John Farrell (Photo by: james_in_to courtesy of Flickr.com)

The Red Sox finally got their wish. John Farrell has been named as their next manager, joining the team for the 2013 season after the failed Valentine Experiment. Well, hopefully he has more than 69 wins in him for next year because I’m not sure I could handle another season like that.

Farrell, who still had one year left on his contract with the Blue Jays, has signed a multi-year deal with the Sox and the official announcement should come on Monday. The Red Sox had to give up short stop Mike Aviles to get the deal done but I think I can live with that…as long as Farrell doesn’t suck as badly as Valentine did.

The Sox interviewed four other candidates, but evidently that was all a ruse. Did anyone thing they weren’t going to hire John Farrell? You can almost see the drool running down the owners’ chins when someone just mentions his name. He has obviously been their first choice forever.

One part of me is happy they got someone hired before the post season was over… but the other part of me is scared. Let’s hope his lack of success with the Blue Jays was more a result of a not-so-great roster and less an indication of his managing skills. And after last year’s fiasco, I think we all have the right to be a little nervous.

Word on the street is Farrell is a hard ass who’s not going to take any shit from this group of players — many of whom he has coached in the past. But can he manage to get this dreadful pitching staff and the rest of this indignant group of babies back on track? That remains to be seen.

What are your thoughts on the newly appointed manager? Would he have been your first choice?

While the MLB Post Season is chugging along yet again without the presence of our beloved (although maybe not this year) Red Sox, they are busy with other important business. The Sox brass is currently in search of a new manager after they fired that lunatic, Bobby Valentine, after a miserable inaugural season at the helm.

If you ask me, they could hire Elmer Fudd and he would do a better job keeping this team on track. And he probably would garner more respect from the players than Valentine did… at least he has more motivation. You know, it does take a lot of concentration, strategy and tenacity to catch that wascally wabbit.

The Red Sox have a short but promising list of possible candidates for the recently vacated skipper position.

• Tim Wallach is the 55-year-old third base coach for the LA Dodgers. Wallach is a former third baseman who played for the LA Dodgers, Montreal Expos and California Angels from 1980 to 1996. He won three Gold Gloves, two Silver Slugger Awards and was a five-time All-Star. Tim has spent his post-playing years with the Dodgers as their hitting coach, Triple-A Albuquerque Isotopes manager, and his most recent position as third base coach.

• Tony Pena is the 55-year-old bench coach for the NY Yankees. Pena is a former catcher who spent 17 years in the majors with the Pittsburgh Pirates, St. Louis Cardinals, Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox and Houston Astros. This five-time All-Star and four-time Gold Glove winner also won Manager of the Year with the KC Royals. Pena also won a World Series in 2009 as a member of the Yankees coaching staff.

• DeMarlo Hale is the 51-year-old third base coach for the Baltimore Orioles, and former Red Sox third base coach under Terry Francona. Hale is a former minor league first baseman and outfielder who played part of four seasons for the Boston Red Sox and Oakland A’s between 1984 and 1988. He also spent nine seasons managing in the minor leagues before signing on with the Sox before the 2006 season.

• Brad Ausmus, the youngest of the candidates at 43, currently works as a special assistant in the San Diego Padres’ front office. The New England-born Ausmus spent his 18-year career with the San Diego Padres, Detroit Tigers, Houston Astros and LA Dodgers. This catcher was a three-time Gold Glove winner lead the league five times in fielding percentage.

• John Farrell is the 50-year-old manager of the Toronto Blue Jays and former starting pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, California Angels and Detroit Tigers between 1987 and 1996. While it’s not certain Farrell will leave the Blue Jays prior to the completion of his contract, it’s been rumored that the Sox front office is hot to trot for this guy and willing to give up the farm to get him. Not sure I agree since the former Red Sox pitching coach has yet to manage the Jays to a winning season. But the players supposedly like him and after the debacle this past season, that seems to be an important piece to the puzzle.

I haven’t decided yet on who I would hire for this position but I do know it would be whoever can best handle a group of grown men who act like first graders if they don’t get their way. I’m leaning toward Tony Pena…

Who do you like for the job?

The 2012 season, may it rest in peace, was by far the worst I can remember being a witness to in a very long time. I’m sort of really tired of talking about just how much it did suck so this will be my last post about the miserableness of the last six months. I hope. I vow to now look forward to 2013 and what kind of magical rabbits the Sox brass will pull out of the hat to make sure “last place” are words I never have to utter (or type, for that matter) next season.

