Good Morning America hosted a lavish announcement for the Season 14 cast of Dancing With the Stars, including Donald Driver and Martina Navratilova. For those who have never had the pleasure of watching, Dancing with the Stars pairs “celebrities” (the term is used loosely on occasion) with top-tier dancers.

The two athletes will be competing against the likes of Steve Urkel Jaleel White, soap star Jack Wagner, musician Gavin DeGraw, and others. Don’t get too excited yet though–the season doesn’t kick off until March 19th. This gives you plenty of time to Google the “stars” you’ve never heard of: a Disney channel poptart and the “Brad Pitt of Mexico”.

Will their smooth moves help on DWTS?

Navratilova won 18 Grand Slam titles, and 17 of those trophies were hoisted before the youngest competitor this season was born. She’ll be paired with Tony Dovolani, who has never won the competition but has placed third in two seasons and was most famously paired with the world’s favorite mother-of-eight, Kate Gosselin.

» Continue reading “Donald Driver & Martina Navratilova Will Be Dancing With The Stars”

And the winner is...

ABC manages to top itself in the “ridiculous” category each and every week it airs Dancing With The Stars. For the grand finale of Season 13, the opening montage couldn’t have been any more dramatic without crossing over from the “reality TV” genre to something competing with any and every episode of Law & Order.

I mean, yeah, it’s the end of the season but like… they get that they are dancing in a ballroom for a trophy that means nothing in the grand scheme of life… right?

Nevertheless, we all endured two hours of programming to find out who will be on the interview and talk show circuit for the next week.

If you think I’m going to just jump to the point and tell you… you’re wrong. Keep reading. » Continue reading “Dancing With The Stars: The Finale!”

Who will take home this bad boy?

This is it friends… Dancing With The Stars is coming to an end once again.

Last night, we saw the final dance routines from Rob Kardashian, J.R. Martinez, and Ricki Lake. Tonight, one of them will be crowned ballroom champion and get to spend the summer with that sweet, sweet mirrorball.

Finally, we got the only thing I’ve ever asked ABC for with this show… a swift cut to the chase. They skipped all of the nonsense and went right to the dancing.

» Continue reading “Dancing With The Stars Finals: The End Is Near”

Last night, the finalists for the 1,874th season of Dancing With The Stars were announced.

All anyone needs to know about the results show last night is that our beloved Hope Solo went home. Nothing else mattered.

I know I’ve been critical of Hope and the truth is, until Monday night it was a toss up between Rob Kardashian and Hope, but Rob stepped up to the plate where Hope maintained the status quo. I didn’t want to see Hope go because I love her, I really do… I may even start watching soccer now – well until the NBA gets it’s act together at least – but I knew… we all knew it was her before the show even began.

On the plus side, Carson was back yet again! If they know what’s good for TV they’ll have him back next season for random appearances.

Next week, Ricki Lake, J.R. Martinez, and Rob Kardashian battle it out for the mirrorball trophy.

Who ya got?

Image flickr/gwilmore

It’s the semi-finals! It’s the semi-finals!! IT’S THE SEMI-FINALS!!!

Theoretically this means we’re watching the best amateur turned semi-pro dancers. Realistically there was something left to be desired after last night. It could have been that the contestants were forced to learn 3 (three) dances in one week?

But most importantly, as reward for our diligent watching all season long, Dancing With The Stars rewarded us viewers with the Argentine Tango. FINALLY!

Really, that’s the only reason I watch.

Hope Solo & Maks kicked the show off with a Paso Doble that was…

Okay, so all season I’ve been perplexed how Hope could be doing so well at dancing but still manage to look slightly awkward on the dance floor. Every week. Whenever she isn’t completely in-hold it’s like her body and her legs are not one and the same. I think I figured it out though… I think her legs are too long.

Anyway, their Paso was good. It was solid. I give it an A. But it wasn’t completely fluid. So no exclamation points or jazz hands. » Continue reading “Dancing With The Stars: This is Derickilous”

This week’s Dancing With The Stars gimmick was the “Instant Dance”, wherein the contestants must perform a choreographed routine to music they’ve never heard before. Or, I guess they get to listen to it 20 minutes before they hit the stage.

In years past, the “stars” have struggled with this concept because they never learned to count while dancing. Funny how that whole “I’ll just listen to the music” thing catches up with you in the end. Isn’t it?

We are finally down to the top 5 which means that the dances are expected to be good. There shouldn’t be any cringing going on while we watch from home. Please believe I tried my best not to make faces last night. Believe it, even though it didn’t happen. Even if the judges told each and every couple that they performed their best dance to date. Each and every one of them.

