(It is currently 12:53 a.m. and “How Will I Know?” by Whitney Houston is playing on the 80s Music Choice channel as I begin this post. I figured I’d give you an idea of the frame of mind I was in when I wrote it because I am planning on scheduling this post to appear on the site at 9 a.m. just in case I oversleep because I stayed up late to watch the Oscars.)
First things first, this is going to sound a bit nit-picky but as I was looking at Google News for links to put into this post, I kept seeing article titles that say, “Curtis Granderson Breaks Arm,” and that is actually annoying me because he didn’t break his own forearm. It wasn’t like he was diving for a ball and landed on it strangely, J.A. Happ was the one who broke Granderson’s forearm with an errant pitch so let’s not get it twisted, okay? Thanks. Like last season when “Alex Rodriguez broke his finger.” No, Felix Hernandez of Seattle Mariners broke Alex’s finger. Thanks again.
And by the way, my friend’s mother likes to make voodoo dolls, so Mr. Happ better look out because I may be asking for one.
Another thing that’s been bothering me all night is the fact that I was witnessing fans of other teams laughing at Yankee fans who were upset about Granderson’s bad break. More specifically, fans of the Toronto Blue Jays, the team whose pitcher injured Granderson. Did these people not learn from their experiences last season when they lost their entire starting five to injury and lost Jose Bautista to a wrist injury for an extended period of time? You don’t make fun of a guy when he gets injured. It’s not good juju. Plus, they have Jose Reyes and Josh Johnson who both could be injured by April 2 and out for the entire year. Their team’s home field is made of fake grass layered on top of concrete, if Melky Cabrera attempts to make a diving play like the one he made robbing Robinson Cano of a base hit in yesterday’s game, he could break his face or something.
Thirdly, can people please stop declaring the Yankees dead? It’s still February. Is Granderson’s injury bad? Of course it is but if everything goes as scheduled, he’ll be back a month into the season. It’s not a season-ending injury and the Yankees can just plug someone into left field. I know some of you are thinking, “But Stace, they already lost like 1800 home runs with Martin and Swisher leaving for other teams.” Again, it’s way too soon to panic. Does anyone else remember 2007? The Yankees were 12 games out as late as June and they still made the playoffs. Everyone just needs take a few deep cleansing breaths and calm down. I promise, it will be fine.
Next, I briefly touched upon this subject on Saturday but just in case you missed it, trademark judges ruled that an entrepreneur can’t register “Baseballs Evil Empire” because that moniker belongs to the New York Yankees.
“The record shows that there is only one EVIL EMPIRE in baseball and it is the New York Yankees.”
I love this so much that I think the Yankees need to go all out and let everyone know that they are indeed the Evil Empire. They should embrace the evil by dressing Stadium security guards in Imperial Army uniforms and by playing the Imperial March during their lineup intros. Okay, maybe not.
And lastly, Andrew Marchand of ESPN New York tweeted this during the Oscars telecast:
“I didn’t think Seth MacFarlane was that bad. But I listen to Joe Girardi for a living.”
Some people thought it was a good zinger. I thought it was stupid but hey, what do I know?
(By the way, as I ended this post at 1:19 a.m., the 80s channel was playing “Baby Don’t Forget My Number” by Milli Vanilli. Oh, and I’m joking about the voodoo doll. Not about my friend’s mom making them but about me ordering one. Happ’s safe, for now…)