So I attended my first Texas Rangers Spring Training games with the wife as part of our prebaby honeymoon (or practice honeymoon). No, that’s not all we did, but it was a part of it. Anyway, some of my thoughts and observations while attending this wonderful event are listed below.

• Ron Washington wears skinny jeans…I was checking Ronnie out (that’s not weird) and I noticed his skinny baseball pants. And as my eyes traveled down his pants to his shoes (what?), I was really hoping to see some tight rolls and high tops. Now that’s what I call stylish.
• It’s beautiful weather in Surprise, Arizona and I understand why they play spring training ball here. It was so nice that I decided I needed some sun, so I took my shirt off, rolled up my jorts, and applied the baby oil. Embarrassed, my wife reminded me that our seats were in the shade.  Note To Self: Get lawn seats next time.
• There are birds everywhere and they chirp the entire game – it’s kind of annoying. If they held spring training games in Texas, maybe a little shooting could be done during the seventh inning stretch. I’d be game. Is that too much to ask?
• Yu Darvish has a very coarse mane of hair that settles beautifully into a mullet. And he’s a big big man child.
• My pregnant wife is an excellent partner to watch baseball with. She’s such a trooper. She went to grab some ice cream and she came back with a beer…for me, of course.  But what nerve; there’s no telling what the ladies were thinking when they served a pregnant lady a beer. I applaud her for that and appreciated the beer.
• The blue hairs are everywhere and I love it! When I retire, I’m going to every Rangers spring training game I can. I’ll sit there with my depends on so I never have to get up and miss any action.
• The food at the ballpark was terrible. For example, I ordered a braut (because that’s what I order at ball games), but this wasn’t your grandpa’s braut, this thing looked like your great, great grandpa’s braut. The actual color of it was gray. Gray! I tried to dress it up with red and yellow, but that didn’t help. It was terrible and I didn’t finish it. But I finished my beer. Hooray for beer! I also had nachos. Cold nachos. Not good. Am I complaining too much? Anyway, the beer was cold.
• Ian Kinsler is as cute in person as he is on TV, and he’s got a great sense of humor as these pictures show… 

• And if I were “that guy”, I would buy me an Ian Kinsler t-shirt jersey and wear it to every game, maybe even to work sometimes. I would also make sure it was at least a small so my belly would hang out just a little bit and possibly, expose my lower back tattoo.
• The Japanese are always inventive…for example, I give you the ladder. There are so many Yu Darvish followers and anytime he is running, walking, throwing, farting, or playing tag, the media lines up to see Yu doing what he do. In this particular photo, media members are trying to get a great shot over the green canvas. Other media members used the ladders to see over the “not-so-smart” media members that were standing on the ground. By the way, some of these people using the ladders should consider safety training. It’s not a seat, and it’s not something you want to stand on top of.
• Nelson Cruz packs heat with that gun in right field.
• The restrooms are a lot cleaner here than they are at a construction site…and that means a lot to a guy like me.
• Josh Hamilton seemed down to me. I got his autograph after he took batting practice at the cages near the main field. He had his head down the entire time and seemed out of it. Maybe Jose Canseco can give him a hug. My wife wanted to ask him if he would like to join us at a nearby Sherlocks for dinner or drinks.
• Nolan Ryan wears pleats and I’m not really sure what look Jon Daniels is going for…
• I felt a calm come over me as I took a picture of Mike Maddux. I was also pretending he was squeezing my shoulder telling me everything would be okay.
• Elvis Andrus always seems to be having fun. And he’s fast. And I wish I could be his friend.
• Derek Holland’s mullet is money! It’s almost like it’s permed in the back. That the way the mullet do.
• The next time I take an extreme adventure to Rangers spring training, I won’t unknowingly park in the Kansas City Royals lot and have to hike fourteen miles to the Rangers practice fields.