Ooooh… ouch.

I wrote a little poem about the Red Sox today.

Red Sox.
I think you
broke
Daniel Bard.
I hope
you’re happy.
The end.

I’m not going to lie, I didn’t watch more than a couple minutes of this game. I had more important and exciting things to do… like watch the season premiere of Survivor. Those suckers are much more interesting than the Sox are right now — and just as much of a train wreck.

Do you really want me to tell you how the Red Sox only had five hits last night? Or how those five hits came from just two batters? Oh that’s right, sports fans. Pedro Ciriaco went 2-for-4 and Jacoby Ellsbury went 3-for-3. The rest of the line up was a big, fat O-fer. Batters three through nine did nothing, nada, zilch, diddly-squat.

The pitching is another whole story. A very sad, very ugly story. First let’s start with the fact that Daisuke Matsuzaka should not be allowed to pitch ever again. Five runs on nine hits in three innings? Yeah…bad. And the bullpen was equally as woeful. The final line of the game was just plain embarrassing – 13 runs on 15 hits with 10 walks and five strike outs.

How many more games do I need to endure before the season (and my suffering) ends? Oh, that would be 12 games. My magic number is 12, people. This also means that the Red Sox will officially finish the 2012 Summer of Suck with a below .500 record. Awesome. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, boys.

Click here for the box score if you’re curious to know what torture might feel like.

Tonight, the wretchedness continues with a real doozy of a pitchers’ duel. Clay Buchholz (11-6, 4.33) toes the mound against Cy Young hopeful David Price (18-5, 2.54) as the Sox battle once again to finish the season NOT in last place.

The entire team deserves the gutter ball. (Photo by: Marcus McCurdy c/o Flickr.com)

Here’s a sure sign the Red Sox are terrible: the Sox vs. Jays game is on opposite the Orioles vs. Yankees game (a game that actually means something), and despite your allegiance to the Boston nine, you’d rather watch the O’s beat the Yankees. (I’m sure Yankees fans are still fuming over that bad call to end the game.) At least you know these guys are playing with heart. Plus, two hours worth of rain delays sort of makes watching the Sox even more tormenting.

Although, I will say I almost would rather watch the rain delay footage on NESN than the actual game. Don and Jerry did an #AskJerry segment where you could submit questions on Twitter and they would answer them on air. I had submitted a question during Friday night’s rain delay and it was actually used last night!! Pretty pathetic when that’s the most exciting that happened during the game.

Here was my question:

I was hoping they would discuss something like the Boob Grab of 2011. But they were thinking of the present and actually talked about how they had been practicing how to pronounce the last name of the Blue Jays third baseman – Adeiny Hechavarria. Neither one of them could seem to get it right and just the inning before, Don had a meltdown trying to get it right. I swear, if it weren’t for Don and Jerry, I might never watch a game.

Honestly, I didn’t care what the answer was, I was just giddy that they actually picked my question. Hey… give me a break. I’ve got very little good stuff to hold onto this season. Very, very little.

In case you missed it, the Jays beat the Sox 9-2 last night. Daisuke Matsuzaka once again proved that the win a couple weeks ago was a total fluke and he just plain sucks. He lasted an eternal 1.1 innings and gave up five runs on five hits. What happened to the Dice-K that went 18-3 in 2008? Here’s one pitcher I’m not going to be sad to see go once this season is over…

The Red Sox line up was almost as crappy as the pitching, mustering just two measly runs. Can you at least make it look like your trying? No one deserves to be named here. Nothing exciting happened. Everyone stunk.

Click here if you care to see the crappy box score, courtesy of the Red Sox. The Sox have on more chance to beat the Jays this afternoon behind Clay Buchholz. Or they could just lay down and give up like they seem to do every day and fall even further down into the cellar all by their lonesome.

PS: I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass on watching this game today… because I am ready for some football and the Patriots!! Finally… a team that plays like a team and a coach that doesn’t take any shit.

It’s scary down there, boys.

Earlier today I did something really, really stupid. My husband bet me a dollar I wouldn’t eat a hot pepper he grew in the garden. I told him I wasn’t eating anything for just a buck… but maybe for twenty. He agreed and I ate a Super Chili. It may have been the stupidest move I’ve ever made. It was so painful, I thought my throat was going to close up and I was going to die right in my driveway. I drank a half gallon of milk trying to stop the pain. My entire face went numb. It was not fun.

