Let’s get JUICED!

Seriously, guys, I can’t keep up with who is failing drug tests nowadays.  Melky Cabrera, Bartolo Colon, and, now, Lance Armstrong?  (OK, I’m fully aware of that Lance Armstrong didn’t actually fail a drug test that we’re currently aware of, but just go with it…)

Seems the athletes out there need a primer on how to avoid these drug testing nightmares, and I thought I’d help:

1.  Don’t say you didn’t use performance-enhancing drugs. That just gets you into trouble later. Say “I didn’t fail a drug test” (if that’s actually the case).  Just ask Rafael Palmerio.

2.  If you did actually fail a test, apologize to your fans, but don’t say you won’t do it again.  It just makes you look dumb if you fail another.

3.  Get tested on a day that FedEx doesn’t ship.

» Continue reading “Friday FAIL: Drug Testing 101″

Tuesday marks the 83rd annual MLB All-Star Game and what better way to prepare than to oogle some of the gentlemen that will be participating in the festivities?

Representing the American League…

Curtis Granderson - New York Yankees, Outfielder

(Photo by Josh May)

CJ Wilson (who actually was replaced…sad trombone) – Los Angeles Angels, Pitcher » Continue reading “Monday Morning Motivation: MLB All-Star Edition”

The good news: Braun in a baseball uniform means less Braun in douchey Affliction shirts

There was a whole lot of FAIL going on surrounding the announcement of MVP Ryan Braun’s overturned suspension on Thursday afternoon.

First, everyone starts reporting that Braun’s suspension had been overturned.  Then, to add the chaos, the Associated Press reports:

(AP) — National League MVP Ryan Braun’s 50-game suspension upheld by arbitrator.

So.Much.Confusion.  Then a few minutes later, the Associated Press changes their mind:

(AP) — CORRECTS: NL MVP Ryan Braun’s 50-game suspension has been overturned. (Corrects APNewsAlert saying suspension was upheld)

Oopsies.

The fun didn’t stop there, kids!  Then Major League Baseball  released this statement regarding the overturned suspension: » Continue reading “Friday FAIL: Ryan Braun, The AP, And A Cup Of Urine”

Because we know that you haven’t seen ANY “Best of 2011″ lists on the Internets lately, so we at The Pulse thought we’d help fill the void.  I present to you “The Best of the Worst Fashion Choices of 2011″.

CAUTION: Some of these images can permanently  damage your vision.  You’ve been warned.

Number 10:  John Daly

Yeah, I know.  Easy target.  That’s why he’s only #10.

But this outfit from the Australian Open burned my eyes.

You needed to suffer with me.  It’s only fair.

» Continue reading “The Best Of The Worst Fashion Choices Of 2011″

This photo is completely unrelated to this post. Completely. Unrelated.

A screenplay by Tara Franey

Sexually Transmitted Destiny

Tagline: You can’t use protection … against love.

From the second assistant to the producer of last year’s box-office smash “Clap Hitter” comes a laugh-out-loud sports comedy about love, lies, and loading the bases.

All-star outfielder Brian Rawn is facing a steroids charge, and his sleazy agent wants him to claim that he was on herpes medication to get out of it! He would never have gone along with the idea if it weren’t for his mother’s enormous medical bills. Now, the league is demanding an official VD test, and Brian needs to catch more than just a hard hit liner to left.

Desperate, he heads to an STD group counseling session, looking for someone who has a prescription for Valtrex, and is willing to share. But he never expected to meet a girl like Robin Miller, whose off-the-wall style and contagious smile begins to change Brian’s outlook on baseball, disease, and love.

Now, with the testing date just around the corner, and Robin starting to ask some uncomfortable questions, Brian’s wondering if he’ll have to choose between baseball and love. But when the truth comes out, he might just lose both.

Rated PG-13 for language, sexual situations, and Affliction T-shirts.

Come see what critics are already calling “the best baseball venereal disease rom-com of 2012.” In theaters this Valentine’s Day!

*Characters and events contained in this movie are fictional and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

** Movies contained in this blog post are fictional and any resemblance to real movies is purely coincidental.

After seeing this gem of a post by the folks at Jezebel.com on whether or not you should sleep with Tim Tebow, it got me and a few of the other Aerys ladies talking:

If you slept with Tim Tebow, what would be in his Jeter Basket?  What would other athletes put in their Jeter Baskets?  Well, this is what we came up with…

Cristiano Ronaldo (courtesy of Kayla Knapp):

1. Hair gel
2. Self-tanner
3. Signed pair of Armani underwear

Charles Barkley:

1. An IOU
2. Discount for WW

» Continue reading “What Will You Find In Your Jeter Basket?”