Poor David...

When it rains, it pours, huh?  Well, this week we saw yet another hit to females in sports.  Let me catch you up to speed.

On Monday, we were presented with this video of a female St. Louis reporter who was going to ride the new Mr. Freeze roller coaster at Six Flags with Cardinals third baseman David Freese.  Seems harmless, right?  Well, just watch the video.

Anybody else concerned that this chick might kidnap David and tie him up in her basement?  Just wait until November before you kidnap, K?  We’ll also need him back by March.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it.  Then Tuesday, Simon Borg, the co-host of MLS’ official podcast Extra Time Radio, informed us diehard female sports fans that we are not hot.

» Continue reading “Friday FAIL: Sports + Women”

Lack of proper protection hurts, doesn't it?

While football fans everywhere were settling in to enjoy the NFC Championship game Sunday evening, People.com decided to sweep in, ruin the night, and report that reality TV ”star” Kristin Cavallari and Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler are expecting their first child.

Chicago sports fans everywhere cried real tears.

The couple told People magazine:

We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together. It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.

As is customary with the announcement of a pregnancy, congratulations are in order. (No, seriously, babies are a blessing).

Okay — now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time for me to throw up in my mouth while also telling you that there is more to this story.

» Continue reading “Protection Fails Cutler Yet Again”

It’s official : Kristin Cav and Jay Cutler are engaged…again.

Kristin shared the happy news from her Twitter this afternoon:

Kristin assures us that this time it’s “for real” which certainly makes me feel a lot better.

I mean, congratulations, I guess? I can finally restore my faith in true love.

Really looking forward to the 2-day E! Special on the wedding. On opposite day.

Are these two love birds in trouble?

Clearly, reality star Kristin Cavallari and her beau, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler are having relationship issues.  Why is this so obvious, you ask?  Here is my evidence (I promise only some is completely fabricated): » Continue reading “Kristin Cav & Jay Cutler: Relationship On The Rocks?”

Reality TV star  and general annoyance to society Kristin Cavallari thought she would be really cute and offer boy toy Jay Cutler a little shout-out before last night’s appearance on Monday Night Football.

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

First of all, Kristin? Please don’t ever do anything like this again. It makes every Bears fan in America very upset.

Second of all, I think even Bears fans would agree that Jay Cutler does NOT have the best butt in football. I watched last night’s game and you can say what you want about his gun slinging arm or his baby blues (I don’t know, some people are into that sort of thing) but a super fine behind he has not.

While I really try to stick to serious football topics (or making fun of serious football topics) this whole Kristin Cav thing got me thinking : Who does have the best butt in the NFL?

I was unable to come to a conclusive decision about who had the best butt but I can tell you a lot of people, both male and female, had a lot of opinions on the subject. So thanks to my super scientific polling, I came up with a nice list of the best tight ends in football. Pun intended.

Btw, this is in no way a definitive list. It’s more of a celebration.

Enjoy.

Reggie Bush : Say what you want about Reggie’s play on the field. Off-the-field not a soul has a complaint.

Kim K has done a lot of questionable things with her life but breaking up with Reggie was by far the worst. Then again, she was probably angry that his butt was getting more attention that hers. At least from me.

Calvin Johnson : Thank you Acura. Thank you. Love, Everyone.

Cam Newton :  Thank goodness Cam is a rookie because I will be enjoying his presence in the National Football League for years to come.

Christian Ponder : There is a little bit of an Aerys chick fight going on over who is Christian’s rightful fangirl. Apparently he has a real-life  girlfriend but that won’t keep us from looking.

Julio Jones : Julio has had my attention since his workout at the combine and not just for his speedy 40.  I would not bet the least bit surprised to see this guy get a ton of endoresements in the next few years. Hopefully all of them require that he wear tight pants.

Ladies and Gentlemen : Steven Jackson

Steven Jackson : Just look at the photo. Look at it. No further comment is needed.

Adrian Peterson : We’ve all seen plenty of AP’s backside as he continues to run past defenders and into the end zone. Extra credit for really nice abs and arms (check him out in ESPN’s the Body issue).

Mark Sanchez : As a Jets fan I feel qualified to make this assessment. You can judge me all you want but Mark is a total stud. And besides, two appearances in GQ mag have to count for something, right?

Clay Matthews : Just google him and you will see what I mean.

