The Yankees Have Made Their 2012 Resolutions

Hello 2012!

(Gag post alert.)

It’s that time of the year again, time to make your resolutions. Stacey’s are the same as last year (and the year before): To eat less, exercise more and to write more. Nothing too hard to keep.

Ashley plans to read 100 books (nerd) and run 200 miles (overachiever). No big.

Meanwhile, the Yankees’ players also made some resolutions for 2012. Here are some of them, exclusively provided by Spreadin’ the News:

CC Sabathia: To cut down on Captain Crunch, again.
Phil Hughes: To arrive at camp in shape.
AJ Burnett: To learn how to pitch well enough to be a No. 5 starter and not a No. 9 starter.
Derek Jeter: To sign enough balls to hand out to the ladies this season.
Mark Teixeira and Nick Swisher: To hit in the playoffs.
Francisco Cervelli: To be less Cervelli and to be more anyone else.
Alex Rodriguez: To have more Google results of his name pertain to baseball instead of his social life.
Curtis Granderson: To continue to be a “singles hitter.”
Robinson Cano: To continue his ascent in the lineup.
Brett Gardner: To have higher socks than D-Rob.
Freddy Garcia: To make the $5 million the Yankees are paying him this year worth their while. (Please?)
David Robertson: To be less Houdini-like and to just start mowing people down.
Mariano Rivera: Mo needs no resolutions. He’s pretty much perfect.

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