Why am I talking about eating hot peppers in a post about the Red Sox? Well… as painful as it was to eat that pepper, it has been even more miserable watching the Red Sox play baseball this season. If that, in fact, is what they call what they’re playing.

The Sox opened a three-game series last night with the only team worse than them in the AL East — the Toronto Blue Jays. I figured this series might get the team back on track, beat up on someone lowlier than them. I was wrong.

Felix Doubront continued to have troubles and lasted only four innings last night and gave up five runs on six hits against a pretty weak hitting Jays line up. Might the Sox have put too much pressure on Felix this season? He looks just a tad tired to me…

Heading into the bottom of the fifth inning, the Jays had a 5-0 lead. The Sox started chipping away, scoring a run in the fifth, one in the seventh and one in the eighth to cut the lead to 5-3. It looked like the bats were starting to heat up and there was a slight possibility they could catch the Jays and avoid falling into a tie for last place.

And then Daniel Bard came in for the top of the ninth. (Yes, I may have groaned when I saw him.) With a man on second and two outs, Bard served up a high slider that Colby Rasmus jacked just over the right field wall for a two-run homer that put the Jays up 7-3.

The thing that just kills me about this turn of evens was that the Sox came back with a two run dinger of their own in the bottom of the ninth off the bat of birthday boy, Mauro Gomez. If only Bard had done his job… I might just possibly be writing about a rare win today. But that’s just how this season has gone — more painful than eating hot peppers.

These losing ways are obviously getting to the players too. Mike Aviles voiced his frustrations to reporters after the game.

“I’ll tell you what, it’s not fun,” said shortstop Mike Aviles. “I know it’s a tough game to play. In all honesty, we’re out there trying to win. We’re not trying to lose. It’s just unfortunate we can’t get anything going in the right direction. It’s just not fun.”

It’s not fun for me either, Mike. *sigh*

The Sox and Jays face off again tonight with Daisuke Matsuzaka taking the mound against Aaron Laffey. If the Sox lose this one, they’ll be all alone in the basement. I was really hoping to never have to type those words again this season. But… here we are.

Post season hopefuls!

This is just getting downright pathetic. The Red Sox fell to the A’s yesterday putting their losing streak at six games where they’ve been outscored 54-15. They have been swept in two straight series on the West Coast and still have one more three-game stint with the Mariners before they head back home at the end of the week. The AL West has not been very nice to the Sox this season… so far, they’re 7-20 against this division.

Their schedule doesn’t get any easier after the Mariners. The rest of the season will be played primarily against the AL East. Three of their four opponents – the Yankees, Orioles and Rays — are all vying for a spot in the playoffs. And I don’t expect any of them to fold in the final month of the season like the Sox did last September.

Is my disgust showing?

Daisuke Matsuzaka proved that his last successful start was a fluke as he returned to his regular form giving up six runs on seven hits in 3.2 innings. The offense was not much help and could muster just two runs on six hits — three of those hits were by Dustin Pedroia. The rest of the line up was just bad. Click here for the pitiful box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.

This afternoon, the Sox try to get back on track against the Seattle Mariners behind the arm of Clay Buchholz (11-4, 4.50). Who would have thought after the train wreck of a start Buchholz had to this season, that he would be considered the “ace” of this rotation.

Looking for something positive this season, Sox fans? Wave your foam finger for the Pawtucket Red Sox this fall. The PawSox are the lone source of post season excitement for Sox fans as the International League playoffs will start on Wednesday, September 5th. Go PawSox!!

I never would’ve believed it had I not seen it myself this afternoon. Daisuke Matsuzake, coming off his second stay on the DL this season, pitched an absolute gem this afternoon to beat the Royals 5-1 in the final game of their current homestand. Someone pinch me.

Dice K pitched seven complete innings — he gave up just one unearned run on five hits while striking out six. This is his first win since May 8th… of 2011. Maybe his plan is to put on a show for the remaining month plus of his time with the Red Sox — you know, so he can get a good contract from some other sucker.

Whatever. The Red Sox won. At this point, I don’t care how they get it done.

The offense continues to come through with the hits. They pounded out 54 total over the four-game series with the Royals. Scott Podsednik, Jacoby Ellsbury and Cody Ross all had two hits each today. Ellsbury hit his second home run of the season and Ross also had three RBIs.

Click here for the box score, courtesy of the Red Sox. The team hits the road tonight for a West Coast swing where they’ll play the Angels, Athletics and Mariners over the next nine days. No offense West Coast, but I really hate those 10pm games.

