Let me summarize the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Monday Night Football loss to the Cincinnati Bengals: the offense can’t buy a first down and the defense can’t buy a turnover.
I don’t know if metaphorically buying first downs and turnovers goes towards the salary cap or is considered cheating, but if it’s on the up and up the Steelers should look into doing a Kickstarter campaign or two. Steeler Nation is pretty big, so crowd funding shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, it worked for the Veronica Mars movie, didn’t it? Besides, think of the perks!
Donate $5: Some random special teams player will RT you on Twitter.
Donate $10: Authentic game-used Terrible Towel found in the stands of Heinz Field after a game.
Donate $25: Some random special teams player will RT you on Twitter and autograph the game used Terrible Towel.
Donate $50: Mike Tomlin records an angry message for you to use as your voice mail message.
Donate $100: Air high five from Ben Roethlisberger.
Donate $500: David DeCastro aims to take out the knees of your enemy, but accidentally hits your friend.
Donate $1,000: The Pittsburgh Steelers do not force you to attend the game in Cleveland.
Donate $10,000: Heath Miller will tell you where he hid your remote so you can put your TV on mute and not have to listen to the clowns announcing the game.
Donate $100,000: Use Brett Keisel’s beard as a hiding spot in a game of hide-and-go-seek.
Donate $1,000,000: Surprise visit from Troy Polamalu. You won’t know it’s happening until he’s tackled you.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to shell out $1,000 to not be forced to go and see this team taking on the Browns in Cleveland? What kind of perks would you like to see for this hypothetical Kickstarter?