So here’s my short recap, Clint-style:

The Good

• Not much.
• Big Papi’s resurgence pre-injury. He was by far the most consistent force on the team for the 90 games he participated in. Playing for a contract will do that for you.
• The Red Sox pulling a fast one on the LA Dodgers and unloading $250 million in payroll.
• Not having to worry about Theo being there to spend that extra $250 million all in one place.
• The introduction of Will Middlebrooks. Hi, Will!

The Bad

• Everything.
• Injuries, injuries, injuries. The Sox used a record 56 players over the season.
• Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse — having a September almost identical to the colossal collapse of September of 2011.
• Bobby Valentine’s mismanagement of every aspect of the team and the player’s lack of respect for him.
• The injury ending Will Middlebrooks’ promising season. Bye, Will!

The Ugly

• Finishing last place in the division with a 69-93.
• The players’ whiny bitch attitude over the decisions of their new manager.
• Struggling starting rotation with not one pitcher having more than 11 wins.
• Will Middlebrooks going down with an injury just six weeks after Kevin Youkilis is traded leaving the team floundering for a third baseman.
• Bobby Valentine being a total fruitcake… enough said.

And that, my friends, concludes my recap of the 2012 Boston Red Sox season — one which makes me long for short-term memory loss so I never have to think about it again.

You could almost hear it over the television… pfffft-pfffft-pffffffffffffft… as the Red Sox completed the home portion of the 2012 season with yet another loss. This time, 4-2 at the hands of the still battling Tampa Bay Rays. They ended up finishing with a ghastly record of 34-47 at Fenway, the worst since 1965, and surely not the best way to celebrate the park’s 100th birthday.

Jon Lester flirted with a no hitter, breezing through the first four innings. But, as has been the case all year, it was just not meant to be. He quickly lost the no-no and the lead with back-to-back homers in the fifth by Carlos Pena (a two-run shot) and Ben Francisco. I have to think that if this were any other season, giving up four runs wouldn’t be such a tough hill to climb for the Sox. They would battle back and take games like this with ease.

The line up that struggled to eek out just two runs on four hits last night is a line up very different from the line up that opened this 2012 season. Only three players from Opening Day were present — Dustin Pedroia, Cody Ross and Jarrod Saltalamacchia. And unfortunately, some of those big bats, whether they’re on the DL or have been shipped off to another team, have been significantly missed over the past few months.

I’m convinced this season is cursed. Maybe it’s the curse of Tito, who sits at home with his trifecta of voodoo dolls that eerily resemble John Henry, Tom Werner and Larry Lucchino. Or maybe it’s the curse of Bobby Valentine, who most likely actually is a voodoo doll controlled by some unknown devious force hell bent on ruining my beloved Sox. Whatever it is that made this team suck, I truly hope it is exorcised in the off-season. And by exorcised, I mean firing Bobby V.

In other news, some good news actually, Jason Varitek has been named Special Assistant to General Manager, Ben Cherington.

“Jason was one of the most respected players of his era and will be a key voice as we move forward,” general manager Ben Cherington said in a statement. “He will be involved in a number of areas, including Major League personnel decisions, evaluations, and mentorship and instruction of young players. We are fortunate to have him in this role.”

This is the first step in putting the heart back in this team… when Varitek retired, I’m convinced he took the team spirit with him. I have every confidence this move will greatly benefit the front office and give them a better understanding of the inner workings of the club house. Could they possibly be grooming Tek to be skipper some day? I sure hope so.

Old friend Pedro has been at Fenway a lot this summer! (Photo by andrewmalone c/o Flickr.com)

Once again, the most exciting part of a Red Sox game was the pre game ceremonies. Before last night’s 5-2 loss to the Tampa Bay Rays, the Sox honored the 2004 World Series Championship team. And once again this season, I’m reduced to tears (and not just because of how badly this team sucks.)

I loved that 2004 team and to see them pull into the stadium on duck boats — the way they celebrated finally conquering the 86-year championship drought — made me remember exactly why I love them. Pedro Martinez, Kevin Millar, Keith Foulke, (ball thief) Doug Mientkiewicz, Mike Timlin, and our recently departed favorites, Jason Varitek and Jason Varitek, the lone representative still here, David Ortiz… all taking turns hoisting that trophy.

To top off the celebration, Keith Foulke threw out the first pitch to former battery-mate, Jason Varitek, who then attempted to relive that 2004 magic by leaping into Foulke’s arms. Although (and probably for the best) without so much gusto as he did back on that late October night in St. Louis. This celebration would’ve been so much more exceptional if the current Red Sox team was in contention. But alas… they will finish their 100th season in Fenway Park pitifully.

