For those of you who don’t know, Hard Knocks is an HBO and NFL Films reality TV series that follows an NFL team through training camp. It’s narrated with the same dramatic overtones of every show on Animal Planet, interspersed with dramatic music and awkward pep-talks. There’s nothing to not love.
This season, Hard Knocks features the Miami Dolphins.
What I’m expecting to see:
- At least one episode dedicated solely to the quarterback battle: rookie Ryan Tannehill vs. incumbent Matt Moore vs. pro-bowler David Garrard.
- At least one episode dedicated to the battle for the wide receiver position (there are a lot of options here).
- Miami (and the rest of the world) figuring out its offense with new head coach Joe Philbin.
- Training montages involving a lot of grunting.
- At least one image of a player grimacing while sinking into a tub of ice.
- Players displaying cute but questionable off-the-field talents (jam sessions and talent shows fit in this category).
What I want to see:
- A Miami Vice themed intro.
- Players slow-motion running on the beach. Also, slow motion hair flips.
- Ocho. Ocho. And more Ocho. A highlight from his 2009 appearance on Hard Knocks (episode three with the Bengals): “If I don’t prepare myself, then I can’t talk no trash.” I’m also hoping he’ll come up with a better catch phrase than “kiss the baby.” And finally, at least one close up of Ocho’s feet as he gets a pedicure. However, fresh antics would not be frowned upon (some wonder if Hard Knocks is the reason Ochocino wanted to go to Miami…)
- A least one bromance. I’m pulling for a T.O./Ocho reunion. Heart-warming!
- Close ups of players’ tattoos.
- Joe Philbin demanding that a rookie brings him cheese. (What? He spent nine years in Wisconsin.)
- Players talking more trash about each other more than 8th grade girls.
- Basically, this (all the time):
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides. Follow her on Twitter, @ebritter2.
