Cards beat the Astros, 5-1
So let’s just come out and say this outright. I write about hockey. I haven’t actually written about a game that didn’t contain a massive sheet of ice in…well, ever.
I learned that actually watching a game knowing that I would then be asked to recap, analyze, make fun of, what-have-you is a much different experience than just, you know, watching a game. Friends, this could get interesting.
Let’s get right down to it. First off, Mr Kyle Lohse pitched an absolutely badass game. Eight innings, six hits, one (earned) run. I was overjoyed to hear so frequently, “Sta-rya-ck!” Um, Mr Lohse? I’ll take it. I would be nothing but thrilled if you could go ahead and make me eat my prediction from earlier this year.
The Astros starter Chuck Bud Chuck Woodchuck Chuckbud Budchuck Bud Norris wasn’t exactly what I would call “in control,” as is evident by the final score. But what astounded me was just how SCARED people seemed to go up against him. Yeah, he’s been known to pretty well crush the Cardinals, but everyone has off days. Tonight, the bats beat the crap out of that off day. Yet another thing I’m very ok with. If today had been Tuesday, those ten hits would have gotten STL super cheap doughnuts.
Now for everybody else. I’m not sure what TLR’s shingles did to his eyes, but I’m not convinced he could actually read his lineup sheet tonight. Or maybe….does anyone else ever get the feeling that he makes the changes he does just to mess with us? Because I can honestly think of no other explanation for putting Mark Hamilton into left field for a whopping one inning after Holliday’s exit with “left quad discomfort,” (which I will go ahead and not loudly mock even though discomfort is such a pansyish word, and now I will remind myself that I am used to hockey where if necessary they pull out remaining teeth and get back on the ice and would laugh at you for not playing due to “discomfort,” even though I know MattyHo can be a boss what with the post-appendectomy performance, but hey whatever, it doesn’t matter as this is the end of my grammatically incorrect tangent) then removing him in favor of Tyler Greene, who was then hitting fourth and playing second while Allen Craig headed off to LF. My eyes are spinning just writing that sentence. Then LB getting pulled from the game for wrist discomfort after an admittedly awesome catch in RF moving T. Greene to the outfield and allowing little buddy Pete Kozma to appear in his first ML game at second. I mean, WHAT? Part of me wants to try to make a flow chart for just where every player went, but you know, that will take too much time, so IT’S IMAGINATION TIME PEOPLE. Unless you watched the game, in which case, you’re still probably as confused as I am.
Two special shoutouts go to a couple of our guys. One not so nice, one really nice. Not so nice was Theriot getting picked off at first in the first. Hey Theriot? You really aren’t that speedy, so maybe your lead off at 1B didn’t need to be so big. Knock that off, mkay pumpkin? On a more positive note, let’s talk really quickly about Jon Jay. How about that 2RBI single in the third? Or that speedy catch in the 8th? I was very pleased with him all night long. Looks to me like someone won’t be upset if Colby stays on the bench for a bit.
I’m always glad to see the Cardinals win, especially if it’s against a division rival. I’m glad to see them win against a pitcher whose name begs jokes that are more tiring than having to hear about the fact that the Molinas are brothers any time Benji is in town. And I’m especially glad that Daniel Descalso still looks like John Mabry and continues to make me happy with his defense.
And no, for those wondering, I have not joined the Lance Berkman Fan Club.
LET’S GO BLUES CARDS!!!
Ann Warner is the senior St Louis Blues reporter for You’re My Boys, Blues. Find her on Twitter @annabelle151, or email her at youremyboysblues [at] gmail [dot] com. She likes BACON more than is probably healthy and will probably be sarcastic in her responses to you.
I did not watch the game, so, yes, I am a little confused.
But I did see the highlight of the catch by LB and think it deserves a little more attention. Your bias is showing …
And I am SO disappointed that none of you have had to write poems this week! TLR, what’s the deal? I WANT BATISTA TO PITCH!!!!
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Chris, I was confused and I DID watch the game. Hamilton was there, then he wasn’t. Tyler Greene was at second then right? I don’t even know. It was crazy.
Yes, LB’s catch was great. But if you can be biased for him in every other post, I can call out Jay and Descalso instead. THE PEOPLE NEED OTHER BIASES! Think of the people.
Aaaand, I considered doing the whole thing in verse anyway (seriously, had part of it written in my head), but I’ll save that for another day.
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If Tony LaRussa was in charge of real life, he would remove the greeter at the Geneseo, Ill., Wal-Mart and put him in charge of defense decisions at the Pentagon, would have a guy who spent his whole life busting rivets into bridges sit down and teach quilting to seven year olds, and have the lead guitarist for Metallica play Vivaldia on piano for old folks at a rest home.
So, in the future, when you’re wondering just what the hell is going on, and why is a career shortstop playing outfield, and an oufielder playing second base and pitchers hitting eighth when they’re not pinch hitting for Matt Holliday, just say to yourself:
“Because LaRussa.”
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I have several responses…
A) I now want to call everyone I see “pumpkin.” In fact, I already called one girl pumpkin…it wasn’t well-received. Oh well. Maybe it will catch on.
B) BASEBALL PLAYERS SIT OUT FOR “DISCOMFORT”? They’re like the Air Force of athletes!
C) If I ask really, really nicely, would you write me a poem?
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A) It probably will.
B) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
C) Yes.
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As a career Navy guy, for comment noting that baseball players sitting out for discomfort makes them the “Air Force of athletes” has so much win crammed into it that your comment has burst, spilling out excess win all over the screen and dripping win all over the other comments, making them have more win than before.
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You can’t tell, but I’m bowing deeply.
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“Knock that off, mkay pumpkin”
… Yeah, that could catch on for Theriot!
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