This terrible image represents the Red Wings rolling over the poor and slightly girly Avalanche. (Original photo by Uniroyal via Wikimedia Commons)

And when I say destroyed, I mean destroyed. It was like the Chicago scene from Transformers 3. The Detroit Red Wings made the Colorado Avalanche look like tiny, tiny girls. The Red Wings seemed to literally skate circles around the Avs, working their will at every turn.

Needless to say, it was a tad frustrating.

In true masochistic form, allow me to summarize the awful pile of fail that was last night’s game.

1. Nicklas Lidstrom looked like Nicklas Lidstrom and put an early unassisted goal up for Detroit. No cause for panic, the man is good at his job. The Avs can do this.
2. Johan Franzen scores on a power play goal early in the second. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. The Avs aren’t moving well and don’t seem to be clicking at all. Uh oh.
3. Jay McClement goes to the box for boarding and Johan Franzen gets yet another power play goal (a tip-in, really). Now I have a feeling in my stomach like I’ve been riding in a stagecoach over a washboard dirt road. To top it all off, I have a sneaking suspicion the wheels are coming off. Sacco pulls Varlamov, which only serves to reinforce the panic.
4. DETROIT PENALTY! Ok, the Avs have a decent power play, maybe this will help. Sure enough, Gabriel Landeskog steps up and makes his presence known. 3 – 1 Wings. Things still look hazy, but I am no longer looking for a cliff.
5. Danny Cleary puts in an easy wrister at the beginning of the third. Sigh.
6. Pavel Datsyuk is called for holding and Milan Hejduk puts a beauty past Jimmy Howard. Avs cut the lead to two goals: 4 – 2 Wings. Do you believe in miracles?
7. Giguere is pulled. There is nothing scarier than an empty net behind lackluster forwards and a hole-y defense. Yup, there he goes, Franzen gets the empty netter and therefore the hat trick. Avs are definitely losing this one. There’s the buzzer.
8. 5 – 2 Red Wings, and the only conclusion to make about this Avs team is that the early road win streak was a fluke. This team, the less-than-mediocre, less-than-the-sum-of-its-parts group of players, is the true Avalanche identity. Ok, now I’m angry.

The Exes: There weren’t any ex-Avs on the Detroit roster and Todd Bertuzzi was out sick. Pretty quiet on the exes front.

Make My Night: It is safe to say that the Avs did not even come close to making my night. In 6 of the 7 Detroit games leading up to last night the Red Wings scored at most two goals. One of my wishes was that Detroit would experience a resurrection of their offensive struggles against the Avs. Clearly, that was not to be. The Avs did manage to overcome their inconsistent play…but they accomplished this by proving that they are consistently slow, timid, and simply sub-par. They put up 26 shots to Detroit’s 30, but rebounds were pretty tough to come by and the Avs were just completely outplayed at every turn.

My Predictions: As usual, these were completely incorrect. Oddly the total goals was correct (I predicted 4 – 3 and the final was 2 – 5), but that isn’t exactly earth-shattering. It’s just strange.

The boys need to pull their heads and hearts out of whatever small, dark place they currently occupy and remember how to play hockey. Sooner would be better. Poor performance creates all sorts of talk about coaching and personnel changes, which just make me uncomfortable. I dislike discussing them because a) I have absolutely no more information than any other fan, and b) my opinion matters exactly zero to anyone in charge. I would much rather the team just start winning and negate the chatter.

So come on, boys…for the sake of all of your jobs, WIN. You can start by defeating the Islanders Thursday night for the first time in quite a while.

Avs' defenseman Erik Johnson had two assists in the shoot out win over Montreal.

Can you say “spoilers” ladies and gentlemen?

The Colorado Avalanche skated into the Bell Centre in Montreal to face a team aching for a home win with a goalie aching for win #100. But the Avs refused to roll over for the Canadiens. Kyle Quincey managed to tie up the score on a power play goal with a few minutes left in the third, Varlamov kept the Habs out of the net in OT and the shoot out, and Milan Hejduk and Matt Duchene both scored during the shoot out to complete the denial of Carey Price’s 100th win. The Avs won their fourth game in a row 6 – 5.

