Patriots vs. Broncos. Let’s pause this battle before it’s even begun so you can Google “patriotic horses.” What Google taught me is that every horse has the heart of a patriot. Also the mane of a patriot, the hooves of a patriot, and a giant American flag painted on it’s haunches.
The Broncos win this one for being both horses AND patriotic.
49ers vs. Seahawks. Will the Niners’ giant hats protect them from the claws of the Seahawks? Can the Hawks hold an advantage inland against the swings of those pickaxes?
If they can control their beards, the 49ers have the advantage here.
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer for Aerys Offsides. You can follow her on Twitter @ebritter2.