Reality TV star and general annoyance to society Kristin Cavallari thought she would be really cute and offer boy toy Jay Cutler a little shout-out before last night’s appearance on Monday Night Football.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
First of all, Kristin? Please don’t ever do anything like this again. It makes every Bears fan in America very upset.
Second of all, I think even Bears fans would agree that Jay Cutler does NOT have the best butt in football. I watched last night’s game and you can say what you want about his gun slinging arm or his baby blues (I don’t know, some people are into that sort of thing) but a super fine behind he has not.
While I really try to stick to serious football topics (or making fun of serious football topics) this whole Kristin Cav thing got me thinking : Who does have the best butt in the NFL?
I was unable to come to a conclusive decision about who had the best butt but I can tell you a lot of people, both male and female, had a lot of opinions on the subject. So thanks to my super scientific polling, I came up with a nice list of the best tight ends in football. Pun intended.
Btw, this is in no way a definitive list. It’s more of a celebration.
Reggie Bush : Say what you want about Reggie’s play on the field. Off-the-field not a soul has a complaint.
Kim K has done a lot of questionable things with her life but breaking up with Reggie was by far the worst. Then again, she was probably angry that his butt was getting more attention that hers. At least from me.
Calvin Johnson : Thank you Acura. Thank you. Love, Everyone.
Cam Newton : Thank goodness Cam is a rookie because I will be enjoying his presence in the National Football League for years to come.
Christian Ponder : There is a little bit of an Aerys chick fight going on over who is Christian’s rightful fangirl. Apparently he has a real-life girlfriend but that won’t keep us from looking.
Julio Jones : Julio has had my attention since his workout at the combine and not just for his speedy 40. I would not bet the least bit surprised to see this guy get a ton of endoresements in the next few years. Hopefully all of them require that he wear tight pants.
Ladies and Gentlemen : Steven Jackson
Steven Jackson : Just look at the photo. Look at it. No further comment is needed.
Adrian Peterson : We’ve all seen plenty of AP’s backside as he continues to run past defenders and into the end zone. Extra credit for really nice abs and arms (check him out in ESPN’s the Body issue).
Mark Sanchez : As a Jets fan I feel qualified to make this assessment. You can judge me all you want but Mark is a total stud. And besides, two appearances in GQ mag have to count for something, right?
Clay Matthews : Just google him and you will see what I mean.
Wes Welker : My aforementioned Jets fandom prohibits me from saying too many glowing things about Wes but I do have eyes, people.
Dallas Clark : I can honestly say I hadn’t really investigated Dallas’ tight-end but I’ve heard it’s quite nice.
Vince Wilfork : Glad to see some people have a sense of humor.
Kristine is the lead Jets reporter for Aerys Sports. She is also a regular contributor to Aerys Offsides and The Pulse. You can follow her on Twitter @Kristinereese.