In case you missed it, Rays’ pitcher, David Price, pitched a complete game as he continues to battle to get his name on the Cy Young ballot. After the Rays went up 3-0 in the second inning on a Jeff Keppinger three-run homerun, I just knew there was no way the struggling Sox offense would be able to overcome the overpowering Price, who ended the night with 13 strike outs. I was right.

Click here for the box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.

The Sox and Rays finish off this quick two-game series tonight and thankfully say good-bye to not-so-friendly Fenway Park until 2013. Jon Lester will take the mound, hoping to get this team a win and at least leave Fenway on a somewhat positive note.

These days when the Red Sox can avoid a sweep, that’s considered good news. That’s what we’ve been reduced to as this forgetful season winds down with not so much as even a fizzle. I’m not sure which is worse… last September when they crushed our dreams by completely screwing the pooch and missing the playoffs, or this crappy season where they never even had a fighting chance. The jury’s still out…

So yesterday the Red Sox beat the Orioles 2-1 behind a brilliant pitching performance by Felix Doubront. He went seven innings giving up just one run on four hits while striking out 11 — a career high. But guess what? He didn’t get the win. Thanks to another less than stellar performance by the offense that was 1-for-13 with runners in scoring position. Oh the horror!

Par for the course this season, eh?

This is what I’ve been reduced to… shitting on them even when they do win. Oh well… nine more days. Just nine more sufferable days left and then I can start looking towards the future. A future that hopefully doesn’t suck as much as the past six months did. Care to view the box score? Click here, courtesy of the Red Sox.

The Sox are off tonight but entertain the Tampa Bay Rays in their final homestand of 2012 for a quick two-game series Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Clay Buchholz and David Price face off once again in game one, and Jon Lester takes the hill against Alex Cobb in Wednesday’s game.

I’m not going to lie… I’ve been rooting for the Orioles the past two games. I don’t remember ever doing that but since I have nothing to live root for this season, I’ll try and give the O’s a boost. The Red Sox nearly foiled the O’s extra-inning win streak yesterday, but I just knew if a team was going to end that streak this year, it most certainly was NOT going to be this Sox team.

The game on Friday night was a trip on the train to Dullsville. Jon Lester pitched just so-so, allowing four earned runs on eight hits over seven innings. Not horrible. Not fantastic. Just… meh. The offense was a bit sluggish scoring just two runs on eight hits and only scoring two of the seven runners who made it into scoring position. In the end, the O’s beat the Sox 4-2 in a brisk (for the Red Sox) three hour game. The yawn-inducing box score can be found here, courtesy of the Sox.

Saturday’s game offered a bit more excitement which I was glad for since I had some family making the trek down to Fenway. The Sox and O’s seesawed back and forth in this one, each team answering the other’s scoring until the sixth inning. I’ll take the blame for the go ahead runs in the sixth — I happened to text my cousin (who was there) and may have made mention that at least the Red Sox weren’t losing. And then boom… the O’s go ahead by three. Ooops.

But then, in the bottom of the seventh, the Sox mounted a comeback. Scott Podsednik doubled, Pedro Ciriaco followed with a walk and Dustin Pedroia singled to load the bases with no outs. Cody Ross and Ryan Lavarnway both grounded out but each drove in a run to bring the Sox within one. Not the most exciting way to get the runs home but it works.

In the bottom of the eighth, the Sox tied up the game on back-to-back two-out doubles by Daniel Nava and Scott Podsednik. And the bullpen even looked to be in the mood to pitch too — Craig Breslow, Junichi Tazawa, Andrew Bailey and Mark Melancon pitched scoreless eighth, ninth, tenth and eleventh innings.

And then there was Alfredo Aceves. I wonder what happened to Alfredo sauce. He pitched pretty well early in the season. I mean he does have 25 saves this season. But something changed. Maybe it was triggered by his run-in with Bobby Valentine in August that has turned his arm to crap. Whatever it was, he now sucks and like Dice K, he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near that pitcher’s mound. I’m sure when the O’s saw Aceves take the mound, the all nodded their heads because they knew that extra-inning win streak was not in danger.

When all was said and done, Aceves gave up three runs on three hits in the top of the 12th inning giving the O’s a 9-6 win and keeping the streak in tact. There’s four hours and fourteen minutes I’ll never get back. Click here for the box score, courtesy of the Sox.

The Sox and O’s finish up the series today — this season can’t be over soon enough. Really. Felix Doubront takes the hill against Chris Tillman. With a win today, the Sox will officially have a better September record than they did in 2011. Sad, I know.

