Oh hello! It’s finally (or only, depending on how your week is going) Wednesday. Let’s blitz!

That’s Michelle Obama Kaepernicking, with Colin Kaepernick. AMERICA!

Speaking of American Idols, it was announced yesterday that Carrie Underwood will replace Faith Hill as NBC’s Sunday Night Football singer.

The biggest part of this news, according to NFL.com, is that Underwood’s first regular-season appearance on the show comes before a Dallas Cowboys game, home of her ex, Tony Romo. We Americans love our drama.

And what’s more dramatic than ex-NFL players being arrested, and then arrested some more?

3. That’s how many times ex-New York Jet Cliff Harris has been arrested in the last 9 days: a marijuana charge, a fight with his girlfriend in the Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot, and finally, arriving late in court because he was stopped for a speeding ticket. It’s safe to call this a downward spiral.

2. That’s how many times ex-Detroit Lion Titus Young was arrested in the last 15 hours: a DUI charge and then a burglary charge when Young tried to steal back his impounded car. Was he still drunk?

1. That’s the number of misconducts ex-San Francisco 49er Jose Cortez had, causing him to lose his job with the Oregon State Police. Cortez is accused of fondly a woman while she was pulled over on suspicion of a DUI.

Well, that’s depressing. Here, have a picture of Tom Brady holding a goat:

Thank you, random guy on a Patriots chat board, for pointing out that Tom Brady might be afraid of GOATS, not GHOSTS, as Steelers safety Ryan Clark claims. You saved me five minutes on Paint, drawing a really terrible-looking ghost next to Tom Brady. What’s that, you want me to draw this anyway? Okay:

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides.  She would like to see a goat Kaepernicking, but her Paint skills are obviously not up to the task. You can follow her on Twitter @ebritter2.

On Monday, outspoken Vikings punter Chris Kluwe parted ways with the Minnesota Vikings as the team announced his release. It seemed like a move that was coming after the team selected UCLA punter Jeff Locke in the fifth-round of the NFL Draft.

“So long, Minnesota, and thanks for all the fish!” Kluwe wrote on Twitter. “Thank you to all the fans, my teammates, and the Wilf family for the past 8.5 years. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.”

Kluwe ends his Vikings career as the leader in career punting average (44.4 yards per kick). He also had a franchise-best 198 punts downed inside the 20-yard line.

“Chris has meant a great deal to the Vikings both on and off the field in his eight seasons here,” said Vikings General Manager Rick Spielman. “He contributed to many victories and we wish Chris and his family the best and thank him for his contributions to the Vikings organization. Out of respect to Chris, we decided to release him now and allow time for him to sign with another team.”

Kluwe most became known for his outspoken ways, especially in the past year for being an advocate for gay rights. Special teams coach Mike Preifer made it known last season that Kluwe’s outspoken ways was “getting old,” although it’s unclear if it played any role in the release.

On the field, Kluwe, 31, registered a career best 39.7 net average last season, but only ranked 17th in the league.

Jags petition for Tebow
For some reason, Jaguar fans believe President Obama and the White House care about where Tim Tebow signs.

A petition on  Whitehouse.gov asked Obama to “Call NFL Jacksonville Jaguars GM David Caldwell and tell him to stop ignoring the Jaguars fans and sign Tim Tebow! If the Jaguars sign & START Tebow, home games will be sold out, sales will spike, the team will win and the fans will be happy.”

However, WhiteHouse.gov took down the petition on Monday morning because it violated the site’s term of participation, which, I believe, also means, WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.

Other News

• New Texans safety Ed Reed, who had surgery to repair a small labral tear in his hip, should be ready to go for training camp, according to owner Bob McNair (via Houston Chronicle).
• Geno Smith addresses the criticism he has received recently by saying “I don’t worry about what people say — my skin is pretty thick.”
• Tim Tebow was named the most influential athlete in America by Forbes.
• Aaron Rodgers will make a cameo on The Office, where he’ll play a judge in an a capella signing contest.
• Tom Brady reportedly won $25,000 at the Kentucky Derby after betting on Orb to win.

Sun Life Stadium in Miami, Florida

Time to sit back, insert that IV of your favorite caffeinated beverage and check out some NFL headlines! Happy Monday Morning, my friend!

The Miami Dolphins quite possibly lost out on a big opportunity to host Super Bowl L. Want to know why? The Florida legislature opted not to approve a deal that would publicly fund improvements to aging Sun Life Stadium.

According to NFL.com:

Dolphins CEO Mike Dee said Sunday on Miami’s CBS affiliate that the team will not provide any upgrades to Sun Life Stadium without the help of public funding. The Dolphins have canceled all renovation plans and say stadium improvements cannot be made without public-private partnership.

Dee left the door open that the stadium issue could lead to the Dolphins’ eventual exit from southern Florida.

“The Dolphins are one of the only franchises in the NFL that don’t have a long-term lease with their community,” Dee said, according to The Palm Beach Post. “At some point, somebody’s going to buy the franchise from (Dolphins owner Stephen Ross), and clearly the stadium is the first thing they would need to address.” » Continue reading “Monday Morning Blitz: Miami Stadium Drama And More”

Tom Brady is having a work out party this off season, and you’re not invited.

