Cubs fans have been subjected to a steady parade of horrors this season. Injuries, errors, slumps, terrible lineups. We’ve endured all that, and more. But we have to draw the line somewhere.
We may not be able to control the fact that John Grabow lurks in the bullpen shadows or that Mike Quade fails to pinch hit for Koyie Hill. But dammit, there is one thing we CAN control. As God as my witness, I will not sit here and passively accept Quade’s terrible  . .  nay, ABHOR ANT . . .  nicknames for this team any longer.
Below you will find the active roster with Quade’s confirmed (or suspected) pet name for them. No one leaves this room until they are all renamed.
- Chris Carpenter: Â Carp*
- Doug Davis: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Dougie*
- Ryan Dempster: Â Â Demp*
- Matt Garza: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Garz
- John Grabow: Â Â Â Â Grabe
- Rodrigo Lopez: Â Â Roddy
- Carlos Marmol: Â Â Marm*
- SeanMarshall: Â Â Â Â Marsh*
- James Russell: Â Â Â Russ
- Jeff Samardzija    Samardjz*
- Randy Wells: Â Â Â Â Â Wellsy*
- Carlos Zambrano  Z*
- Koyie Hill: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Hilly*
- Geo Soto: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Sote*
- Jeff Baker: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Bake*
- Starlin Castro      Cas*/Cazzie*
- Blake DeWitt       Blakesy
- D.J. LeMahieu     Lem
- Carlos Pena        Los*
- Aramis Ramirez   Rommy*
- Tony Campana    Campy*
- Kosuke Fukudome  Fuke*
- Reed Johnson      Reedsy
- Luis Montanez     Mont
- Alfonso Soriano    Sor*
(* crappy Quade  nickname confirmed)
(looks at watch). We’ve got a lot of crappy nicknames to deal with here, kids. Go.
Davis is confirmed as Dougy/Dougie. Quade said it himself after last nights game.
I actually just posted this earlier today
http://www.bleedcubbieblue.com/2011/6/23/2239588/quades-nicknames
Oh ha. Great minds.
We seriously need a Mike Quade nickname generator.
YESSSSSSSS! That would be awesome!
I’ve heard him call Geo Soto “Sote”.
And he has used “Sori” often when talking about Fonzi.
As for my suggestions…
Chris Carpenter: Fish
Doug Davis: Ralph
Ryan Dempster: Dump
Matt Garza: Garfield
John Grabow: Shitty
Rodrigo Lopez: Rolo
Carlos Marmol: Video Game
Sean Marshall: Bend
James Russell: Jimmy
Jeff Samardzija: Terrell Owens
Randy Wells: Austin
Carlos Zambrano Z
Koyie Hill: Crappy
Geo Soto: Pudge
Jeff Baker: Emeril
Starlin Castro: Twinkle
Blake DeWitt: Blake? Who calls their kid Blake?
D.J. LeMahieu: Oscar
Carlos Pena: PEEEYA.
Aramis Ramirez: Porcelain
Tony Campana: Gazoo
Kosuke Fukudome: K-Fuk
Reed Johnson: Reedz
Luis Montanez: 40 year old virgin
Alfonso Soriano: 3 more years
(I started running out of things at the end there.)
Someone suggested “Turd Ferguson” for DeWitt on Twitter last night. I laughed for about ten minutes.
I also think we should start calling Marmol “XBox.”
XBox…I like that. It’s a little more compact to mine, but has the same effect.
I don’t get it.
