Terrell Owens wants back in the NFL. I came up with a few helpful suggestions of ways to give his image a much needed makeover:
- Underwear ads. Can’t hurt, right?
- Compete on Dancing with the Stars. This show does wonders for celebrities you forgot were celebrities. Plus I want to see T.O.’s chest sparkle.
- Become a judge on the X-factor/Duets/American Idol/The Voice. Bring on that attitude!
- Write an autobiography. Better yet, write a children’s book! Oh wait, both of these have already happened for T.O. Write another one? Or maybe write one of those “do not read” books joked about on talk shows. Ellen would have a ball with this.
- Two words: personalized popcorn. Get it in the stores and make people associate buttery deliciousness with the name Terrell Owens. Well, even more than they already do.
In case those tips don’t work out, here are some non-football professions T.O. could try:
- NBA player. Move on from those Celebrity All-Star games and go full-time pro. It would be TO-tally insane…
- Pull an Ochocinco and try out for an MLS team. Better yet, play “football” in Europe- those guys know all about great goal celebrations.
- Become a lawyer. T.O. has so much legal experience already.
- HBO actor. Yeah, he’s tried acting before. But HBO appears to have money to burn, and T.O. likes to act without his shirt on. Win-win. May I suggest that he uses this as an audition tape?
- Touchdown celebration coach. Players should be advised to do the opposite of what he suggests.
- Get thee to a nunnery. Retirement: everyone else wants it, just go with it.