I love Lucic? Not in this house!
Time for me to put on my Mark Messier-designed concussion-proof helmet and do some real live hockey analysis. Today: FORWARDS~!
Looking at the page of stats NHL.com has generously given the world, there are some sweeping generalizations to make. Let’s approach them in bulleted form:
-There are no 30-goal scorers. [points, laughs] The Capitals have one in Alex Ovechkin.
-They do, however, have 6 guys with 20+ goals, one with 29 and one with 28 (those would be Tyler Seguin and Brad Marchand). The Caps drop off dramatically from 38 goals with Ovie, then Semin with 21, and Chimera (?!) with 20. Hmmph.
-There are, however, four 60+ point scorers. (Seguin, Patrice Bergeron, David Krejci, and Milan Lucic). The Caps… have Ovechkin.
-Bergeron, Krejci, and Seguin also have the highest assist totals, which is understandable since they’re all centers.
That’s like, Pittsburgh-caliber s*** right there. Are you freaking KIDDING me? Their top three centers all have more points than our number 1 assist guy, who happens to be SEMIN, which is a huge problem all on its own. Milan Lucic, NOT A CENTER, has more assists than anyone on our team. Argh.
-Milan Lucic also manages to have 135 PIM, compared to our leader of Matt Hendricks with 95. Lucic is 6’4″ 220, while Hendy is 6′ 211. And he’s not even their number one fighter! That would be Shawn Thornton. And since it’s forwards day, I can’t even mention the Eastern Bloc nuclear experiment capable of throwing other players around like ragdolls. If we even try to get physical, the best case scenario is getting laughed out of the garden. Worst case: Milan Lucic gets convicted of manslaughter.
-I’m done. This is a horrible mismatch. They have plus-minuses through the roof. Their shooting percentages are spread more evenly than freshly rolled fondant. They’ve got guys with 60+% faceoff wins. I bet their Corsi ratings would make a madam blush.
-We have a wild imblance between our good guys and our meh guys. Ovechkin and Semin have been playing great, and our stats are skewed by the fact that Backstrom only played 42 games, because I can only hope that he would prove to be a better set-up man than MILAN LUCIC. With the exception of our top guys, they seem to just be better man-for-man. Shawn Thornton has more points than Matt Hendricks, who was at least nominally not signed for his toughness, and his hands are made of cement. He really was signed for how well he can reconstruct someone’s face! Argh!
Well, after that descent into hysterics, I can’t imagine why you WOUDLN’T swing by tomorrow, when I will break down the defensemen like Chara could break down a Cadillac… WITH MY BARE HANDS. Check out A Cup A Bruin if you’d like the evil perspective on the series, and leave anonymous taunting comments!
(Note: I do not advocate leaving anonymous taunting comments on the Bruins blog.)
(Feel free to do it on the Steelers blog, though!)