Happy Super Bowl Sunday, football fans.
I hope you have stocked your fridge full of adult beverages and caloric goodness because today is the day that millions of Americans bust out their gigantic televisions (some of them very recently purchased) to watch the two “best” teams in the league do battle for a gaudy ring.
I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of something to write about on this particular Sunday and while it would be very easy for me to sit here and talk about how upset I am that the Jets aren’t in the Super Bowl, the truth is that I got over that about 5 weeks ago. I cried tears, kicked rocks, and then eventually came around to a sane, re-grouped mental state that’s got me jazzed up about the Super Bowl.
I’ve moved on.
Lucky for me, the Internet is full of people that do and stay stupid things for me to comment on. And yesterday evening, the universe presented my writer’s block with a gift from a magical place called the Huffington Post.
A women published an article in the Wedding section on HuffingtonPost.com entitled, “Why I’m Making My Husband Miss the Super Bowl.” Naturally, you can imagine why I might want to click on this article. A woman actually is making her husband miss the Super Bowl? Wow, that’s pretty messed up. I feel bad for that dude.
But as unbelievable as it might sound, this woman’s story is actually eleventy billion times worse than the headline leads you to believe.
(If you don’t want to read my summary of her horrific article, then skip down a few paragraphs…)
This woman (Stacey is her name) is making her husband miss the Super Bowl so that they can attend an 8pm dinner reservation to celebrate their one year wedding anniversary. Stacey and her husband were married the day before last year’s Super Bowl which, as it turns out, was also a bit of an issue at the time but as she explains, she wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of her special day (this already sounds like an episode of Bridezillas, the most amazing/awful show on television). And maybe having a wedding the day before, of, or after the Super Bowl isn’t a big deal for some dudes but it is for others. Oh, and there is also the fact that Stacey’s husband is a sports photographer. You kind of have to watch the Super Bowl if you work in sports.
Stacey realized that this “threat” to her anniversary celebration was getting serious when her husband’s beloved Houston Texans made it into the playoffs. So Stacey made a bet with her husband that if the Texans were not in it, she would get her special dinner wish and they would go to dinner during the Super Bowl. As a result of this bet, Stacey admits she rooted against her husband and for a team she didn’t even know the name of (that would be the Bengals and the Ravens, lady. It’s called the internet. Look it up. Your husband might appreciate it.) and got her way.
Don’t be too mad at her though. She makes a lot of sacrifices for her relationship, like agreeing to arrive at the restaurant early so that her husband could watch the first 90 minutes of the game, rubbing her husbands feet after a hard day at work or taking out the dog at 6:30 am to he can sleep.
If that wasn’t enough to already make you sick, it gets better….
Stacey is very happy to tell you that in her world, this is called compromise. After all, the first wedding anniversary is a special one (just ask Kim Kardashian, she says) and that both parties have done something to make the other happy. Oh. my. god.
Not all married couples are as equally passionate about their football teams as these two. But wouldn't it be great if they were?
Alright — enough. I can’t go on a second longer (and if you have made it this far without throwing up, you’re a better person than I am). This woman is nuts. Seriously nuts. And let me tell you why:
For the sake of argument let’s leave the Super Bowl element out of it for just one second (even though it’s Super Bowl Sunday and all). As a married woman (yes, I am married, so I can “relate”) this is a ridiculous thing to ask from a man who not only loves football, but earns a living taking photographs of sporting events.
Marriage is, indeed, about compromise but what this woman has done to her husband is not compromise. It’s needy, insecure manipulation and for what? An 8 pm dinner reservation?
You see, my husband loves football. But I happen to love it a lot more than him (I happen to love it more than a lot of guys I know). And yes, isn’t that great? It works out for us. But there are some things that we don’t like the same, for example, I don’t happen to understand the TV show “Myth Busters.” I feel rage inside my soul when that show comes on and I suspect it has something to do with the fact that while watching it, my husband falls into a trance of amazement and wonder watching explosions and science experiments. But that’s his thing, and when it’s on I peace out and do girly things like paint my nails. Or whatever. But I don’t bother him because THAT makes him happy. And he doesn’t bother me when I ask him to watch “The Help” (which, by the way, is a realllly good movie and isn’t what you might think).
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