The Needs To Go Home Tonight:

Nancy & Tristan -

Listen. I love listening to Tristan talk and was willing to keep these two on the show longer than they needed to be because of that accent. But… the time has come to say goodbye. Their Tango was “dry”. It just felt awkward and I can’t even put into words why it felt that way. Maybe her knees were bent wrong? Or she didn’t “own” her sexy? But it was an improvement over the last few weeks. I’ll give dear Nancy that much.

The So Perfectly Average I’ll Split My Votes Between You:

Rob & Cheryl -

Their Quickstep was all over the place in the beginning but he managed to pull it together by the end. To quote host Tom Bergeron, Rob was, “having the best week of the Kardashians”. I’ll leave it right there.

Hope & Maks -

Visiting Maks’ parents house (although I’m not sure he doesn’t also live there) for dinner was the perfect dose of comedic relief to the show’s video package segments. The heart can only take so much of the professionals getting frustrated with the “stars” for goofing off in rehearsal. Their Quickstep was… better than Rob’s in my opinion, but still not a “wow”.

The Hotdamn That’s What I’m Talkin’ About:

Ricki & Derek -

Watching Ricki Lake Waltz last night was like watching Margot Fonteyn dance. If it were your job to simply watch her feet for technical disparities, you’d have to say her Waltz wasn’t that great. If you were anyone else watching you’d be moved to near tears. That was a performance!

J.R. & Karina -

Standing ovation. So well deserved. Gorgeous. Stunning. Emotional. FIRST PERFECT 30 OF THE SEASON. Also so well deserved. There isn’t anything else to say about their first dance, except… do they really need to compete next week to get into the Finals? Really?

Now about those Instant Jives:

Of Nancy’s, head judge Len Goodman says, “It’s like Cinderella at the ball but it’s midnight and it’s time to go home.” Yep.

Rob looked lost and confused and mostly just stood about watching Cheryl dance. Which is great, except the point is for him to be dancing. But it wasn’t terrible. A for effort?

Ricki Ricki Ricki… I had so much hope for her Jive but once she got out there it was strange. Her feet sorta didn’t move very frequently for her to be saying she’s dancing the Jive.

Hope and Maks turned in a GREAT Jive. And in fact if it hadn’t been for Hope’s hands being completely left out of every move she made it would have been near perfection to watch.

J.R. said his goal was for the instant dance was for people to think “are you sure he didn’t practice to that music all week, ’cause he just KILLED it.” And of his dance, I will say this…

ARE YOU SURE HE DIDN’T PRACTICE TO THAT MUSIC ALL WEEK, ‘CAUSE HE JUST KILLED IT.

No surprise that they got another perfect 30 for their instant dance. I smell a mirrorball in their very near future.

Tune in tonight for the results show where we’ve been promised Andrea Bocelli, Flo-Rida and Michael Jackson. It’s too much.

There should only be one question on everyone’s mind after last night’s Dancing With The Stars results show:
What is a Justin Bieber?

Well… maybe two questions:
When did Boyz II Men become available to sing background vocals for 15 year olds?

Finally we are at the part of the season where the shows get fun! Between Derek Hough’s shirtless dance with Allison Holker (I’ll take all the Argentine Tango I can get, even if it’s just for a few seconds), Coco Arquette being the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, and another Carson Kressley appearance, there was barely time to notice someone was about to go home. That’s the way to do it ABC!

Alas, with barely 3 minutes left in the broadcast there stood Nancy Grace and David Arquette in the bottom two and…

David got his walking papers. I’m not terribly shaken up about that, I mean… Nancy probably should have gone home first based on how much I want to see either of them dancing, but I think I speak for America when I say, “we’ll take another week of listening to Tristan talk.”

Week 7 of Dancing With The Stars featured every terrible Halloween cliche you can think of… including replacing Bruno and Carrie Ann with skeletons in the opening sequence.

Digital images of spiders and skeletons dancing across the stage while Tom Boooo-geron (his choice not mine) stared lovingly into the camera delivering his painfully scripted lines.

Let’s get to the dancing to help you out of your sugar coma from last night, shall we?

The Not Great:

Nancy & Tristan – Um… have I mentioned Tristan’s accent is adorable?

Hope & Maks – I don’t know if it was Hope’s best performance to date, but my word if she didn’t come back to life after last week’s debacle!

David & Kym – I think they were doing the Cha Cha Cha but it was really just Kym twirling around the floor and David grabbing her arm every now and again. Though the judges seemed to think it was just great! Points for showmanship eh?

The Good:

J.R. & Karina – Karina’s costume was a little “in the way” during the entire performance. But the fact that the judges were being so hard on J.R. for his footwork not being perfect tells me that he’s being held to a higher standard because he is good.

Rob & Cheryl – Addams Family, Tango, it just doesn’t get much better than that. Baby brother Kardashian is finally stepping into the spotlight on this show.

Ricki & Derek – Best dance of the night. Hands down.

