Picture this…me holding up an invite to someone’s engagement party in one hand and holding two tickets to a baseball game in the other. Which do you pick? Sure, your head is saying, “these are your dear friends! You should be there to help them celebrate!” whilst your heart is saying, “But this is baseball. This is the thing you like doing.”
At that moment my brain starts spinning and trying to think of excuses that would be good enough to use for skipping an engagement party. Do I lie and say that my grandma is having medical manicure and I need to be there? Do I pretend I am *cough* sick? Do I say that my car broke down on the freeway heading there and so I am standing on Interstate 35W in my semi-formal wear with my thumb sticking out trying to hitch-hike to the party? Or do I do the unthinkable and just be honest?
In order to make my life easier I have compiled the list below of common and universal excuses as to why I can’t attend an event due to baseball.
- It’s my last game that I have tickets for against Detroit that happens to fall on a Tuesday on the second week of the month.
- When you get close to a huge milestone like 600 homeruns then I’ll skip a baseball game to hang with you. And no, completing your punch card at Old Chicago’s Beer Tour doesn’t count.
- I mean, I assume that your marriage will last a couple days after your wedding and I’ll give you your present then.
- It’s the only night where wearing a shower cap and holding a broom to the stadium is appropriate.
- Dollar Dog Night.
- You never dress in old-time-y baseball clothes and go to games with me. Why should I skip a game to dress up in Yonder-Years gear and go to the Renaissance with you?
- My team is only three games back in our division and we’re going into a really great roadtrip series. That means we could potentially make the playoffs if two other teams lose all their games. So, that’s why I can’t commit to coming to your dinner party next month.
- Baseball doesn’t judge like my family does for me not being married or having kids. Which would you pick?
- When you start bringing me beer and crackerjacks then we can re-prioritize where you stand in my appointment book.
- I just don’t wanna.