Cardinals Lose to Cubs, Now With More Sharks

Be honest, you probably wish there were sharks at Wrigley last night.

Be honest, you probably wish there were sharks at Wrigley last night.

So the Cardinals and Cubs opened up a four-game set at Wrigley Thursday night. Honestly, it didn’t go well for your birds. They kind of lost the game, ya know. The score was like 3-0.

Truth be told, I didn’t watch as much of the game as I would have liked. Mainly, I spent a good chunk of the game watching Sharknado, plus working on that wonderful Wrigley Field Shark Photoshop you see at the top.

Tara Reid is not really sure what happened to the Cardinals last night. (Via Twitter)

Tara Reid is not really sure what happened to the Cardinals last night. (Via Twitter)

But hey, you guys lost. Deal with it! It’s a four-game series and you still have the chance to take three.

St. Louis happened to catch Edwin Jackson on a good night. Jackson went seven innings, gave up three hits and struck out five. He definitely had it going well last night.

Someone who didn’t have a good night was Mike Matheny, who was ejected in the ninth. He should really be careful and not anger the umpires. You wouldn’t like the umpires when they’re angry.

The Cubs scored all three of their runs by the third inning. It was a good effort. It might not be Ian Ziering attacking a shark with a chainsaw, but you tried.

That said, if you really want to get the Cubs this time, maybe you should create tornadoes and load them with sharks. That seems like a perfectly sane thing to do. I don’t know how well it would work, but science is all about trial and error. You have to screw up a few times before it all goes right (and now I’m making stuff up as we go along).

Just think of what you could do with the power to create tornadoes and use sharks! You could easily take over the entire NL Central and not have to worry about the Pirates doing anything.

Joe Kelly will be the scheduled starter for the Cardinals this afternoon. The main with two first names seems like he’s ready to go. Your team really has a lot of players with two first names (okay mainly Kelly, Jon Jay, Lance Lynn and Allen Craig, BUT STILL.)

The opposing pitcher for the Cubs will be Carlos Villanueva.

Tara Reid Picture Source

In case you can’t tell, Oh No Romo is a Cubs fan. And a fan of sharks.

3 thoughts on “Cardinals Lose to Cubs, Now With More Sharks

  1. Maybe today the sharks will show up and attack Villanueva. And the umpires.

  2. Amy Winehouse says:

    Can that happen? Please? I don’t think it’s too much to ask for Sharknado this afternoon. Maybe a chainsaw, too, if it wouldn’t put you out?

    … you know, if that did happen, ESPN still would show highlights of Yasiel Puig striking out or grounding out, then more Aaron Hernandez, and then maybe, just maybe, they’d get to video of a tornado of sharks going to town on the Cubs and the umpires. In the third segment.

    Mitch Williams would say of the sharknado attack: “If you don’t pitch inside, this is what’s gonna happen.”

    And let’s go to Tara Reid for further comment:


    Thanks, Tara.

  3. Amy Winehouse says:

    Also, if the sharknado was up against this guy, it wouldn’t have stood a chance.

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