Since I was at a Colorado College hockey game and didn’t get to watch the Avs’ win, rather than making stuff up (which never happens on the Internet) I will compare my predictions for the game to reality.

My predictions: 4 – 2 Avs, including an empty net goal after Price is pulled in the third. The Habs get a little frustrated and emotional and eventually tally their first fight of the season…and lose. Ryan O’Reilly gets his name on the scoresheet. And the Habs’ announcers mispronounce “Landeskog” at least 8 times.

The score was clearly off, but at least the Avs won. Sweet. Price was never pulled. The Habs got a little testy but largely seem to have been much more controlled (and much less sloppy) than the Avs, making the big plays when they were needed and coming back from deficits to have the lead with 7 minutes left in the game. There was no fight, but there were 9 penalties…5 of them on the Habs. Ryan O’Reilly did not get his name on the scoresheet. I have no way of knowing how the announcers managed to mess up “Landeskog,” but I have faith that they did so many times.

This is why I usually don’t make predictions.

Fun details…

• P.K. Subban, who was so nice as to say the Avs are a “good young team,” lost his cool a tad and was called for kneeing during the game.
• David Jones was in beast mode with two goals and one assist.
• Gabriel Landeskog and Daniel Winnik led the team with four shots on goal, but neither managed to get it past Price.
• Chuck Kobasew scored! Woohoo!
• The Avs didn’t manage to put as many pucks on the net (only 30 compared to the Canadiens’ 43) as they have in recent games. It still worked out ok, clearly, but they need to focus on shooting more in Toronto on Monday.

On Monday night the Avs complete their road trip in Toronto, where they will face ex-teammates John Michael Liles and Philippe Dupuis. For once, I hope JML’s interesting defensive play bites his team in the butt and the Avs dominate him.

Dupuis can score all of the Maple Leaf’s goals. As long as it’s one less than those scored by the Avalanche.

Sky rockets in flight and such.

This evening our very own Colorado Avalanche will take on the storied Montreal Canadiens. This is a big game for both clubs; the Avs haven’t started 4 – 0 on the road since – well, ever, as the Avs – and the Habs have only won one game thus far this season. If the latter can’t figure out how to win tonight, they may collectively be tarred and feathered as they leave the Bell Centre. Canadians take their Canadiens hockey seriously.

I bet I’m the very first person EVER to make that joke.

Anyway, back to the game. Per Adrian Dater the Avs will take the ice sans Peter Mueller. In his place will be…wait for it…Kevin Porter. Galiardi will be the healthy scratch.

Hmmm. Well, coach Joe Sacco makes the big bucks to make big decisions, so I guess we just get to trust him on this one.

Sadly the Avs won’t get to continue their Tour of Ex-Avalanche Goalies tonight as Montreal is reportedly starting Carey Price instead of Peter Budaj. Not a big surprise, all in all. Price is also still hunting for his 100th win, a fact that will  likely add a little extra oomph (or desperation) to his play.

It would make my night if…

• Gabriel Landeskog gets a goal in his third straight game.
• The Avs’ Bigger, Better Defense continues to defend the zone.
• Jan Hejda continues to protect his goalie with an excess of bad attitude.
• The Avs play a disciplined game and make Mathieu Darche eat his words.
• The Avs take advantage of power plays as they did in Ottawa.
• P.K. Subban regrets the accuracy of his compliment because the Avs out-perform their “good young team” reputation.
• Carey Price leaves the Bell Centre crying like a tiny, tiny girl after being denied his 100th win.
• Cody McLeod or Erik Johnson or Ryan O’Byrne or Ryan Wilson (or anyone, really) puts Yannick Weber flat on his butt for the insinuation that the Colorado Avalanche are a sub-par team against whom they can put up an easy win to placate the fans.

Landeskog, a.k.a. "Swedish Baby Snowstorm," got his first NHL goal in the Avs' 3 - 2 SO win over the Blue Jackets. He was moving much faster than this when it happened. (Photo courtesy of CM Sonka.)

