Yaaay, another post where I make up ludicrous stories!

So… that happened.

If you just returned to life/awakened from  coma/got back from an uninhabited Pacific Island, I’m probably not the best person to explain to you the utter ridiculousness that happened during the NL Wild Card game tonight, and I’m sure you can google another source, lickety-split. Suffice to say, it was ridiculous, and it has seriously affected my perspective on reality. IS this the real life? (Is this just fantasy?)

Before this, I had thought that the indignities that I could suffer as Reds fan were pretty much bottomed out. After all, last year. (Yeah, that’s it. Last year.) Even though Matt Cain’s a good as bet to you-know-what, I feel like the limit of ludicrosity of what could happen during the playoffs just got upped. The Reds, thankfully, are not playing in a one-game do-or-die situation, but perhaps more games will just mean more time for crazy shit to happen.

So, here’s my top seven things that I didn’t think could possibly happen to the Reds during the NLDS, but now I’m not so sure.

1. Drew Stubbs hits a a clutch RBI double, that will be successfully overturned on the pine tar rule.  (IT’S FUNNY CUZ DREW STUBBS CAN’T HIT WITH RUNNERS ON BASE)

2. Brandon Phillips attempts to cartwheel in the middle of turning a double play. He’ll make it, but the umpires will cite him for… uh… being too… something or other.

3. A Kraken.

4. Through a terrible, inexcusable umpiring gaffe, Joey Votto makes an out.

5. The Reds get no-hit… by Melky Cabrera

6. Skip Schumaker disguises himself as Mark Berry, and waves home Ryan Hanigan from 2nd base on a single to left field.

7. An umpire calls the infield fly rule on a ball that was 30 feet in the outfield grass, and late enough so that the ball had almost hit the ground, with one out and runners on first and third, reducing our win probability by 13% in a single call. This occurs in a decisive game, and the Reds will be at home, leading a few of the home fans to act out, further delaying the game and complicating the issue. By the time the game ends, everyone is pretty sure the protest will be rejected, but the status of both teams remains somewhat unresolved for an hour after the game ends.

…nah, that couldn’t happen.