I mean…

Granted, the Red Sox didn’t exactly put their best lineup on the field yesterday.  Dustin Pedroia sat out with what was later reported to be a fractured finger (he won’t go on the DL, since there’s only two games left), and Jacoby Ellsbury also didn’t make an appearance.  I’m not making excuses for the Red Sox, but let’s be honest: when Ryan Lavarnway (currently batting somewhere in the .160s) is your fifth hitter, and three-hitter Cody Ross is the biggest threat in your batting order, you’ve gone off the reservation somehow.

Regardless of whether the Sox were either flopping around in the bottom of the fishing boat, or just giving their exciting up-and-comers a chance to play, last night’s game against the Yankees was the most one-sided rivalry game I’ve seen in a long time.  Clay Buchholz imploded in the second inning, giving up eight runs in a nine-run frame that decided the game early and sent a disinterested fan base packing for yet another depressing night.

Robinson Cano started the second-inning barrage off for New York, launching a solo home run to center field.  Buchholz got Mark Teixeria to strike out, but the unflappable Nick Swisher glanced a double off of center field with one out.  Curtis Granderson scored Swisher by hitting a home run of his own, and then Russell Martin promptly hit another home run, making the score 4-0.

Undaunted, Buchholz announced himself with authority by walking Eric Chavez and Derek Jeter, and loaded the bases via an Ichiro Suzuki single.  Alex Rodriguez sacrificed Chavez home for the second out, before Cano used his second at-bat of the inning to double home Jeter and Suzuki.

With the score 7-0 with two outs, Bobby Valentine had finally seen enough.  Alfredo Aceves replaced Buchholz.  Aceves faced Teixeira first, and Teixeira (of course) hit the Yankees’ fourth home run of the inning, scoring Cano and leaving the score at 9-0.  Swisher followed up with another double, but Aceves finally got Granderson to ground out to first to end the inning.

The Sox didn’t really get any kind of offensive rally going.  They scored a couple of baserunners here and there, care a well-executed Jarrod Saltalamacchia sac fly and a Daniel Nava home run; but there was really nothing happening at all at the plate.

With the win, coupled with Baltimore’s loss to Tampa, the Yankees took sole possession of first place with two games to play.  The Red Sox’ best-case scenario now is to play spoiler for either the Yankees or the Orioles, as both teams continue to battle for the division title.  That’s literally about all that Red Sox fans can look forward to – an exciting game 162 that means nothing for the Sox, but could potentially affect another team’s postseason. Blah.

Here’ a link to last night’s box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.  Tonight’s game 161 pits Jon Lester (9-14, 4.94 ERA) against David Phelps (4-4, 3.34 ERA).  Phelps replaces the beleaguered Ivan Nova in a start that will probably decide Phelps’ prominence on the Yankees’ postseason roster.

“Red Sox, why you can’t win? You make me sad.”

This is not what the Red Sox needed tonight. They definitely did not need to come into New York and drop the first game of the series. And they definitely did not need to come into New York and give up five home runs. Nope… that, my friends, isn’t going to win you many games.

I’m not sure if the air was extra thin at Yankee stadium or what tonight but it seemed like balls were flying out the park like crazy. In addition to the five the Bronx Bombers hit out, the Red Sox launched one of their own. See? They’re underachievers. You can’t give up five home runs to your opponent, only hit one in return and expect to win. It’s simple math, people.

Franklin Morales gave up four of the five home runs. I think he might be allergic to pinstripes. This season, he has given up eight total homers to the Yankees. Thankfully they were all solo shots or someone’s ERA might have really skyrocketed. I’m not going to lie, this wasn’t Morales’s best outing.

Nick Swisher led the charge for the Yankees, responsible for two of those round-trippers. And Curtis Granderson and Russell Martin went back-to-back in the second.

The Red Sox had just one burst of offensive brilliance in the third inning when they scored all four of their runs, fueled by a three-run homer by birthday boy, Dustin Pedroia. At the time it gave them a 4-3 lead but we all know that holding a one-run lead for another six innings is pretty difficult against this Yankees line up — even with their recent barrage of injuries.

And once again, I am just completely confoooosed by anything Bobby Valentine says in post game interviews. I keep wondering if maybe I just don’t speak Bobby V and that he makes perfect sense to everyone else. I can’t even listen to him without my head almost exploding.

“Well, other than the home runs, he had pretty good stuff,” said manager Bobby Valentine. “They hit all of his different pitches. It wasn’t any one pitch. Jeter’s ball, I guess, cut a little inside for a pitch that he wanted — I think he wanted to have that go away. But otherwise, he wasn’t that bad. He just wasn’t good enough.”

Click here for the home run derby box score, courtesy of the Red Sox. The two teams meet again today at 4:05pm for a nationally televised game on Fox. Jon Lester, coming off a very strong 12-strikeout performance over the Indians, will face David Phelps. Lester has not had much luck against the Yankees this season — he’s 0-1 with an ERA of 6.97 in two starts.