And then there were the Team Dances:

Team J.R. aka Team Tango (J.R., Nancy, and David) -
J.R is the strongest dancer in that bunch by far, but none of them looked incredibly out of place if that’s possible. The individual portions of the dance were just all over the place. Shout-out to the costumers on this show though, they did a good job tonight.

Team Ricki aka Team Paso Doble (Ricki, Rob, and Hope) -
They brought the show on home! It was dramatic and on point. They absolutely slayed Team Tango. I don’t even know what else to say about that group dance other than that it was AWESOME!

Also, Derek is seriously the best dancer on this show.  But forget ALL of that, Justin Beiber… Bieber… Beeb… whatever, Beebs is on the results show tomorrow. Keep your 10 year olds up late.

Another week has come and gone on the shiny floor over at Dancing With The Stars, and another soldier has fallen. Before we get to the voting capabilities of America, let’s review the hour full of suspense shall we?

J.R. & Karina’s Quickstep was a brilliant choice for the encore performance to start the show off. And to follow it up with a performance from Kristin Chenoweth? ABC might just make a fan out of me yet!

As if to prove wrong my prediction from yesterday, Ricki Lake and J.R. Martinez did not end up in the bottom two, which only served raised my hopes of seeing Chaz finally go home. Instead of finding out right away, we were treated to another awesome performance from Corbin Bleu. I may just be in love with the Broadway-ness of everything . We’ll see if I still love the show this much next week.

There was also a group of small kids dancing with Lacey and Mark. A-DOR-A-BLE.

Maks apologized… sorta kinda… and just in case we didn’t remember what happened yesterday and were confused about what Maks was apologizing for, it was re-aired.

Yep, still super awkward.

But I’ll take the awkward because…

CHEESE AND RICE, CHAZ FINALLY WENT HOME.

Broadway week truly was the best idea ever. Ever.

Good-night!

If you missed Dancing With The Stars last night, you missed one of the best group numbers I’ve ever laid witness to on this show.

You also missed Broadway week with performances from Kristin Chenoweth’s amazeballs voice that she must have had surgically implanted in her, as well as the cast of Sister Act – no, not Whoopie… the Broadway cast. If you want to see Whoopie come over to my house, I have Sister Act on VHS. Bring your VCR.

Just as I was about to give the producers a lecture about not granting dear Carson some sort of stay of execution strictly for his jazz hands and the pure entertainment value he’d bring to Broadway week, he popped up on my screen and was announced as the creative director of the group number! I may or may not have let out an audible yelp. May or may not have. Well played ABC, well played.

But let’s get to the competitive dancing shall we?

The Good:

• J.R. Martinez & Karina – In which Carrie Anne said “Fosse would be proud”. She wasn’t kidding, J.R.’s footwork was incredible. It helps that they were also dancing to music from the best musical ever. Chicago!
• Ricki Lake & Derek – The judges seemed to think they were as amazing as J.R. was, but from the screen at home they were a little out of sync during some portions of their dance, thus, not as amazing. And then Brooke with the hyphenated last names basically called Ricki fat while they waited for their scores. That was a nice touch.
• Nancy Grace & Tristan – This is the first dance of theirs I’ve liked all season. Go Nancy!
• Honorable mention to every team that incorporated choreography from the musical that their music came from into their dance.

The Not Good:

• Hope Solo & Maks – I love Hope. We all love Hope. But we’re amongst friends here right? Right? I’m gonna say this and then we’re never going to bring this up again. It looked like Hope was wandering around the dance floor with an afghan on waiting for the music to stop so she could get back to reading her book while wondering why Maks was dancing about.
• Rob Kardashian & Cheryl – It wasn’t terrible… Rob just didn’t seem to have even half as much energy as Cheryl did. To be quite frank, I’ve seen better from Rob. And is Khloe getting paid by ABC to yell things from the audience each week? Can somebody check the contracts and get back to me? Super annoying.
• David Arquette & Kym- Why is Kym always with the David’s? Other than being confused by the fact that David looked to be performing in the same suit he wore to dinner earlier in the night, which didn’t seem to have anything to do with their dance, I agree with the judges assessment of their performance being “rough around the edges”.
• Honorable mention to Maks for lashing out at the judges for giving Hope a negative review. I happen to agree with him, but that was awkward even for those of us watching from home.

The Bad:

• Chaz Bono & Lacey – I’m gonna need for Lacey not to wear seizure inducing pants in rehearsal anymore. These two are also the only couple who didn’t do a lift in the group dance. That didn’t go unnoticed. On the up side, Chaz’s footwork has gotten better?

Tune in tonight at 9pm for the results show where if the past is any sign of the future Ricki and J.R. will end up in the bottom two and everyone will pretend to be shocked like they didn’t spend all of last nigh voting for Chaz.