Jets vs. Bengals. Class it up and this battle is straight out of that Lorde song, Royals (does that make “Islands” the Dolphins? Can we have a three-way battle?!):
Packers vs. Vikings. This is one of my all-time favorite mascot match-ups because I picture it being movie-battle crazy. Meat cleavers and those horned hats will collide, just like at bad Halloween party when the host runs out of candy.
The winner here is clearly the viewer. Not allowed? Okay, the Vikings win this one, because apparently meat cleavers existed in those days too.
Falcons vs. Cardinals. Less common than the usual bird vs. squirrel match-up you typically see in your backyard is the bird vs. bird battle. The falcons have the predatory edge, but cardinals have that “wake you up at 4am with their incessant chirping” thing going for them. Or we could look at it like this:
Big Bird the Falcons obviously win this one.
It was tough to pick the worst mascot battle this week, but ultimately, it goes to Bills vs. Saints. This is just too adorable.
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. She communicates mostly in moos on Twitter: @ebritter2.