In case you missed the mascot battle last season, it’s really easy to understand. Each week, I’ll predict how NFL games will go based on which mascot would win in a battle. Real in-depth, accurate analysis happening here. You should definitely place your bets based on these posts.
The most anticipated mascot battle of week two is definitely Cowboys vs. Chiefs. This could be a movie. In fact, I think it’s like 200 movies. History will tell you the Cowboys win, but that’s long term. I want one-on-one, stereotypical cowboy on his horse vs. Indian chief with an awesome headdress. The cowboy has an advantage with his gun, but I think he’ll be slowed down by his desire not to spook the cows. The chief will have the advantage in knowing the terrain, but will his bow and arrow be as effective up close? Ultimately, I’m giving this one to the chief. He’s got the element of surprise.
Next we’ve got Titans vs. Texans. It’s BIG vs. BIG in this battle. Giant mythological gods vs. giant non-mythological Texans? I’ll give this one to the Texans, because I’d rather not incur their wrath. Plus, they have plenty of hell-fire of their own.
Saints vs. Buccaneers promises to be a good match-up. It’s the holy vs. the debauched. Oh who are we kidding. The Bucs win this one hands-down.
Alright, I can’t do all the games, because it would get really boring half-way through the season, but we’ll cap this off with the worst battle of week two: Dolphins vs. Colts. This match-up is just way too adorable to be efficient.
See you next week!
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides. Tweet her what mascot battles you’d like to see: @ebritter2.