In other news, David Ortiz has been placed back on the 15-day DL after re-injuring his achilles in Friday night’s game. A few questions come to mind — will Ortiz play again this season or will they shut him down now that the post season is well out of reach? And have we seen Big Papi play in his final game as a member of the Red Sox? This makes me sad…

Also, you may have heard that Alfredo Aceves was suspended over the weekend by the Red Sox for “conduct detrimental to the team.” Turns out that the Sox have a rule about suspended players traveling with the team and now Aceves will be forced to take a later flight to meet the team out west because of this suspension. He better be careful… looks like Mr. Ben Cherington isn’t going to be taking any shit from anyone on this team and Alfredo could find himself on a plane to another market if he’s not careful!

Jon Lester just cannot catch a break these days.  Despite giving up only four hits and striking out a season-high nine through 6 2/3 innings against Oakland, Lester took the 3-2 loss for a Red Sox team that sputtered to another extra-inning loss.  Lester gave up a home run to ex-Sox Coco Crisp on the third pitch of the game, but that was it.

Jon Lester (Keith Allison, c/o flickr.com)

The Red Sox lost this game in the ninth inning, following a series of miscues by Ryan Kalish and Nick Punto that were exacerbated by Boston’s overall inability to score.  In the top of the ninth inning, the Sox led 2-1, and had runners on first (Mike Aviles) and second (Ryan Kalish) with no outs.  Punto tried to bunt the runners over so that a sac fly could score an insurance run, but he popped the bunt up instead.  The Oakland first baseman dove, caught the ball, and doubled Aviles off at first.

So, with Kalish on second, the Sox up by one, and two outs, Kalish tried to steal third.  It was a close play, but the umpire called him out, ending the scoring threat.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Sox closer Alfredo Aceves turned in a shaky performance.  With runners on first and second with one out, Oakland pinch hitter Brandon Moss took an 0-2 pitch up the middle.  Kalish, who was hurrying to beat the runner to the plate, bobbled the ball.  One run scored, tying the game, and the runner that was on first ended up on third with one out.

Of course, after that, Crisp – of all people! – stepped up to the plate and hit a sacrifice fly to Kalish to end the game.

So, yeah – this was a game where one player’s mistakes were highlighted, but as usual, it’s not like the Red Sox did a lot of hitting.  They’ve only scored 12 runs in their last six games.  With this lineup, that’s inexcusable.  It’s hard to blame that on Kalish.

Here’s a link to the depressing box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.

Oh, and also – Daisuke Matsuzaka is back on the DL following his last horrific start.  He claims he hurt his neck.  He is very… middling.  I think that’s the right word.  The Sox called up Mauro Gomez, a third baseman from AAA Pawtucket.  Gomez will chip in while Will Middlebrooks recovers from left hamstring soreness.

The Sox finish up their west coast swing today, when they take on Oakland again.  Aaron Cook (2-1, 4.32 ERA) – who pitched fantastically his last time out – will take on A.J. Griffin (0-0, 1.50 ERA) in what will be Griffin’s third career start.  Griffin hasn’t given up a run in eleven innings, and two-hit Texas over six innings his last time out.

I take back everything I said the other day about how this west coast swing was going to be a cinch. I TAKE IT BACK!! Ok, can we please just win already?

Last night was, in short, a pitching disaster. Daisuke Matsuzaka, still in search of that elusive first win of 2012, was… well… horrible. Granted, he did claim to have a (as Bobby Valentine called it) “a crick in his neck,” yet he took the mound anyway. Honestly, I think a high school pitcher could’ve done a better job.

Dice K left the game after 28 pitches. His line was not impressive. The Oakland A’s bashed out five runs on four hits, including home runs by former Red Sox players Josh Reddick (his 19th of the year!) and Brandon Moss. But… he was injured. So do I forgive him for his bad outing? Probably not. It’s back to the DL most likely for Dice K and a game of eeny, meeny, miny, mo to pick the next member of the starting rotation.

Maybe Clayton Mortensen? He came in to relieve Dick K and pitched five innings, giving up just one more run on two hits. He’s been relegated to relief work for the most part with the Red Sox, but did start when he played in Colorado. He can’t be any worse… or more painful to watch. Despite the loss, Mortensen told reporters he was happy with his performance.

