Well, it’s that time of the year when ESPN likes to pat themselves on the back and hand out meaningless awards! If you missed out on all the
back-patting fun, here’s what you missed:
- Rob Riggle should never be allowed to host anything ever again. In fact, it’s like ESPN was mocking us by picking the douchiest host they could think of. Mission accomplished.
- Apparently, ESPN thinks that Albert Pujols won the World Series for the Cardinals. I guess they forgot about that guy named David Freese…or Allen Craig…or Lance Berkman…or (Do I really need to go on?)
- We had 2 Tebow appearances in under 30 minutes. And in my scientific research, the final Tebow count (mentions and screed appearances) fell just under eleventy-billion. I may have rounded up.
- The number of “Brittney Griner is a dude” jokes on Twitter was appalling. Absolutely appalling. » Continue reading “Friday FAIL: The ESPY’s Edition”
As first reported by the Sioux City Journal, Iowa teen and Kingsley-Pierson High School senior Rachel Bird – who is apparently a big Tim Tebow fan – sent the Jets QB/FB/H-back/Punt Protector a tweet asking him to be her senior prom date. When neither Tebow nor his agents responded to her request, Bird took matters into her own hands, creating a life size cut out of the New York Jet , complete with a wooden handle and supports.
Naturally, Bird’s prom date was a big hit with her classmates, who convinced her to enter herself and the cardboard wonder as a couple for the Grand March. Bird and her cardboard cutout were then introduced as, “Rachel Bird, Escorted by Tim Tebow.”
“It was awkward, but people asked me to stop for photos during the grand march,” Bird explained. “Believe me, this isn’t something I ever thought I’d be doing.”
(Girl – Me either. Me. either).
But the fun didn’t stop there. Bird, “Tebow” and the guys and gals from the entire K-P prom danced the night away. As one local news station’s website hilariously noted,“girls wanted to dance with her quarter-inch-thick escort.” (these jokes just write themselves) and several boys broke the handle off the cutout during a fast song.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Tebow did not accompany Bird to any after prom events. She left him at home because, “The after-prom would have been too much.”
I’ll just leave that one alone. » Continue reading “Iowa Teen Takes Tebow Cutout to Prom”
Welp, America, I think we have now officially entered into the ”crazy/creepy/obsessed” territory in our interest in New York Jet Tim Tebow’s virginity. Seriously, things are getting out of hand.
AshleyMadison.com founder and CEO Noel Biderman says Tebow should embrace his status as a sex symbol. “Sports and sex (and of course, infidelity) go hand in hand. If Mr. Tebow is indeed abstaining from adult relationships, I would encourage him to find a nice lady or two and enjoy his youth and fame as much as possible. We are beyond the days where pre-marital sex has a social stigma, and it is my hope that soon we will also feel the same about infidelity. I guarantee that no man of Tim Tebow’s stature could survive a season in New York without succumbing to the temptations of the city (i.e. pull a Brett Favre).”
Sooo…yeah… If you have never heard of AshleyMadison.com, I applaud you as it’s a site designed for people who want to cheat on their spouses. Gotta love the Internet, right?
Are we really that concerned that Tebow’s not gettin’ some that we are now willing to PAY WOMEN to seduce him? I weep for humanity.
(OK, I’ll admit this more “WTF?” than FAIL, but whatever. My site, my rules.)
Yep. V-Card = Free flight.
Despite the obvious question of how insulting is such an offer to the quite religious Tim Tebow, I have a few more… » Continue reading “Friday FAIL: Tebow’s V-Card”
According to Chris Harrison, the host of “The Bachelor”, Tim Tebow has been approached by the show to be the next bachelor.
In case you have no idea what the show is about, “The Bachelor” takes one eligible bachelor (obviously) and he “dates” 25 different women until he eventually narrows it down to that one lucky lady in the end. It’s exactly what you would expect from a reality show, a lot of drinking, screaming, crying and of course a whole lot of making out.