The Red Sox lost 7-4 in spectacular, walk-off fashion last night to the Tampa Bay Rays. And by spectacular, I mean the bullpen blew a three-run lead in the ninth and wasted another fantastic outing by Clay Buchholz. Buchholz, still in search of his first win in over a month, was the victim of yet another no decision even though he pitched seven innings of four-hit, shut out ball.

That ninth inning will kill you. Click on the box for the gory details.

The bullpen blunder also wasted a kick-ass night by greenhorn, Jose Iglesias. Iglesias has recently been morning talk show fodder due to his lack of production since he was called up from Pawtucket earlier this month. The 22-year-old is an exceptional infielder but has been ridiculed for his inability to hit major league pitching.

Well… Jose must have been listening because last night, he attacked the ball at the plate like it slept with his girlfriend. He went 3-for-4, scoring two runs and bashing in the first major league home run of his career.

One of my favorite parts of baseball is when a rookie hits his first home run and the team ices him for several minutes after he gets back to the dugout, with not so much as a congratulatory ass slap. Iglesias put his helmet away and quietly sat down before he was mobbed and high-fived by his teammates. The new kid on the block seemed unfazed by his success as he talked to reporters after the game.

“It was just one, but I really enjoyed it,” he said on Friday. “I’ve just been feeling great the last few days. I feel more comfortable on the field, but also off the field.”

But the effort was all for naught when closer Andrew Bailey had a complete meltdown in the bottom of the ninth. Bailey gave up three runs, blowing the win for Buchholz and left the game still responsible for two base runners. Vicente Padilla relieved Bailey to try and get out of the inning with the tie in tact. Instead, he gave up a walk-off three-run home run to B.J. Upton.

*cue scary music*

The Red Sox begin a three game series with the surging Orioles tonight — which they are currently losing, by the way. If the Sox cared about me at all, they would throw this entire series and give those O’s a chance to catch those damn Yankees.

Ooooh… ouch.

I wrote a little poem about the Red Sox today.

Red Sox.
I think you
broke
Daniel Bard.
I hope
you’re happy.
The end.

I’m not going to lie, I didn’t watch more than a couple minutes of this game. I had more important and exciting things to do… like watch the season premiere of Survivor. Those suckers are much more interesting than the Sox are right now — and just as much of a train wreck.

Do you really want me to tell you how the Red Sox only had five hits last night? Or how those five hits came from just two batters? Oh that’s right, sports fans. Pedro Ciriaco went 2-for-4 and Jacoby Ellsbury went 3-for-3. The rest of the line up was a big, fat O-fer. Batters three through nine did nothing, nada, zilch, diddly-squat.

The pitching is another whole story. A very sad, very ugly story. First let’s start with the fact that Daisuke Matsuzaka should not be allowed to pitch ever again. Five runs on nine hits in three innings? Yeah…bad. And the bullpen was equally as woeful. The final line of the game was just plain embarrassing – 13 runs on 15 hits with 10 walks and five strike outs.

How many more games do I need to endure before the season (and my suffering) ends? Oh, that would be 12 games. My magic number is 12, people. This also means that the Red Sox will officially finish the 2012 Summer of Suck with a below .500 record. Awesome. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, boys.

Click here for the box score if you’re curious to know what torture might feel like.

Tonight, the wretchedness continues with a real doozy of a pitchers’ duel. Clay Buchholz (11-6, 4.33) toes the mound against Cy Young hopeful David Price (18-5, 2.54) as the Sox battle once again to finish the season NOT in last place.

Sure, now you get hot! (c/o Keith Allson, via flickr)

Normally a Red Sox win would send me straight to the computer to happily regale you with all the awesome stuff that happened in the game. But when your team is 14 games under .500 and has been officially eliminated from post-season play, it gets tough to want to write about anything — even a win.

Something needs to happen soon to shake this team up or people are going to start using my blog posts as a cure for their insomnia. I nod off sometimes just writing this crap. I’ve been waiting on the edge of my seat for the hammer to finally drop on Bobby Valentine, but it looks like I’ll have to wait until October for that nugget of happiness to come my way.

So in the meantime, I’ll have to continue to tell you about a win (they beat the Rays 5-2, by the way) that means nothing except that it gets them closer to getting out of the basement. I just don’t think I can live through the off season if this team finishes in last place!

Jacoby Ellsbury appears to be peaking at the wrong time. What happened a couple months ago when… oh, I don’t know… that production would’ve been a big help when the wildcard was still in reach? But then again, that question pertains to quite a few members of this team. They never could get in sync.

Oh well, maybe next year. Or the year after.

If you’re still following this train wreck, click here for the box score. I promise I’ll try to be more upbeat about the next win. If there is one. I sort of feel like Eyore right now.