Dear Boston Red Sox,
It is with sincere gratitude that we send this note of appreciation. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for the only collapse in baseball history to be worse the that of the Atlanta Braves. Not only that, but the firing of your manager, a one Terry Francona, followed by rumors of prescription drug abuse/misuse and the possibility that he may have been living in a hotel has kept the public wondering what else there was to know about your team.
The discovery of more intriguing storylines has been a joy to watch. (As you may know, there are so few daytime soap operas anymore.) It is even better that your top pitchers are major characters in this “can’t miss” drama. In the defense of said pitchers, the weather in your region has been less than desirable, so it is understandable why they would rather be in the clubhouse drinking beer, eating fried chicken, and drinking beer. Apparently, this view is not as widely accepted.
Not only did this story occur at the perfect time, it has multiplied. Theo Epstein leaving the organization has taken up even more airtime than if all had been well within the Fenway. This may not be good in the coming seasons as MoneyBall with Money comes to the National League. (MoneyBall with Money is a trademark of She Is Out of Your League and LK Communications as so named by Leslie Koerdt to describe the concept that won the two championships in your fair city.) Speaking of this, at a later time, it would be interesting to hear what made you overpay for certain players when the concept had down so well for you. Again, the why does not matter so much to us- we are just thrilled that it happened.
We do symphathize with your situation, as we to have been devistated in our own right. Thanks to you, we have been able to grieve in peace, and for this we are forever in the debt of the Red Sox orginization.
Best of luck in your recovery efforts,
The Atlanta Braves, The City of Atlanta, and All of Braves Country