“It’s always nice to be able to go out and pick our team up. When something like that happens, it’s huge to go out there and soak up some innings so our bullpen can be fresh for the rest of our series against these guys,” said Mortensen. “They play us tough, so we’re going to need all the pitching we can have. So it was nice, I was happy with it.”

I can’t even discuss the offense right now. It’s just… yeah. One run isn’t going to cut it if you want to win.

Will Middlebrooks didn’t play last night and will probably be making a trip to the DL with a hamstring issue. Now that’s what you call bad timing.

Click here for the uninspired box score, courtesy of the Red Sox. Jon Lester tries to right the ship tonight against Bartolo Colon who is just back from a short trip to the DL. David Ortiz will try, yet again, to hit #400.

On another note, it’s going to be an exciting upcoming week for Portland fans. Carl Crawford makes strides to get back to Boston and will be playing for the Sea Dogs tonight. Ryan Sweeney could find himself in Portland possibly on Thursday. And Jacoby Ellsbury, who hit a 2-run homer for Fort Meyers last night, should be with Dogs later this week. *runs off to buy tickets*

The Red Sox split their series with Seattle yesterday, staying 6 1/2 games behind the lead in the AL East, and picking up their first extra-inning win of the year.  The fireworks on this one came from Dustin Pedroia, who hit his first home run in 162 at-bats to draw the Sox even in the eighth, and from David Ortiz, who hit a sac fly in the tenth inning to win the game. Felix Doubront turned in another successful outing, despite throwing 103 pitches over 4 1/3 innings.  He allowed three hits and five walks while striking out four.

David Ortiz (Keith Allison, c/o flickr.com)

Here’s a link to the box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.

So, yesterday’s knock was good news for Pedroia, who has been struggling at the plate since injuring his thumb earlier this season.  Even better news for Ortiz, though, who was named an All Star following a fan vote.  Ortiz will represent the American League team as the starting designated hitter at the All-Star Game.  The weird part, though?  Ortiz is the only Boston player given an All-Star nod.  No position players, no pitchers – not even as reserve players.  Just Ortiz.  In fact, it looks like no other Boston player even came close in the fan voting.

Is this lack of fan support indicative of the fanbase’s frustration with this team?  Could fans just not bring themselves to vote for their hometown favorties this year?  Or are the Red Sox just not good enough to garner an overall selection from knowledgeable fans around the league?  I blame the former – sure, the Red Sox are streaking now, but maybe at least as the fan support and All-Star vote goes, it’s a day late and a dollar short.  Pardon me if I don’t feel bad for Josh Beckett and Adrian Gonzalez on this one.  Maybe next year, if they’re not awful from opening day through the end of June, they’ll be All-Stars again.

Papi has already said he’s not participating in the Home Run Derby, claiming that it tired him out when he last swung for the fences:

I got so tired, and I think it caught up with me later on during the season. I ran out of gas. It was the first time I feel like I was really tired. I guess age is catching up with Papi. I just need to save my energy for the second half now.

This is Ortiz’s eighth All-Star selection in ten years with the Red Sox.  He’s said he’s excited to represent the Red Sox, but that it will be strange to not have any teammates accompany him.

As of Sunday, Ortiz was hitting .305 and led the AL with 45 extra-base hits.  He’s second in the league in OPS, doubles and runs, third in total bases and slugging percentage, and fourth in on-base percentage.  He’s hit 21 home runs, and knocked in 53 RBIs.

The Sox head to Oakland tonight, where they’ll take on the Athletics in the next stop on their late-night, West Coast swing.  Daisuke Matsuzaka (0-2, 4.91 ERA) takes on Jarrod Parker (4-3, 2.57 ERA).

Am I the only one who is SO tired of talking about last place?

Daisuke Matsuzaka, in search of his first win of 2012, pitched a beauty last night giving up just one run in 5.2 innings and struck out five. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the W, but the team did. The bullpen posted yet another brilliant performance keeping the Jays scoreless for the remaining 3.1 innings with a combination of Scott Atchison, Andrew Miller, Vicente Padilla and Alfredo Aceves. Despite his strong outing, Dice K told reporters after the game the has more work to do.

“We ended up winning the game, so I’m really happy about that,” Matsuzaka said through a translator. “I do have to give credit to myself to holding them to one run in the first inning. Other than that, I need to go deeper into the game to be more satisfied with my pitching. … I’m not satisfied with the way I pitched today.”