If I wasn’t a bandwagon St. Louis Cardinals fan, tonight’s Colorado Avalanche game against the Columbus Blue Jackets would’ve been my biggest emotional roller coaster in recent weeks. I honestly can’t decide if that means I’m entirely too invested in playoff baseball, or that the Avs have been somewhat less than enthralling.

The first period was encouraging. Cody McLeod tangled with Derek Dorsett a few minutes into the game. T.J. Galiardi reminded everyone that he’s still on the team by putting a wrister past Steve Mason. And the Avs’ bigger, better defense managed to kill off three penalties. While it was nice to see the team hold up defensively and watch Varlamov stop all 11 CBJ shots, it was frustrating to see so few shots on goal (a mere 7) from the Avalanche offense. The fact that at least one of the 7 was directed at an empty net just made it worse.

The second period was pretty boring quiet. The coach’s lectures about sloppy play and penalties in the first intermission must’ve paid off; there were only two penalties called all period. Sadly the Avs’ passion seemed inextricably tied to their proclivity for penalties. The period was a clean one, but truly uninspiring. The Avs again only managed to put 7 shots on Mason while Varly faced 19. One of the 19, from Rick Nash, snuck through.

In the third period disaster struck early when the only CBJ shot found its way home. Luckily the Avs’ response was frenzy. They put 16 shots on net, and while it was clear that their renewed energy had Columbus a little rattled, the Avs didn’t convert on any of their power play opportunities. All that was forgotten in the closing seconds of regulation when Ryan O’Reilly and Jan Hejda combined with Gabriel Landeskog for the tying goal.

It took a little time for the acknowledgement to come, but tonight, Gabriel Landeskog (or Swedish Baby Snowstorm, as I called him in a fit of delirium a few days ago) got his first NHL goal.

If that doesn’t deserve a “woohoo!” then I don’t know what does.

The overtime period was uneventful…but the shoot out. The shoot out was a thing of beauty. Varly allowed a goal by Rick Nash, but denied both Vinny Prospal and Jeff Carter. Steve Mason was not quite as stalwart as Varly and allowed goals by both Milan Hejduk and Matt Duchene. I call this beautiful for several reasons: #1, an Avs goalie managed to stop the puck. This still amazes me every time it happens. #2, Matt Duchene finally did something useful. #3, the Avs won 3 – 2!

Don’t look now, but the Avs have won two in a row. Literally, don’t look. The two games were televised, but not heavily watched due to an 11:00 am puck drop on a Monday and a black out in Columbus. (Tonight’s game was available on NHL’s Game Center, but if you don’t have access to that you were stuck with the radio broadcast.) By contrast they lost the sold out opening night game 3 – 0 to the dreaded Red Wings. Perhaps the Avs can only win when no one is looking?

Tomorrow night the Avs take on the Ottawa Senators. Chances are they will face Craig Anderson in net. I can’t think of a better time for the offense to find some chemistry. And, you know, score some goals.

Now is the time for all good prospects to BATTLE. (Photo by @JessicaAvsFan)

…And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except for Katie, because she’s a freak with sleep issues on the most unexciting of days.

Seriously, folks. I average 2 – 3 hours of sleep a night. 5 is solid. 6 is HEAVEN. Today was a crazy day and my brain desperately needs a few hours of recharge time. But every time I close my eyes and drift off some part of my subconscious remembers that training camp starts tomorrow and I’m jarred awake.

I haven’t yet decided if I’m upset about this.

I’ve mentioned this before, but from camp through the preseason is actually my favorite part of the hockey season. I love watching the New Kids On The Block and seeing how they may fit in with The Old Guys. (You know, old. Like Matt Duchene.) I love watching the AHLers battle for a shot at The Show. And suddenly the disappointments, nay, heartbreak of last season don’t matter so much because HOCKEY IS FINALLY BACK!!!!

I get to catch the full open-to-the-public session on Saturday and a few minutes on Sunday. During these precious hours I will be watching carefully for the answers to these questions:

1. Everyone (read: Dater and a few others) have said the team is bigger and stronger. How will this impact their play and overall look on the ice?

