Saints vs. Seahawks. At first thought, this is a terrible match-up. Then I realized we could have a battle in the air without pitting two boring feathered mascots against each other for the 50th time this season. Just think of all the awesome magic and swooping that would occur.
Magical swooping win goes to the Seahawks. They have claws.
Colts vs. Patriots. What’s un-American about young horses? Why does this have to be an either/or situation?
Ok yeah, either/or the Patriots still win by virtue of being patriotic.
49ers vs. Panthers. My favorite kind of battle: the kind that could really happen. I don’t think Yosemite Sam could hold out against a sneak attack from a panther.
Now I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger, but this one goes to the Panthers.
Chargers vs. Broncos. You would think a bolt of lighting could stand up to a horse, or at least do some singe-damage to a beautiful mane of hair. But what about those metal horse hooves? I’m no electricity expert, and in fact, I’m pretty sure this is dead wrong, but I’m going to say it anyway. What if the horse reflected the lighting back with it’s hooves?
Winner: Broncos. Because what if they used the lightning to turn into unicorns?
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. In any battle, the unicorns win. Want to discuss? Find her on Twitter @ebritter2.