It occurs to me that I enter an alarming number of conversations with people that an eavesdropper would be totally unable to understand due to the utter lack of context we provide. Yes, I categorize people primarily by their favorite team, and therefore require no antecedent for “we.”

You may remember my friend Buffalo Sabres Fan, whom I hadn’t seen since the day before the crucial Sabres-Caps game that we totally muffed. I ran into him again today, which was probably the best possible scenario of the next time to see him. I’ll relate the conversation below.
» Continue reading “Capitals Playoff Scenarios: A Dramatic Rendering”

Remember the post a few days back, where I got up on a high horse and did what I hate the most: outline rules of sports fandom? One of the reasons I hate them is because I break the crucial inter-conference rule — that is, my “second favourite” team is the Toronto Maple Leafs. And one of the reasons I feel so guilty about that is because I was in such a perfect situation with the Sharks. The San Jose Sharks, for all intents and purposes, should be my Western team. And they were, up until I actually went to a Sharks game at HP, watched the Capitals lose 6-2, and got heckled in Spanish. That dulled the luster some.
» Continue reading “Capitals Vs. Sharks: Punch ‘Em In The Nose”

It seems like just yesterday we saw the Florida Panthers, but I couldn’t be more wrong — it was in fact 6 days ago. Six days since we went down in ignominious defeat to the only team in the Southeast actually making the playoffs. SouthLeast, indeed.
» Continue reading “Caps Vs. Cats: Embarrassingly Important”

I know it’s been a long while since the Panthers were any threat to really anyone, but do the Capitals realize that when they win, it damages our playoff chances? The Southeast Division is so extraordinarily awful that only one team may make it (that’s “may” in the sense of “has permission to,” otherwise none of us would make it at all).

We get Ovechkin back next game, which is super-awesome if only he had someone to pass him the damn puck. Mike Green spoke to the media, which doesn’t address the issue in the aforementioned sentence (tl;dr — 4 to 6 weeks).

GMGM has made some moves (only 25 shopping days until the trade deadline!): Matt Ford to Philadelphia for Kevin Marshall and Mike Carman to Colorado for Danny Richmond. This is all very exciting for AHL fans. Speaking of, we’re giving Joel Rechlicz an extended looksee, having sent Cody “Redheaded Stepchild” Eakin back to Hershey.

Finally, in minor league news that interests only me, BAVARIAN Philip Grubauer is the ECHL Rookie of the Month!!!!!!!!!! I feel very close to him, because we both had mononucleosis in Munich at the same time.

Next game is Saturday at 2!

Thank God Matt Bradley has gone and put his foot in it, because otherwise I would’ve been stuck writing something puerile and self-consciously pleased about the Alumni Game (being promoted on the Caps website under “Gartner, Bondra, and Johansson” even though my darling Craig Laughlin is a TEAM CAPTAIN and certainly deserves headline billing). He’s (Matt Bradley, in case you’ve forgotten since my last parenthetical) gone to the Florida Panthers in the off-season, and since he now has a purely theoretical chance at winning the cup, he’s obliged to make himself feel better by badmouthing his erstwhile teammates. Would you like to read my responding invective? Yeah ya do.

» Continue reading “Matt Bradley Opens His Yap about the Caps”

I’ve covered the NHL Awards, which this year have literally nothing to do with the Caps. I could do something about the draft, which isn’t for another month and the Capitals aren’t going to be terribly interesting anyway: “With the 23rd pick the Capitals pick some guy only prospect junkies have heard of who won’t be relevant for three more years.” Unless of course they pick a goalie, in which case I will probably be familiar with him — take a gander at the right column and tell me which tag is the most used. (GMGM: if you’re reading this, DRAFT BENJAMIN CONZ.)

Thing is, I really truly don’t care what the players do during the off-season, unless someone comes back looking like Kyle Wellwood (my money would be on Backstrom or Green). Oh, look, another set of pictures of Ovechkin partying on a yacht with a bunch of hot blondes and Sergei Fedorov (but I repeat myself). Maybe we’ll see him and Malkin hanging out and we’ll all get momentarily peeved by inter-team fraternization. In the end, if he isn’t spotted doing lines of cocaine or releasing a sex tape, I do not care.

