So, earlier this week, I was perusing the Reds shameless-capitalism-osphere, and I found something that I thought was a bit silly.
I mean, it’s not that crazy. But you have to imagine that someone out there had this thought process.
I’d like to have a watch. Yeah, a silver fashion watch. A charm-bracelet-watch kind of thing, yeah that’d be really pretty. I’d really like it if it was heart shaped – and if it had rhinestones, that would just be perfect. OH RIGHT AND IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE CINCINNATI REDS THEMED.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging on this. People like sparkly stuff, and people like the Reds. If you want to combine those to things in the form of a watch, far be it from me to tell you that’s somehow wrong. I mean, I’m sure some of my sartorial decision-making processes would probably put this to shame. It just seemed a little of an odd thing to pop up in the Reds store.
On the other hand, if you pay $15 for this, I might just a teeeensy bit be judging you.
I mean, maybe there’s a market for Cincinnati-logo-ified striped, cheap hair extension clips amongst women and men who are smarter, thinner, richer, and better looking than me, but I’m just saying, you’ve really got to werk it.
So, I was thinking, SURELY, I can put the Reds logo on something FAR SILLIER than either of these two things, while giving me something to write about in an offseason that could be described as “dull.” Well, I do crochet. A lot. And I’ve always loved really kitchy doily-crochet projects. So I’ve decided to make a Cincinnati Reds doily. In case you want to make your OWN sports-team craft project, I’ve provided some tentative step-by-step instructions.
- Download a logo for your team.
- Use a free photo-to-pattern converter like this one. These create a little grid version of your picture, and work well for cross-stitch, filet crochet, color knitting, giant tile mosaic tributes, etc. etc. If you’re doing filet crochet, just turn the number of colors to “2″
- Download the file, and copy it into paint (or something fancier) to massage things a little bit. Here’s my final version.
So all that’s left to do is go by some red crochet thread. (I’m strongly hoping that in the spirit of Christmas, the craft store will have glittery red crochet thread). Crochet. And then put the frilliest possible border on it, and decide which Reds fan I know is the most deserving of this horrifying monstrosity. It’ll probably be you.