My how the time has flown (on the wings of the Falcons and Cardinals this week) on these mascot battles. It’s already week 7!
Are you ready to battle?
Our first battle comes straight out of gladiator Rome…or The Wizard of Oz: Lions vs. Bengals. Shockingly, I’m not going to do the Disney comparison (although clearly Mufasa would win out over Rajah). Instead, I want cold hard facts. According to John Varty and his Wikipedia citation, ”if there’s a fight, the tiger will win, every time.” Well that was easy. Advantage: Bengals!
In another decently realistic match-up, we have Broncos vs. Colts. In case you’re wondering the difference, I did some research (yeah, okay, I just Wikipedia-ed it again). Broncos are wild, bucking horses. Colts are young, male horses under four years of age. Broncos can be unreliable and unpredictable, while the best fact about colts is that in the wild, they form bachelor herds called rakes. So basically, both are awesome (and can technically be the same thing). I’ll give the slight advantage to the Broncos because they’re older, wilder, and have a little more experience in the horse-world.
Next, we’ve got America vs. America (because I missed out on the Eagles vs. Patriots match-up at the beginning of the season). It’s Eagles vs. Cowboys! It’s flag-waving-in-its-beak “I am the symbol of America” vs. flag-waving-on-the-back-of-a-horse “I built America.” Who will win? Probably the Cowboys. They have guns.
Last and least, it’s the worst battle of the week: Browns vs. Packers. I think about working the Browns in every week, but until they face a team with a cat mascot, I’ve got nothing. Plus, this battle just sounds messy. And violent. But ultimately, it goes to the Packers.
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. If she can’t ride an eagle (MURICA!) then an emu would do: @ebritter2.