Well, it’s that time of the year when ESPN likes to pat themselves on the back and hand out meaningless awards!  If you missed out on all the back-patting fun, here’s what you missed:

• Rob Riggle should never be allowed to host anything ever again.  In fact, it’s like ESPN was mocking us by picking the douchiest host they could think of.  Mission accomplished.
• Apparently, ESPN thinks that Albert Pujols won the World Series for the Cardinals.  I guess they forgot about that guy named David Freese…or Allen Craig…or Lance Berkman…or (Do I really need to go on?)
• We had 2 Tebow appearances in under 30 minutes.  And in my scientific research, the final Tebow count (mentions and screed appearances) fell just under eleventy-billion.  I may have rounded up.
• The number of “Brittney Griner is a dude” jokes on Twitter was appalling.  Absolutely appalling.  
• So did Hayden Panettiere seemed doped up to anyone else?  
• To honor Title IX and women athletes, they bring out Hayden Panattiere and Connie Britton.  There wasn’t a single female athlete out there who may have been impacted by Title IX out there available?  Wasted opportunity, no?
• Rob Riggles starts out by complimenting Drew Brees and then immediately makes fun of him and Bounty-gate.  Drew Brees does not find you funny.  Yo, Rob, maybe you shouldn’t make fun of someone that may or may not have any connections to people involved in football bounties.  I don’t see that ending well for you…
• I don’t know who the idiot is who decided that fans should vote for things via twitter hashtags, but screw you.  YOU’RE RUINING EVERYTHING.  
• I don’t care how good they are at sports, some athletes just shouldn’t speak publicly.  Seriously, it’s embarrassing.
• The ESPY’s are really just the football awards, no?  
• Zoey Deschanel acting like a girl who has no clue about anything related to sports. HILARIOUS.  A pretty original bit.  Also, this wasn’t on FOX. WHY WAS SHE THERE?!  
• Dear Jockey, Please stop suggesting that Tim Tebow wear shirts.  That’s the best part of him. 
• So, Drew Brees’s suit…  Shiny…  (For some better fashion analysis, I suggest you check out OCCN.com.)

• Lindsey Vonn Tebowing.  Did they not see South Park?  Faith Hilling is where it’s at.  Amateurs.

• Besides, I feel like I’ve seen this before.  Oh wait….

• However, I must point out the good from last night:  Did we see a Kardashian (besides Bruce Jenner)?  If we did, I missed it.  And that, my friends is GLORIOUS.  Kanye, you can keep her…