It’s hard to imagine someone like Tebow, a man who considers himself to be a devoted Christian, going on a show that involves dating several women at a time and then there’s those “overnight dates” that might not go over so well for a guy who’s said he’s saving himself for marriage.
What do you think? Would Tebow finally let loose? Or will he limit all physical contact to hand holding and drinking a fountain soda from two straws?
Update: Unfortunately, Tim Tebow confirmed this morning (via Twitter) he will not be the next bachelor.
Just in case you haven’t heard the wonderful news that Madonna will be performing in this year’s Super Bowl halftime show, I am very happy to inform you that Madonna will be performing in this year’s Super Bowl halftime show.
To create more buzz around the show, Madonna held a presser this afternoon in Indianapolis to discuss the performance and preview her set list (not really — but kind of). She assured concerned fans that while she will be singing her new song “Give Me All Your Luvin” (featuring Nicki Minaj and M.I.A, which, by the way, is plastered all over the interweb if you want to hear it), she will also be singing three of her old and extremely popular songs.
Thank goodness. Because the old Madonna is what I live for.
(Insert joke about awkward non sequitur here)
The idea of vintage Madonna songs ala “Like a Virgin” making an appearance in a Super Bowl halftime show got us thinking:
What if Tim Tebow were in the Super Bowl? And what would Madonna’s set list look like then?
I’ll be the first to confess that I do not watch ESPN’s First Take. The main reason why I avoid that show like the plague: Skip Bayless. He drives me crazy like no other person on TV can. I dislike him more than I dislike Zooey Deschanel and that’s saying a lot.
On Monday morning while sitting in the den with my dad, he turned First Take on and before I left the room in protest I heard them mention that John Legend was going to be on the show to debate Skip later in the week.
Now, I love John Legend. LOVE. He’s one of my bucket list musicians. I need to see that man perform live at least once before I leave this blue pebble called Earth. But I loathe Skip Bayless so much that I skipped – ha – this morning’s edition of First Take.
A few moments ago, ESPN’s twitter account tweeted a link to a video of Mr. Legend’s appearance on the show. Now, I wish I hadn’t avoided it.
He performed a Tim Tebow-themed parody to the tune of his 2004 hit song “Ordinary People,” called “Extraordinary Tebow.” He basically called out ESPN and the First Take participants – Bayless and Stephen A. Smith – for their Tebow obsession.
It’s quite hilarious.
Because only making fun of people once today wasn’t enough, we bring you the afternoon edition of Friday Fail!
According to a survey conducted by the people over at Poll Position,
“43% said they believed Divine Intervention was at least partly responsible for his success. Forty-two percent disagreed, and 14% expressed no opinion.”
43%?! That’s nearly half of you out there!
I’m all for thinking that a Higher Power will guide you to make good decisions and steer you on the right path if you’re willing to listen and all, but I’m pretty sure that God (or whatever you believe in) isn’t spending time on Sundays ensuring the Broncos win when Tebow’s on the field.
Fresh off of her recent breakup from “funny” man Russell Brand, Katy Perry may not be looking for a rebound just yet.
To her parents, however, rebound equals touchdown, and they’ve got their eyes on Tim Tebow. If you haven’t heard of him, he plays for the Broncos and is a devout Christian.
Perry kisses girls (and likes it), but her mother thinks that Tebow is the perfect guy for her, disregarding the fact that “recent divorce” might not be at the top of the list in Tebow’s “Guide to Finding a Good Christian Woman”.
This is serious, folks. Katy’s mom has even reached out to the Tebow crew to book him to speak at the church that Perry used to sing at. Of course, fate will probably have it that Katy will be sitting in the front row. Will fireworks fly?
Somehow I can’t picture Tebow running into the endzone, genuflecting, and then looking for one of those bright purple wigs in the crowd. Maybe this is all an elaborate rumor started by the Patriots in order to distract the quarterback before the big game this weekend. Does that mean that Katy’s mother is secretly a New England fan?
This news comes from the incredibly reliable OK! Magazine, so please take it with several grains of salt.