Get to Know Your Cubs : Alfonso Soriano

MLB: APR 06 Cubs at Astros


Name: Alfonso Soriano
Date of Birth: 1/7/1976
Hometown: San Pedro de Macoris, DR
Position: Left Field
Marital Status: Married
Hotness Factor: 5.0

Alfonso,
Fonzie, Alfie, the Little Hopper.  With a guy like this where exactly
do you start?    His ginormous contract?   The little hop that amuses
and annoys?  That dazzling white smile?

Soriano skipped the traditional path of getting sbouted, drafted or
signed to a minor league deal and instead signed with the Hiroshima
Carp.  While his time in Japan is fairly well known Soriano actually
only played 9 games with the varsity team, and signing after a year
with the Yankees in 1998.  In 1999 he got his first hit, a game-winning
home run.  That alone could have been the Disney movie, but Soriano
wasn’t done yet.  The Yankees eventually traded him to Texas in one of
the biggest and most controversial deals, wherein the Yankees got Alex
Rodriguez and Soriano went off to play second base in Texas.  Strangely
neither player actually plays second anymore.

After a few years in Texas Soriano was traded again, to the Nationals
where he was unwillingly moved to outfield.  Robinson wrote Soriano
into the lineup, Soriano refused, there was a 2 day staredown ending
with the Nationals threatening to put him on the disqualified list,
meaning no money, and no credit for playing time aka, no free agency at
the end of the season.  Basically he was blackmailed into playing left,
but I guess I can’t really blame the Nationals. 

a few months and $136 million dollars later one Mr. Alfonso Soriano became a Chicago Cub.

With the Cubs Soriano has unfortunately settled into a pattern of
having a slow start.  Although the current .224 BA is making me long
for the .260 days.  The good news is he usually end the season with
good numbers so here’s hoping that the rest of the season is spent
making up for the first 2 months.  If the Cubs are looking for a third
baseman Soriano did play there as a kid, so I say try it out for a game
or two. 

And if that doesn’t work just start smiling at the plate Fonzie, that
smile will blind the pitcher and your on base percentage will skyrocket
with all those walks.

Alfonso Soriano
What did I say about that smile. Dazzling!


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0 thoughts on “Get to Know Your Cubs : Alfonso Soriano

  1. JulieDiCaro says:

    He DOES have a great smile. But I saw this National Geographic special once where they unwrapped a mummy, and I swear it looked JUST like Soriano. Something about the really thin nose, thin face and lots of teeth. Now, that’s all I can think about whenever I look at him.

  2. canopygrl says:

    5.0? Placing him on the same shelf as Koske? Not that either one is a drop dead hottie, but maybe a 5.5; just for the smile alone! J/K, great work as always. Keeping me entertained in between naps.

  3. canopygrl says:

    What is up with the italics?

  4. flyball says:

    oops, that was me
    yeah, he’s probably higher than Fukudome, now that I have my caffiene I’d probably change it to a 6.0 (I’m a much nicer person after my morning coffee)

  5. JulieDiCaro says:

    you guys are way more generous than i am. we’ve got rich, dlee, milty, hufflepuff, guzman and (i hate to admit this) theriot.
    the rest of them should all get 2s.

  6. JulieDiCaro says:

    OMG–I forgot about REEDZ!

  7. Carl Heartscubs Gierhan says:

    And Randy Wells, half the time.

  8. JulieDiCaro says:

    in dim lighting. in profile.

  9. Hooray! The Vegemite has arrived!

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