2. How do each of the new additions (NKOTB) fit in with their new teammates?

3. Is Landeskog as fun to watch as advertised? More importantly, is he ready to be effective THIS season?

4. Which defensemen rise to the top, embracing the competition and proving themselves worthy warriors?

5. How do goalies Varlamov and Giguere handle their roles…whatever they might be? I realize camp is not exactly the best place for amateurs like me to examine goalie potential, but…do they look like they give us a better chance to win than the goalies we let go? (Note: I fully believe this is a stupid question. The answer is also pointless, since we have who we have. However, it’s still a question that popped into my head.)

6. Now that Peter Mueller put on some additional mass and is, you know, on the ice, how has his game changed? Does it look like the road to recovering his former touch will be long? Or has the weight and injury caused a fundamental shift?

7. Will it ever be possible to obtain a blue practice jersey? Those are AWESOME.

That’s about it for me. I’ll let you all know what I see at camp and what I believe to be the answers to my questions. If you can’t make it to camp yourself, I’m sure there will be a plethora of opinions made public by a bevy of people. Read them all, or as many as possible…it’ll give you a much more comets view and make your life far more entertaining.

HAPPY TRAINING CAMP DAY AVS FANS!

That’s right, only 53 days until hockey season. Last night I watched some preseason football to take the edge of my craving for some “bash his head in! HARDER!” sports action. It worked a little bit, but as so often happens in these situations, now I’m jonesing even harder for The Real Thing.

I want to see Erik Johnson put someone on their head. (Cal Clutterbuck makes an excellent someone.)

I want to see newcomer Shane O’Brien fight someone.

Heck, I’d even watch Matt Hunwick LOSE a fight to someone at this point.

Ah, hockey. Gotta love it. Anyway, back to Shane O’Brien. He is one of four players currently on the Avalanche roster without a sweater number. The others are fellow defenseman Jan Hejda and forwards Chuck Kobasew and Joakim Lindstrom.

These poor guys must be feeling just a tad left out, especially since new goalies Jean-Sebastien Giguere and Semyon Varlamov have numbers already. (35 and 1 respectively, just in case you were wondering.) I know goalies tend to be a little bit of a special circumstance in and of themselves, but it’s still sad that the other four are numberless. It’s not quite as bad as homelessness, but it’s close. Plus it forces their teammates to be more creative about nicknames and taunts, which is just inconvenient.

So on this 53rd day until hockey season officially begins, take a moment and mourn the gaps in the Avs’ roster. Let the hole in your heart cry out to the hole in the “#” column of said roster.

And then man up and find something more productive to do with your time. Seriously, people. Remember…there’s no crying in hockey.

The official opening of the 2011 – 12 Colorado Avalanche season is exactly 88 days from today. As we all know, time is relative. To some, 88 days is nothing – like those trying to lose weight for a high school reunion, train for a triathlon, or build a people-sized quantum teleporter. (Beam me up, Scotty!)

To the rest of us, 88 days sounds like forever. And we need some entertainment to pass the days.

This “Countdown to October” series is a way to share the amusing pictures that I collect with you all, and hopefully make you laugh just a little bit as we pass the days until the hockey season is back up and running. If you have an image to share, please feel free to share it with me via Twitter or email.

Without further ado…on day 88, you could go play a round of golf! Just try not to leave divots quite this large. The groundskeepers don’t appreciate it.

Quick tip: if you choose to wait for hockey by playing golf, aim for the ball. (Photo by Katie Martinez)

To be totally fair, the day this photo was taken the guy pictured played a MUCH better round of golf than I did. Or than I ever have. Or likely ever will.

There has, of course, been some Avalanche news to share. They had pity on Kevin Porter and Ryan Wilson, signing each to one-year contracts and getting out of salary arbitration. The organization signed goalie Cedrick Desjardins and forward Evan Brophey to one-year contracts, both headed to Lake Erie unless they absolutely blow up camp. Four other LME players have agreed to terms, which means the Avs will have roughly the same pool of talent from which to pull when our starters inevitably get a little banged up.

Perhaps my favorite recent article about the Avalanche was the one on Puck Daddy detailing a chat between writer Dmitry Chesnokov and our new goalie, Semyon Varlamov. It is excellently done and gives great insight into Varlamov’s attitude and perspective on his new city and new team. I gotta say, I’m stoked about the attitude, and I can’t wait to see what he’s capable of if he can stay healthy and get more starts.