Wes Welker : My aforementioned Jets fandom prohibits me from saying too many glowing things about Wes but I do have eyes, people.

Dallas Clark : I can honestly say I hadn’t really investigated Dallas’ tight-end but I’ve heard it’s quite nice.

Vince Wilfork : Glad to see some people have a sense of humor.

Kristine is the lead Jets reporter for Aerys Sports. She is also a regular contributor to Aerys Offsides and The Pulse. You can follow her on Twitter @Kristinereese.

Somebody, anybody tell Mary J. Blige to stop peddling “Real Love.” I love the song, but it hasn’t been a hit since the early 90s.

I don’t kno w… the timeline is fuzzy, but it felt like she was an Apple press conference — reminding us of how good she was before trying to sell us on how good she is.

But we came here to talk about dancing.

Rob Kardashian is safe. Ladies, you’re welcome!

Estelle sang “The Twist” and head judge Len Goodman danced it … well … sorta. His hip survived the performance and that’s all that counts. Also, Chubby Checker made a surprise appearance during his famous song. Nobody was more surprised than whoever had to get up and paint Mr. Checker’s jeans onto his body before he could go on television.

Even more confusion came a little later when Mary J. Blige came back to sing her new song but was dressed up like a 1989 Janet Jackson. I may or may not have put on my army boots and had a Rhythym Nation dance clinic in my living room. May or may not have.

And that is the exact reason that someone at ABC studios needs to pull the plug on giving DWTS any and all of the air time they want each week.

After the madness settled down, the badness emerged. How, in all things that are deemed holy, did Kristin Cavallari (also, why was her ex-fiance Jay Cutler in the audience?) and Hope Solo end up in the bottom two? Someone tell me how … I’ll wait.

Seriously, Chaz Bono can-NOT dance, should not be on the show any longer, and everybody knows it.

I’m pretty sure I even saw tears from Carrie Anne.

Kristin and Mark

Alas, Kristin was sent walking.

That’s what your voting does, America.

With Ron Artest — oops, I mean Metta World Peace (is there a symbol for that?) — eliminated in Week 1, the athletic prowess in Dancing with the Stars was just cut in half.

Now, the hope of Aerys Sports Nation hangs on, you guessed it, Hope Solo. Forgive me for the horrible pun — it’s late and I had to watch some horrible dancing.

Hope and her partner Maksim were the first couple to dance tonight, and considering she interrupted her practice to hop north to Portland, get honored for her 100th career  U.S. national team appearance, and shut out the Canadian national team on Thursday, she looked pretty damn good —  both with her jive moves and in a cute faux Solo jersey tied up at her chest.

Nothing I’d want to see on the field, though, of course.

http://youtu.be/5L_CCJPIGJ0

She definitely needed to work on her fluidity and apparently had too many “kicks” and not “flicks,” but I thought she was better than the 19/30 score she received.

Especially when much worse dancers — Carson Kressley, for example — received 18 points. If you love Hope like we do, go to ABC.com and vote for her.

Now, I don’t usually tweet about dancing shows, so when I started commenting on some of these folks other than Hope, naturally a few of my followers thought that my Twitter account had been hacked. A few observations from myself and the Twitter peanut gallery:

» Continue reading “Nip/Suck: Dancing With the Stars Week 2″

Oh boy — no word on why ABC stretches this show out for two hours most weeks, but they found a reason tonight.

Before we could learn who will never dance on their stage again, Dancing With The Stars spent a full hour letting us get to know the stars a little better.

Nancy Grace’s twins danced all night. Chaz Bono is afraid of Cheryl Burke. Kristin Cavallari was nervous (!). We’re talking really riveting stuff. Then Bruno took his shirt off.

Sadly, despite all of that, someone still had to leave. After an hour of suspense …

» Continue reading “Dancing With Some Stars: Results!”

We can’t help but to think the little news of Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler reportedly wanting Kristin Cavallari back — after he had broken off the engagement — may be nothing more than a publicity stunt.

We’re cynics, we know.

Cutler and Cavallari, of The Hills fame, called off their engagement last month after being together for less than a a year.

And now he reportedly wants her back.

Amid the chatter that Cavallari has signed on for Dancing With the Stars.

Hmmm.

Well, too bad they already returned all those wedding gifts.