Other off-season news: Semin is not going to quit smoking (which is fine by me, because we need a reason to pick on him when he’s not being defensively irresponsible). Laich is going to have revolutionized his game in some arcane way (my prediction: a new shaving technique rendering his profile as aerodynamic as possible — which will be good for the Leafs!). One of our young Russians is going to get a moving violation (I’d say Kuznetsov for the DUI, but odds seem good he stays in the KHL — fun fact: Evgeny Kuznetsov is also the name of a professional diver who recently won a competition in Rostock, Germany).

Idle Thoughts:

• Are you ACTUALLY interested in Ovie’s summer shenanigans? Then head on over to Alex Ovetjkin, who is generally first with the party news.
• Japers’ Rink has quite an interesting series called “Rink Wraps,” in which they sum up the play of the past season. (As a rule you should be checking Japers’ anyway.)
• The Capitals lose a, er, “rival” in the Thrashers’ move to Winnipeg, but there are other consequences to consider: we can’t very well claim Manitoba is in the Southeast, can we? The most sensible realignment has Nashville shifting East, but Detroit is also a significant threat. To be honest, I’m not sure which team I’d rather face more often (though that doesn’t matter as they’re also doing away with facing intra-division teams six times; perhaps disappointing to the Atlantic, but a source of delight to all of us sick of facing the Panthers every week)  And for fun, a look at the most sensible realignments based on travel distance.

The final scores are in, the seeds are fixed, and we have a few days to eagerly hold our breath and speculate as to what will happen in the first round.

Washington-New York Rangers: Obviously I’m taking the Caps. To do otherwise would be treasonous, which is a much stiffer crime in DC than, say, Columbus. The last playoff series we actually won was against the Rangers in 2009, so we have a good track record, and the Rags only got in by the skin of their teeth. My biggest fear is that Lundqvist is a goaltender who can put the team on his back and pretty much single-handedly win a series (in DC we call this “halaking). Their offence isn’t much to speak of, though I have a healthy fear of glass-groin Gaborik. Prediction: 4-2 Capitals.

Philadelphia-Buffalo: At the risk of looking lazy, I’ve got to take Philly. Not simply because they’re the higher seed, but because we saw last year what they are capable of and they haven’t changed significantly since then. They have a nasty and physical team that certainly dominates the Sabres in size and style (Tyler Myers notwithstanding), and while Miller is said to be totally healthy, he’s been pretty banged up this year. It seems likely they struggle out of the gate. On the other hand, Philadelphia appears to be putting the ol’ trash can in net, so I guess Buffalo has the edge there. Whether or not Pronger plays is naturally an important factor, as well. Prediction: 4-1 Flyers.

Boston-Montreal: Oh my God yes. I will in fact be in Boston for the Boston Marathon, starting from the 16th, and I have to say, I would rather have tickets to this than to a Caps playoff game. That might very well be a treasonous remark, but it’s a legendary rivalry and the atmosphere is amazing. I have to pick Boston, mainly because I loathe the Habs with every ounce of my soul, but also because the Bruins have had better goaltending of late and are coming off a truly dominating performance. The Canadiens can see that as revenge — but then that game was supposed to be revenge for Chara’s hit on Pacioretty and we can see how well that worked out for them. (On the other hand, The Canadiens have otherwise performed strongly against the Bruins this season,  as pointed out by Habs Laughs, really the only Habs fan I can tolerate and therefore resource to have to keep my perspective on this club de hockey reasonable.) Prediction: 4-3 Boston, though that may be wishful thinking as I want this series to go on AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

Pittsburgh-Tampa Bay: Finally I take the “underdog,” and one of the reasons is still startlingly inadequate: I hate the Penguins. Plus, Malkin is out and Crosby’s not at 100% (thank you Dave Steckel from Ohio State), while the Lightning still have Stamkos and St. Louis and Lecavalier. Pittsburgh has the edge regarding goalies, but Fleury is known to be streaky and doesn’t have the temperament to bear the weight of the team on his shoulders. Roloson has been something of a feel-good story this year, as he is approximately a million years old and yet far out-performed his competition on the Lightning and literally everyone on the Islanders. I honestly believe he could be a major game-changer… if the Bolts even need it. Prediction: 4-1 Lightning.

First Caps playoff game: Wednesday night at 7 pm on VS. C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS!

Oh yeah, and go Stars!