Happy Thursday, fine facial-haired friends! (And you lovely not-bearded ladies)
As many of you know, today is the final Thursday in the glorious to some, infamous to others, month of Movember, or No Shave November, the tradition of furry-in-your-face-ness that began in 1999 in Australia, and continues stateside to this day as a noble effort to raise awareness for men’s prostate cancer and depression. And I guess that, mustaches in particular, is what (the artist formerly known as) Prince was talking about when he coined the phrase “party like it’s 1999. Not to mention, (the artist formerly known as) Prince totally had a party ‘stache in good old ’99.
As you probably also know, if you have been hanging around Aerys for any amount of time in recent history, I have quite strong affectations to beards and mustaches of any kind. Which leads me to have an incredible bias when discussing one baseball team in particular. That is:
The New York Yankees.
Just look at all these bald chins. Horrid. Anyways.
First, A Story:
The New York Yankees organization is solely responsible for the extinction of one very gorgeous creature, known to inhabit the wildlands of Boston, Massachusetts. However, in the year 2005 A.D., this creature was taken into captivity and transported to the Bronx, New York City, New York. He was then slaughtered and taken down with razorblades.
The name of the deceased is, of course, The Johnny Damon.
I don’t think I can ever forgive them for what they did to that man and all his bearded glory.
You see, the Yankees have a strictly enforced traditionally passed-down No-Beard Policy, which is what we have gathered here today to briefly discuss.
To set the stage, the year was 1973, and facial hair was in full swing. Enter the antagonist: George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees.
George was a proud man, and as he watched the Yankees stand for the National Anthem before the game, he ordered Ralph Houk to deliver the message that the players’ hair needed to be trimmed immediately. Steinbrenner ran a tight ship- with military-style strict rules. He only allowed mustaches, (but not beards), and the baseball players’ hair could not be longer than their collars.
George went on to set a standard for hatred towards hair in the Yankees organization. Other notable executions included The Jason Giambi, The David Wells, The Don Mattingly, and the Thurman Munson. May their follicles forever rest in peace.
Today, on this final furry Thursday in November, we mourn the loss of many a beard and goatee and mane that was surrendered to the New York Yankees and their frightful Beard Ban.