Welcome to the live blog of Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Quarterfinals between the Blackhawks and the Phoenix Coyotes.

I’m doing this because it will keep me from passing out during the game. I hope.

Newest comments are at the top.

12:00 AM Martin Hanzal wins the game for the Coyotes 3-2. The Coyotes lead the series 1-0. And now, bedtime for me. Hope you enjoyed this live blog despite the outcome.

11:59 PM Note to self: Before I try to live blog again, get sleep and booze.

11:58 PM The Coyotes are coming on strong. There were about three really good consecutive chances for the ‘Yotes.

11:57 PM Oh, God, please just keep it out of your zone, Blackhawks! Shane Doan nearly won it there!

11:55 PM Nice save by Crawford through the screen!

11:54 PM Oh, good, an icing! Time to breathe again!

11:53 PM I don’t want Torres to have anything to do with a game-winning goal unless it’s for you, Blackhawks!

11:52 PM You look great, linesman. Welcome back to the game.

11:51 PM Oh, an offsides whistle. Time to take a deep breath. Sweet, sweet oxygen!

11:49 PM My heart is in my throat right now. Overtime might kill me. RIP Kat. She was a good person.

11:47 PM If my posts become more erratic, it’s because I’m breathing into a paper bag so I don’t pass out and die.

11:46 PM All of this love for Seabrook make my heart swell with pride. That’s my boy!

11:37 PM I kind of want to run around, screaming “IT WORKED! IT WORKED!” but that’d be a little premature.

11:31 PM And we’re going into overtime! It worked! It finally worked!

11:30 PM OH MY GOD! BRENT SEABROOK TAPS IT IN, AND IT’S 2-2 BLACKHAWKS! I might have had to clamp my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming and waking everyone else up.

11:29 PM I’m just going to roll my eyes at this.

11:28 PM I’m going to guess that Q is going to pull Crawford very soon. Like that ever works for the Blackhawks.

11:27 PM It’s nice to see Toews isn’t afraid to get to the net. It’s a good sign, I think.

11:25 PM Remember when the Coyotes sucked because Wayne Gretzky was coaching them? Those were the days, huh?

11:24 PM Shot on goal right off the draw, but Crawford soaks it up. Don’t let them do that again, Blackhawks.

11:23 PM Shaw gets away with a trip. What a pest.

11:22 PM The Blackhawks Training Camp Festival is September 22. Mark your calendars!

11:20 PM And the Coyotes kill that penalty, too. SIGH.

11:19 PM Well, this power play looks better than the other three, but still no score. My everlasting tears.

11:16 PM Keith Yandle highsticks Shaw, and the Blackhawks go on yet another power play. COME ON. SCORE, YOU IDIOTS.

11:15 PM Oh, no, what happened to Kane? …Okay, so, maybe he was just shaken up.

11:12 PM Smith covers yet another attempt, then yet another bit of pushing and shoving in front of the goal.

11:09 PM Are the Coyotes fans really chanting Crawford’s name? This only makes him stronger, fools!

11:08 PM Ekman-Larsson gets a breakaway, but shoots it wide. Shaw tries for it on the other side, but Smith smothers it.

11:07 PM Total clown shoes.

11:04 PM Patrick Kane gets knocked down by Oliver Ekman-Larsson, and the Blackhawks go back on the power play. JUST SCORE, ALREADY.

11:00 PM Whitney was in all alone, but Crawford makes a great save!

10:59 PM Great shift by the Sharp-Kruger-Stalberg line, but the Coyotes get it out.

10:58 PM I’m so exhausted right now. So are the Blackhawks.

10:54 PM If the Blackhawks lose this game tonight, I’m pretty sure Hannah won’t allow me near the site until the series is over. Again.

10:52 PM Oh, are you talking to Mike Kitchen? Let me just — (mutes TV)

10:36 PM A couple of last-second chances by the Blackhawks, but the Coyotes are still ahead 2-1.

10:35 PM And the power play collapses into clown shoes. Awesome.

10:34 PM Great puck movement by the Blackhawks, but Mike Smith makes saves.

10:33 PM The Blackhawks go on their second power play. DECLINE!

10:32 PM Scrum in front of the Coyotes net. Bolland was shoved into the net by Vermette, and he crashes into Smith. who gets understandably pissed off.

10:30 PM Torres centers a pass to Vermette and it’s 2-1 Coyotes. Puke.

10:27 PM And the Blackhawks kill the penalty! Marian Hossa with a huge chance, but Smith makes the save.

10:25 PM Crawford with a huge save on the penalty kill! Duncan Keith tried to clear the puck, but it hit Marcus Kruger in the ass and nearly gave up another goal.

