Why does this exist?

The Tampa Bay Lightning held a massive sale at their team store at the Forum this weekend. The store will be closed for a while due to the Republican National Convention taking over the building. Season ticket holders received a massive 50% discount on all merchandise purchased.

I headed down to the arena early Saturday morning to see what was available. I own so many Lightning shirts I could probably wear a different one every day for a month, but you can’t argue with that big of a sale. A thought resonated through my head as I perused the merchandise:

Why does this even exist?

The photo at the top of this story is an excellent example of this. I get a waffle maker / sandwich grill. Waffles and paninis are tasty. Never in my life have I thought either of these foods could be made better by the addition of a hockey team logo in the middle of it.  Unfortunately this was only the beginning of my confusion.

The pillows shown above were part of a bedroom set. They were all satiny blue, the pillows had hockey net like trim. I guess this is great if you’re Hugh Hefner and dig the Lightning. Extra disturbing? All of the bedspreads had sold out when I went back to the store today.

Sadly, this is what’s expected of Southern hockey. Do not want.

 This is taking the whole “Hockey Paradise” thing just a bit too far. I’ve seen guys wearing these in the arena. I felt bad for them. Because the shirts are almost $100 and they are ugly.

It’s not too surprising that the majority of the merchandise that made me shake my head was in the women’s section. Women’s team clothes are often a) pink, b) bedazzled beyond belief, or c) skanky.  This shirt is two out of three:

It’s just not practical. You’re attending a game played on a sheet of ice. It’s going to be chilly. You may need something with, I don’t know… sleeves!

Na na na na na na na na BOLT CAPE!

These dresses really get my goat. They aren’t in anything resembling team colors and you would freeze if you wore them to a game. If I see anyone wearing these I will publicly ridicule you.

This purse retails for $60.00 and is incredibly poorly made.

Not to mention, it’s just plain ugly. The only thing that makes this Lightning related is the bedazzled heart keychain.

I left the store with a reusable tumbler, two t-shirts, and a whole lot of “Why?”. What did you pick up at the sale this weekend?