So, that’s the news 88 days out from the opening game between the Colorado Avalanche and visiting Detroit Red Wings on Saturday October 8. What are you up to today?

David Jones' signing a rare bright spot in the Avalanche offseason. (Photo by JessicaAvsFan)

So, while I’ve been hiding in my “little brother survived deployment and came home for a few days” hole, there has been some hockey news. Some of it has even impacted the Avalanche.

Most of it, in my opinion, is somewhat less than optimal.

Let me preface all of my following remarks with this: I am not a professional analyst. I wasn’t lucky enough to play hockey. I’ve never coached. All I’ve ever been is a fan blessed to learn the game from players at the height of their love affair with the sport.

With that said, WTH AVS?!?!?!?!

Semyon Varlamov acquired from Capitals for 1st round pick in 2012 draft and 2nd round pick in 2012 or 2013 draft.

Sigh. With Peter Budaj signed to Montreal and Brian Elliott not extended a qualifying offer, the Avs obviously need a goalie. Actually, they need two. But in spite of the need, calling Varlamov a bit of a gamble is a drastic understatement.

Not only was Varlamov’s performance a little sketchy (11 wins in 27 games with the Capitals, 2 wins in 3 games with the AHL affiliate Hershey Bears last season), but rumor had it that he was going to leave the fair shores of the US and return to the arms of Mother Russia for a career in the KHL. If the Avs are expecting him to step up and be the starting goalie next season, fans could be looking at another excruciating season.

I don’t often quote the Denver Posts’ Adrian Dater, but he has better sources than I do and I actually agree with him on the Varlamov trade. Read his perspective here.

The 23-year old still needs to be signed by Colorado. Gord Miller of TSN reported a rumor that the goalie has been signed, but as yet there is no official word from On High at the Pepsi Center.

Jan Hejda signed 4 – year, $13m contract ($3.25m/year).

This 33 year old defenseman comes from the Columbus Blue Jackets, where he spent four seasons, scored 67 points and was a +23. He is 6’3″ and 229 lbs, which puts him in the upper half of Avs defensemen size-wise. He is also 7 years older than Hunwick and O’Byrne, who are each 26. Hopefully he will bring some wisdom along with his gray hairs.

Ryan O’Byrne signed a 2 – year, $3.6m contract.

Again, not bad. He’s one of the bigger guys on a defense that needs more size almost as badly as it needs more swagger and ability to intimidate. Unfortunately O’Byrne wasn’t quite as imposing as his size would allow. The most memorable (and only) fight he was in last season was quickly overshadowed by Matt Duchene’s scrap with Vladimir Sobotka. I don’t have a problem with O’Byrne, but I would be a lot happier if he was more consistently intimidating.

Matt Hunwick signed a 1 – year, $1.55m contract.

I really, really dislike Hunwick. Every once in a while he has an outstanding game and pulls his weight…followed immediately by a stretch of 8 – 10 games where he makes bad defensive decisions and adds very little to the team. There were a few times last season that I would’ve paid him not to be on the ice.

David Jones signed a 1 – year, $2.5m contract.

I like David Jones. Especially when he can manage to not get himself injured. He has been an obvious asset to the Avalanche, putting up 27 goals in 77 games played. Many of them came in desperation situations. In my opinion, Jones’ signing was one of the wiser decisions by the Avs this offseason.

Which, of course, means he’s going to sustain a season-ending concussion in a meaningless preseason game or some such nonsense. And it will be all my fault. Sigh.

Hang onto your hats…

The Avs still have several holes to fill, including one open goalie spot. Maybe even for a solid, proven, starting tender. There are qualifying offers out to players who haven’t signed yet. Given all of this, I’m sure there will be more news as the day goes on.

I’m still cautiously optimistic. The Avs are clearly continuing to rebuild, though it seems some of the building blocks they have chosen are made of something less than foundation-worthy material. I remain hopeful that the decisions to come will be solid ones (even if fans don’t see the logic right away), and that the team manages to rise above its challenges and be more than the sum of its parts.

I hope everyone is crossing every appendage they’ve got. The Avs might need it.