Well, it’s that time of the year when ESPN likes to pat themselves on the back and hand out meaningless awards! If you missed out on all the
back-patting fun, here’s what you missed:
- Rob Riggle should never be allowed to host anything ever again. In fact, it’s like ESPN was mocking us by picking the douchiest host they could think of. Mission accomplished.
- Apparently, ESPN thinks that Albert Pujols won the World Series for the Cardinals. I guess they forgot about that guy named David Freese…or Allen Craig…or Lance Berkman…or (Do I really need to go on?)
- We had 2 Tebow appearances in under 30 minutes. And in my scientific research, the final Tebow count (mentions and screed appearances) fell just under eleventy-billion. I may have rounded up.
- The number of “Brittney Griner is a dude” jokes on Twitter was appalling. Absolutely appalling.
- So did Hayden Panettiere seemed doped up to anyone else?
- To honor Title IX and women athletes, they bring out Hayden Panattiere and Connie Britton. There wasn’t a single female athlete out there who may have been impacted by Title IX out there available? Wasted opportunity, no?
- Rob Riggles starts out by complimenting Drew Brees and then immediately makes fun of him and Bounty-gate. Drew Brees does not find you funny. Yo, Rob, maybe you shouldn’t make fun of someone that may or may not have any connections to people involved in football bounties. I don’t see that ending well for you…
- I don’t know who the idiot is who decided that fans should vote for things via twitter hashtags, but screw you. YOU’RE RUINING EVERYTHING.
- I don’t care how good they are at sports, some athletes just shouldn’t speak publicly. Seriously, it’s embarrassing.
- The ESPY’s are really just the football awards, no?
- Zoey Deschanel acting like a girl who has no clue about anything related to sports. HILARIOUS. A pretty original bit. Also, this wasn’t on FOX. WHY WAS SHE THERE?!
- Dear Jockey, Please stop suggesting that Tim Tebow wear shirts. That’s the best part of him.
- So, Drew Brees’s suit… Shiny… (For some better fashion analysis, I suggest you check out OCCN.com.)
- Lindsey Vonn Tebowing. Did they not see South Park? Faith Hilling is where it’s at. Amateurs.
- Besides, I feel like I’ve seen this before. Oh wait….
- However, I must point out the good from last night: Did we see a Kardashian (besides Bruce Jenner)? If we did, I missed it. And that, my friends is GLORIOUS. Kanye, you can keep her…