On the guest list however,

» Continue reading “It’s Tom Brady’s Party and T.O. Will Come If He Wants To”

The NFL owners meetings wrapped up on Wednesday in Arizona. The biggest news to come were the multiple rule changes approved by the owners (see full story by Miranda, which is full of snark).

Raiders fans say, “thanks, thanks a lot NFL!”

• The “Tuck Rule” is no more — Raiders fans simply say, “Thanks, thanks a lot!”
• The “Jim Schwartz Rule” (they are still allowed to have the play reviewed even if they stupidly throw the flag, they will just be penalized) — and with that coaches have one less thing to worry about. So go ahead coaches, be stupid and THROW YOUR FLAGS whenever you want to!
• “Crown-of-helmet rule” which will draw a 15-yard penalty if a runner/receiver initiates forcible contact with the top/crown of their helmet. — Let’s just play without helmets so they won’t use their heads, maybe that will be safer? Or next up, FLAG FOOTBALL!?

The removal of the Tuck Rule had Charles Woodson singing “HALLELUJAH!” on NFL Network (not really, but he said Hallelujah).

On the other hand, the new crown of helmet rule didn’t make friends with players. Jerry Rice went as far as  questioning whether the NFL wants to “turn this into like a powder puff football.”

Breaking up is hard to do
No matter how great a player has been for a team, it always seems like their separation is bitter. Today was no different after the Bears announced they will being moving forward with Brian Urlacher.

The Bears reportedly gave him a one-year, $2 million offer, which he described as an “ultimatum.”

“It wasn’t really an offer,” Urlacher told Sirius XM hosts Jim Miller and Alex Marvez. “It was either sign or we don’t want you.”

And with that, Brian said “no thank you” and the two have since broken up despite Urlacher wishing to finish his career as a Chicago Bear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeQNghCNuyY

Other news

• Ed Reed and the Texans have agreed to a two-year contract, reports Jason La Canfora. According to reports, the Texans simply went beyond what the Ravens were offering Reed.
• The NFL announced that the Pro Bowl will return next season, although there will likely be changes to it. Goodell mentioned a potential draft, which he believes is “going to create greater interest.” (Personal note: If you ever have the opportunity, GO TO THE PRO BOWL. It is 100x better in person and you’re running into to players all over the streets.)

NFL Combine

The talk of the 2013 NFL Combine seems to be the weight gain of Tennessee quarterback Tyler Bray. Bray is said to have gained 24 pounds in the off season. It is reported that his weight gain is “evenly distributed” and he plans to participate in combine activities.

Ok, seriously, who really cares that Tyler Bray gained weight. Isn’t the combine supposed to be to show off all your skills?

You can read more on that and other combine happenings here.

Tim Tebow Cancels Church Talk

Tim Tebow was set to speak at the First Baptist Church of Dallas. This church is home to controversial pastor, Robert Jeffress.

Tebow posted this on his Twitter account:

“While I was looking forward to sharing a message of hope and Christ’s unconditional love with the faithful members of the historic First Baptist Church of Dallas in April, due to new information that has been brought to my attention, I have decided to cancel my upcoming appearance. I will continue to use the platform God has blessed me with to bring Faith, Hope and Love to all those needing a brighter day. Thank you for all of your love and support. God Bless!”

Seems like this cancelation is more of a PR move for Timmy since he was receiving backlash for it. You can read more about this story here. » Continue reading “Friday Morning Blitz: Combine, Tebow, Bad Lip Reading”

Dear Diary,

Joe Flacco here. I found you stacked between my copy of Peyton Manning’s biography and Quarterbacking for Dummies.

I got that last one as a joke…for a friend… But anyway, I’m really glad I found you, because I’m nervous for the Superbowl, but it’s not like I can tell any of my teammates about it. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I have led the Ravens to the playoffs for the last five years. But the way the media talks about it, I might as well not even be there! It’s all Kaepernick this, Kaepernick that.

Kaepernick is the WORST.

OMG diary. You just responded to me. What is this dark magic?! Wait, are you Alex Smith? Because I saw his diary entry online, and it was just so insightful. Oh wait, *insert some Superbowl trash talk here.*

Nice try. You should be getting this respect, not Kaepernick.

Yeah! I hate how they’re all “This is the Harbaugh Bowl” and “Ray Lewis is the best.” What about me?

Who does Kaepernick think he is with all those tattoos and muscles anyway? I’ve got something better.

What does Kaepernick have? The strongest arm in the NFL? Haha just kidding. That’s what Ron Jaworski said about me. (Yes! Finally thought of some good trash talk!)

No, you idiot. A hot wife. 

Well, I’ve got a hot wife too. If that were the key to getting respected by the fans and the media, we would have won long ago. So what’s Kaepernick’s secret? Is it the fact that he has his own Kaepernicking meme? I could have a meme if I wanted! Maybe I should be more flamboyant.

YES. That is a wonderful idea. You should do something crazy. Like slide tackle someone in the Superbowl. 

Smith, that doesn’t really sound like you. Are you trying to get me into trouble?