Padilla struck out two batters in the eighth inning. Honestly, I’m surprised anyone even steps into the batter’s box against this guy. He scares me. And not just because he has a reputation for beaning guys. He just looks mean. Like if I get a hit, he’s going to pull a machete out of his sock and hack me to death on first base. I’ll just take the K, thankyouverymuch. *shivers* Glad he’s on my team.

Jays’ pitcher, Aaron Laffey, really shut down the Red Sox line up allowing them only three hits over six innings. Obviously, they were elated to see him not come back out for the seventh inning and promptly welcomed his three replacements that inning by putting up a three spot on the scoreboard. Jarrod Saltalamacchia got the scoring started with a two-out, solo home run. Pinch hitter Ryan Kalish then doubled, PH Daniel Nava was hit by a pitch and Mike Aviles walked to load the bases for Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia didn’t let me down, shooting a ground ball up the middle for a base hit scoring Kalish and Nava but Aviles was caught in a rundown for the final out.

After Padilla showed the Jays who was boss in the top of the eighth, the Sox decided to tack on a couple more. David Ortiz doubled, Cody Ross singled and Adrian Gonzalez smashed a wall-ball double to center to score Ortiz. Will Middlebrooks, who had a rough night at third, finished off the scoring with a sac fly to score Ross.

Aceves pitched a one-two-three ninth. Game over. Sox win. Bye-bye last place once again.

Clicky here for all the good stuff box score, courtesy of the Red Sox. They finish off their three-game set with the Jays this afternoon with Jon Lester (4-5, 4.48) taking on Ricky Romero (8-1, 4.34). This is an interesting match-up — they have nearly identical stats but their records are worlds apart.

Injury Update: Clay Buchholz has been diagnosed with esophagitis which is an inflammation of the esophagus. Ouch. However, Clay is suffering from an erosion of his esophagus which is what caused his internal bleeding. Double ouch. I’m wondering if the 15-day DL is going to be enough to come back from this. In other news, Jacoby “Fra-geeee-lay” Ellsbury is starting a rehab assignment in Fort Meyers this week as the DH. Really? REALLY? Whatever happen to the initial “oh, he’ll be out probably 4-6 weeks report”? Did they really mean 4-6 months? Tape a friggin’ asprin to your stupid sublexed shoulder and get your ass back to Boston. I’m going to start calling him JD Ellsbury.

Oh, Felix Doubront, why have you forsaken us?

The phenom from the back end of the Red Sox rotation gave up a career-high seven runs against the Toronto Blue Jays last night.  Doubront went six innings in the 9-6 loss, which was punctuated by a two-hour rain delay and a four-run first inning for Toronto.  With the loss, the Red Sox fell back into a tie with Toronto for fourth place – a.k.a., last place – in the AL East.

Fenway Park (Amanda Laws)

The runs piled up quickly for Doubront in the first inning – Brett Lawrie singled and Cody Rasmus hit a home run to right field to kick things off.  The Will Middlebrooks Era began with a fielding error from its namesake that let another Toronto runner on (a “Yyyyooouuuukkkk” cheer came up from the crowd – welcome to the spotlight, Will!) before a double, a single, and a muffed double play scored two more Toronto runs.

The Red Sox got two of those runs back in the bottom of the first: Dustin Pedroia got on and got himself to third base, and David Ortiz cleared the right-field fence to bring the deficit to two.  Toronto tacked on another run in the top of the second, before the Sox scored two more to stay within one in the bottom of the third inning (Middlebrooks flew out to right with runners on first and third, drawing more “Youk” cheers – jeez, how quickly the tide turns in Boston).

Boston tied the game up at five in the fourth inning, but that didn’t last – Toronto’s J.P. Arencibia, the ninth hitter in the order, hit a huge two-out two-run home run over the Monster and into the Sports Authority sign to give the Blue Jays a 7-5 lead.  Toronto extended that lead to 9-5, before the skies opened up and the rain, thunder and lightning took over for a good hour and a half (yours truly had to walk the dog during this time, which was a blast for both of us).

After the rain delay ended close to midnight, Ortiz hit a solo home run to bring the score to 9-6.  But that’s as close as the Sox would get to a late-night/early morning comeback.

So, that was kind of a disappointing game, with a disappointing box score, courtesy of the Red Sox.  Doubront had a night he’d probably like to forget, and Middlebrooks didn’t exactly start his big league starter career with the best output.  The Sox will try again tonight, when Daisuke Matsuzaka (0-2, 6.06 ERA) takes on Aaron Laffey (0-0, 3.00 ERA), who is making his first start of the season.