10:24 PM First penalty is over, and Bolland clears the puck right out of the box.

10:22 PM Oh, great, a 5-on-3 for the Coyotes, now that Patrick Sharp gets a delay of game penalty. Barf.

10:21 PM The coyote howl cracks me up. I know people hate it, but it’s better than “Sandstorm.”

10:20 PM I’m so tired that time seems to have slowed down. Should we be in the second intermission by now?

10:18 PM And the Coyotes will get their first power play. Looks like it’ll be Dave Bolland sitting for being a hooker.

10:17 PM Good shift for the Toews-Hossa-Kane line, but great defense by the Coyotes keeps the score tied.

10:15 PM If the Bolland-Bickell-Shaw line doesn’t score, it will be a travesty.

10:13 PM Upon further review, Niklas Hjalmarsson and Sean O’Donnell herped when they should have derped, not allowing Crawford to do his damn job.

10:12 PM WE’LL NEVER GET A SHUTOUT — NOT EVEN IN THE POSTSEASON. Whatever, just regroup, pull your heads out of your behinds, and win this game, Blackhawks!

10:09 PM Good shift by the Coyotes, but Crawford making great stops… and then the Coyotes tie it. Just a matter of time, honestly. Looks like there was a blown too many men on the ice call, too. 1-1 Blackhawks.

10:07 PM Raffi Torres was hit by Brent Seabrook, and then his stuff attempt hit the goal post even though Vermette was wide open. Excellent.

10:05 PM Shaw, you’re so pesky! Breaking up passes, keeping plays alive…

10:03 PM What happened to Vrbata, though, Phoenix?

10:01 PM Can the Blackhawks get the puck out of their own zone? That’d be great.

10:00 PM The Blackhawks were outhit 22-7 in the first period. Like it really matters.

9:58 PM So it seems that Radim Vrbata might be out of the game? Which means not having to watch him score in rage-inducing ways, maybe? Seriously, though, hope he’s okay.

9:56 PM Meanwhile, the Blues and Sharks are going into their second overtime. Dear God.

9:43 PM And we go into the first intermission with the Blackhawks up 1-0.

9:42 PM Eddie O has it right. Shaw needs to buckle down and act more maturely if he wants to keep playing in this game.

9:41 PM Holy shi– what a beauty of a save by Crawford! Stop with the giveaways in your own zone, Blackhawks! And now with a scrum behind the net. Oh, okay.

9:39 PM Crawesome!

9:37 PM You see your teammate not wanting to touch the puck, but you skate right up to it and put it offsides anyway, Stalberg. Heh.

9:37 PM NO LATE GOALS, YOU JERKS.

9:35 PM Hey, hey, HEY! Keep your filthy mitts off of my captain, you dirty desert dogs!

9:34 PM Bickell has had more shots on goal tonight than he had the first 40 games of the season, I think.

9:33 PM Ray Whitney frightens me.

9:32 PM Well, at least they’re not letting the puck get out of the… oh, there it goes out of the zone.

9:28 PM The Blackhawks will get the first power play of the game, thanks to Andrew Shaw drawing one. Decline!

9:27 PM Niklas Hjalmarsson destroyed… whoever that was! (It was Rostislav Klesla.)

9:26 PM Thank goodness for Corey Crawford on that play. Ugh, stop turning over the puck!

9:24 PM Are people who are watching the game on NBC Sports Network getting to listen to Pat and Eddie like us folks in Chicago? Please don’t get drunk like usual, Foley.

9:22 PM “Nice stick by Stalberg.” Heh. But, really, it was a nice move by Viktor Stalberg to keep Vermette from scoring. He obviously remembers Vermette was on the Blue Jackets.

9:19 PM Nice save by Mike Smith on Bryan Bickell. Yeah, you have to make sure he can’t see the puck, or else he’ll keep doing that all night.

9:17 PM I forgot Antoine Vermette ended up on the Coyotes. Must’ve been nice to escape from the Blue Jackets and land on a playoff team.

9:15 PM Finally, Google Chrome has loaded! Thankfully, there’s been no score yet, though it’s been a pretty exciting… OH MY GOD. Jonathan Toews scores four minutes into the game! 1-0 Blackhawks.

9:06 PM Aww, look at his stupid hat. It’s such a dumb hat! Hee.

9:04 PM It’s Jonathan Toews! I’ve missed him so muh-huh-huch!

9:03 PM Is Eddie Olczyk growing a playoff goatee? Gross.

9:01 PM (Insert joke about Quebec City here.)

8:58 PM The @NHLBlackhawks Twitter made sure to tweet this out:

He’s back.