 Yeah, I never said this was Alex Smith.

What?! Who is this? Stop messing with my head!

Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides. She likes to tweet about football and Harry Potter. Follow her @ebritter2.

Looks like it will be a Harbaugh Bowl after all. The Baltimore Ravens are back at the Super Bowl for the first time since the 2000-01 season as they clinched the AFC title Sunday night in Foxboro, defeating the New England Patriots 28-13.

The Ravens forced three turnovers in the game as they were able to take the lead in the second half and never look back. Joe Flacco, who will likely get paid well for his efforts, completed two fourth quarter touchdown passes to Anquan Boldin, to clinch the win over New England.

Flacco finished the day completing 21-of-36 for 240 yards and three touchdowns. His other touchdown pass went to Dennis Pitta in the third quarter, giving Baltimore the 14-13 lead more than halfway through the quarter.

Flacco completed passes to seven different players, including Torrey Smith, who caught four passes for 69 yards, making him the leading receiver in the game.

It was a rough outing for Patriots quarterback Tom Brady as he was picked off twice in the game, despite passsing for 320 yards. Brady had a touchdown pass in the first half, which went to Wes Welker for one-yard. Welker caught eight passes for 117 yards.

Ray Rice had the one touchdown in the first half for Baltimore, doing so on a two-yard run. The Patriots however had a 13-7 lead at halftime.

Patriots running back Stevan Ridley was the leading rusher for the game as he carried the ball 18 times for 70 yards. Ridley was knocked out of the game though in the second half.

Both teams faced each other last season with New England coming out on top. Baltimore was able to get the last laugh this time around.

Baltimore will try to win its second ever Super Bowl. They won Super Bowl XXXV, defeating the New York Giants. This will be Ray Lewis’ second Super Bowl as a player.

When Lewis played in the Super Bowl XXXV, he had Trent Dilfer as his quarterback, Jamal Lewis as the running back, Shannon Sharpe as tight end and Brian Billick as the head coach.

This time around, Flacco is the quarterback and he was able to take over after the whole Kyle Boller experiment didn’t pan out.

The Super Bowl will be on CBS Feb. 3 in New Orleans. To read up on both teams, check out The Purple Nest for the Ravens and The Foxhole for the Patriots.

This weekend is one of the big ones on the NFL calendar!

It’s Championship Sunday and the games will decide who we see in Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans.

The first game on tap is the San Francisco 49ers at the Atlanta Falcons for the NFC Championship.

It’s the Niners rookie sensation quarterback Colin Kaepernick vs. Atlanta’s seasoned veteran QB Matt Ryan, who actually won his first playoff game ever last weekend when the Falcons defeated the Seattle Seahawks. While Ryan has a decent passing game and does know exactly who to pass off to to get some yardage up the middle, Kaepernick can do all that plus he isn’t the least bit afraid to run the ball for yardage or score a touchdown himself.

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The game will be on at 2 p.m. Central Time on Fox.

Next up, is the AFC Championship pitting the Baltimore Ravens and the New England Patriots.

Baltimore has played with quite the chip on their shoulder this postseason. Taking down the Indianapolis Colts in dramatic fashion and the Denver Broncos, almost as if they were the ones all the experts were predicting to win it all in New Orleans. Joe Flacco hasn’t played like Joe Flacco. He’s played like a real pro. And Ray Lewis. Well … it’s as if no one, especially his team mates, wants to see  his last game as the NFL’s most feared defender.

And the New England Patriots. Well. They are the Patriots. Led by cool, calm and collected Tom Brady and a fiery band of backs and receivers who will smash, bash and run over anyone to get the ball Tom passed to them to the endzone. It’s Tom Brady. He’s been in the league and in this position many times. Can he continue his ways and lead the Pats to another AFC Championship win?

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The AFC Championship kicks off at 5:30 p.m. Central on CBS.

I’m not sure any of these mascots would have made it to the championship round if it was up to me.

Luckily, there’s this thing called the NFL that doesn’t take mascots as seriously as I do.

But that’s not going to stop me from this MASCOT SHOW-DOWN, now is it?

On the NFC side, we’ve got the 49ers vs. Falcons. Is there ever a situation where this might happen? Maybe a falcon could accidentally mistake a gold-rusher for a large chipmunk? Or mistake the gold panning equipment for a particular shiny fish and then BAM, battle? Okay, it’s a stretch, which is making it rather hard to declare a potential winner. I’d like to think that a human could defeat a bird, but birds can be terrifying. Especially if that bird is a falcon at a Renaissance Fair.

It’s so terrifying! Just give the win to the Falcons!

On the (hopefully less nightmare-inducing) AFC side is Ravens vs. Patriots. Because this scenario is as likely as the last one. Maybe the Ravens are trying to mate with the feather stuck in Yankee Doodle Dandy’s cap?

I spoke too soon. It appears a young Tom Brady is being attacked by a large black bird, Alfred Hitchcock-style. Give the win to the Ravens before they come for you!

In conclusion,

I really want a bird vs. bird Superbowl.

Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides. She has lived with several ornithophobes which she finds cruelly hilarious. Follow her on Twitter @ebritter2.