Dolphins vs. Jets. Water battle!! (Yelled with the same enthusiasm as Oprah announcing a giveaway). Can some dolphins handle the Jacuzzi jets?
Whatever technology, Dolphins still win.
Rams vs. 49ers. Picture a rugged man panning for gold in a clear, California stream. A shaggy ram runs up, unseen, and head-butts the man into the stream. A fight ensues, water splashing everywhere. Is this a bad painting in your hotel room or part of the mascot battle?
Definitely mascot battle. Winner: Rams.
Jaguars vs. Browns. I just wanted an excuse to bring up that awful show CatDog and force you to listen to the theme song. But then I found this fun video instead:
Everyone wins this one.
Worst mascot battle of the week: Falcons vs. Bills because symbiosis of course.
Winner: Bills. Look at those horns!
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. If you want to hear about all the potatoes she ate at Thanksgiving, follow her on Twitter: @ebritter2.