I don’t really know what went on before the game and during, but I assume that it was something like this.
Nothing prepares me for a start like an avocado scramble. Good thing I packed some avocados from the outfield tree.
Hey.
Hey.
/awkward silence
Avocado scramble?
Sure.
I did the hipster ballplayer routine long before you did.
Everyone knows who I am.
Sellout.
/shows Zito his contract
Crap.
Wanna hit up Amoeba later?
There’s this new album that just dropped. You’ve probably never heard of it.
I am the music you’ve never heard of.
And I am the boy from next door, and I’m not your neighbor.
/awkward silence
Good talk.
I got a new car.
Hey, good luck on the mound, huh?
Exit BARRY ZITO.
Two hours later.
/watches first inning from dugout
And I swear in that moment runs were infinite.
