Specifically, this girl. I guess.

Apparently, Jonathan Toews is enjoying the company of another blonde who isn’t Patrick Kane, one Lindsey Vecchione.

Let us turn to 25Stanley.com for the “news,” via the magic of Google Translate:

Jonathan Toews definitely likes collecting trophies. After the Stanley Cup, the Broadmoor Cup, Conn Smythe, Gabrielle Velasquez , now the captain of the Chicago Blackhawks come to pick up Lindsey Vecchione. There is nothing official yet, but on different discussion forumsand social networks it is said that Toews Vecchione and sleep together for 7-8 months. She was also the one to marry Brent Seabrook last summer. We also potine they were together at the Rush concert in Chicago in September. Recently, Lindsey Vecchione was the event Champs for Charity at the Allstate Arena in Chicago to watch Jonathan Toews played hockey for a good cause. In addition, it is newly blonde girlfriend with Niklas Hjalmarsson, a teammate Captain Serious in Blackhawks.

I will not begin to describe the new Stanley Hot physically Jonathan Toews, because I think your eyes (and grout drool on the side of your mouth) will be able to do the job. Unless blondes with fake boobs too big you turn-off.

That’s quite enough of that.

I’m sure little girls are losing their damn minds again, since that’s what happened the last time Toews went out in public with a lady friend. Again, if you’re looking for misogynistic comments directed toward Ms. Vecchione, head on over to Tumblr and talk-sports. I don’t play that shit. I save my jokes for the guys.

I don’t really give a damn about this story. I just want to stay on top of Google searches when people type in “jonathan toews girlfriend slut” again.

In related news, I’m beyond sad that I’m writing about this instead of a hockey game. I hate this lockout so much.

This is me right now. The drink is alcoholic.