuble has signed a one-year extension with the club. As per blah blah blah we don’t know the exact figures yet (Edit: our boy SWhyno reports $2 mil), though Cap Geek remains your number one resource for such information. My thoughts? (squeals with incoherent delight)

He’s a first-line garbageman who gets all up in a goalie’s crease for the tap-in. He consistently works hard and he’s not afraid of physicality. He’s an important team leader (“this won’t be another fucking 7-0 laugher!”) whose veteran presence is needed to ground a group of young un’s. He prefers Big Macs and considers them the best food ever created by man or machine.  When he retires, I will cry, but I hope he retires with us.

Official Capitals release
Coverage from Stephen Whyno