I haven’t been keeping up with hockey news as closely as I usually might, because right now the big story — actually, the only story — is that of the lockout. And not only is that depressing, it’s also infuriating. Which side should I take: the rich old men who aren’t getting enough money from their indulgent investment? Or the rich young men who aren’t getting paid enough to play a game? The owners are completely unsympathetic, but I don’t have a lot of patience for the players, either. Obviously, neither side gives a damn about the fans.

So I recently read an article from Pro Hockey Talk that, thankfully, did not mention the lockout, but did give me the opportunity to roll my eyes for ten minutes. The headline was “Dale Hunter won’t miss dealing with Washington media.”

Of course! The notoriously cruel Washington hockey media! Anyone would be sick of dealing with the two newspapers and one TV channel that actually cover hockey! Not to mention the multiple unpaid bloggers who, if they somehow manage to get credentialed, are performing a labor of love that causes them to be somewhat less critical than an unbiased reporter, particularly to someone they are predisposed to adore, like a former player who is so beloved his number has been retired.

I don’t begrudge Hunter his decision to move back up to his farm and his horses and his comfortable job in the family business. I just think it’s silly that the media seemed to be a surprise. He says things like, “You have to answer every question.” Quelle horreur! Those nosy reporters, always wanting to know why you put a highly paid superstar and consistent 50-point scorer on the fourth line, or why you’re giving less ice time to the highest-profile player in the whole league.

He also described Kettler as being “downtown,” which was baffling to me as Kettler isn’t so much downtown as “20 minutes away from the city limits, in a totally different state.” Unless he meant downtown Ballston, which is also baffling because Ballston isn’t really big enough to have a downtown.

Oops, there goes the media again. We’re simply animals!