But let’s be honest, who doesn’t love Patron?
Wes Welker does, that’s for sure! And he’s about to be taken off the market – the marriage market, that is. Whether or not he stays off the free agent market remains to be seen (can we get on that, Bill? Thanks.)
Confused? Here’s the scoop, courtesy of our friends at TMZ and The New York Post.
Since mandatory mini-camps came to an end last week, Welker and his fiancee, former Hooters’ waitress Anna Burns, have been hanging out in Aspen, Colorado, preparing for their nuptials this Sunday. Naturally, Welker has a few of his boys in the area with him to help celebrate his final days of freedom. The crew of seven got a little rowdy, though, when they tried to crash the Patron sponsored “Summerology” event at the 30th Annual “Aspen Food and Wine” festival. Welker apparently got himself confused with his good pal – and confirmed wedding guest – Tom Brady and tried to sneak past the party staff without their noticing he had no invite. No dice; Welker and his posse got into a “scuffle” with security and were eventually removed from the property.
If that’s not a great start to your last week of bachelordom, I don’t know what is.
Anywho, no harm, no foul, and Welker and his almost-Mrs. are almost ready to take the plunge. Given the wide receiver’s penchant for hilarity – or attempts at it in this and this Kenny Maybe video – it’s safe to say the wedding will be a jovial event. But since we clearly won’t be attending (invitation obviously having been lost in the mail), we imagine instead how the party will go down.
The guest list should be impressive. It’ll likely include childhood friends from Oklahoma and college buddies from Texas Tech, natch, but they’re boring and no one cares. Although Welker’s childhood pal Graham Colton did use to date Kelly Clarkson. So he has some cred.
More important guests will be Burns’ Hooters/model friends, Rob Gronkowski (most likely to befriend said Hooters/model friends), Brady (who will NOT be the best man), Gisele (flaunting that baby bump), Vince Wilfork (can you imagine him busting a move on the dance floor?) and Zolton Mesko (fun just follows that guy around).
Others we’d like to see: Roger Goodell, Hugh Hefner, Bill Belichick, Tim Tebow and LMFAO.
But the real fun will come at the reception. The Welker’s are rumored to be renting out steakHouse 316 for the affair and it looks quite swanky. If it’s open bar, though, and Gronkowski is there, no way it’s not an all-out bro-down. What if Mr. Rob isn’t invited, you ask? Choosing to ignore that possibility. So apologies to Miss Hooters International 2005 in the white dress, but football players dancing like fools is always pretty hilarious. Brady also said in a recent interview that he will be dancing at this thing and, as we all know, Brady dancing is the b e s t so someone better get that on YouTube ASAP.
Now, if you feel inspired to go ahead and send the happy couple a gift, you can check out their Williams Sonoma wish list and pick out a garlic press or something similarly useless that will most likely end up in a junk drawer they clean out once every two years. Really, who needs a $20 garlic press? Ever hear of the side of a knife? Presses garlic too.
All snark aside (no, really), best wishes and mad love to the Welker and Burns clans. Weddings are a magical occasion and here’s hoping the twosome find a lifetime of happiness together.
And after Welker says “I do”, perhaps Billy can say “I do” to a contract extension. Bet that’s somewhere on the registry…