Don’t tease me with those red comments again
Chris Carpenter: Jesus (who was a carpenter, and Chris is short for Christopher which comes from Christ)
Doug Davis: That New Pitcher
Ryan Dempster: Forrest Demp; Dumpster (depending on how he pitches)
Matt Garza: Tampa Matt
John Grabow: Ol’ Triple-A
Rodrigo Lopez: El Rodrigo De Lopez
Carlos Marmol: The Most Interesting Closer In The World
Sean Marshall: Court Marshall
James Russell: Russell, James Russell
Jeff Samardzija: Wide-out (as in Wide Receiver)
Randy Wells: Random Wells
Carlos Zambrano The Zambino
Koyie Hill: Mount Koyie
Geo Soto: Boss Rocket (Pokemon reference here. The head of Team Rocket was known simply as “Giovanni”, which while spelled differently, I can’t think of anything better)
Jeff Baker: Bäcker (He’s from Germany, that’s German for Baker, and I got nothin’)
Starlin Castro Darlin’ Starlin (I can’t come up with anything less potentially derogatory)
Blake DeWitt DeWittless or DeWitty (again, depending on play)
D.J. LeMahieu DJ Cubby
Carlos Pena Pena Colada
Aramis Ramirez Aramis The Great
Tony Campana Tony The Tiger Campana
Kosuke Fukudome Kah-ski (since half the announcers call him that anyway)
Reed Johnson The Interchangable Outfielding Unit (if Randy Johnson could get away with it…)
Luis Montanez Luis Luis? (Blanking here)
Alfonso Soriano Albatross/The Fonz (The latter when he’s playing well)
Correction. After seeing LadyInRed’s post below, I want to introduce:
D.J. LeMahieu: Doctor LeMaWho
…then again maybe not.
Oh, and for Matt Garza:
The Great Garzoo
tee hee. *thumbs up*
Spellcheck could also be “Michael Jordan”…
Except Jordan was actually good, or at least improving rapidly. Terry Francona said he has “no doubt” Jordan would’ve made the big leagues if not for the baseball strike.
OMG Doc, I got to Grabow and laughed out loud….in my cubicle.
that was supposed to go under Doc’s post. WTF? I think I’m having a mid-afternoon brain meltdown…..
Sorry…I hope I didn’t get you into trouble. I’m not allowed to laugh at my job. If we aren’t miserable, our boss yells at us.
my boss is Sicillian and threatens to put severed horses heads in our beds. Is that considered a hostile work environment?
Only in Madison, Wisconsin. They, for some reason, frown upon that here.
Quade needs a nickname of his own.
Using his system of the first syllable or first letter of the last name give, we have “Q”.
Boring … but a tiny bit of creativity gives us
Cueball.
I don’t care what anyone else decides his nickname should be, I’m going to keep calling him Voldemort.
I’m saving Voldemort for the current Pope. (Or Palpatine, depending on whether I feel more in tune with the Force or with Magic)
I call him the Hairless Cat.
Mr. Bigglesworth!!!
or Quesey.
I feel confident that this is what he would call himself.
er…do you mean queasy? how about quaalude?
Quade’s nickname should be “Quit Now!”…
Part of the problem for Quade is that he has had to make up new nicknames every other day because the roster has changed so much this season.
but all he does is lop off a few syllables.
Hey…if he can’t figure out that he needs to pinch hit for Koyie Hill at a crucial part of a game, I’m going to have to assume that is takes him quite a while to figure out how to lop off syllables on “Soto”.
Many of the nicknames Cueball/Voldemort/Quesey has for his players are reminiscent of names I’ve heard for recent and current Blackhawks players:
Marian Hossa = Hoss
Patrick Sharp = Sharpy
Tomas Kopecky = Kopy
Duncan Keith = Duncs
Patrick Kane = Kaner
Dustin Byfuglien = Buff
David Bolland = Bolly
Brent Seabrook = Seabs
Jonathan Toews = Tazer
But Nobody makes fun of these names, because the Blackhawks win.
Best Blackhawks nickname, of course (even ending in “y”) …
Brian “Soupy” Campbell
We need more like that.
My all-time favorite nicknames on this site were E6 and Buttercup.
Honestly, Spellcheck and ToeThumbs were pretty high on my list too.
E6 was Cedeno, and Buttercup was ??
Prior
nice
I thought Edmonds was Buttercup?
E6 is a classic, hands down!!
Now that I think about it, OGDJM is probably my all time favorite.
OGDJM still puts a huge grin on my face even though it has little to no Cubs reference anymore. Pretty much sums up how I felt about him.
I’m bored. I’m also gonna do the ones who aren’t confirmed, since I’m not feeling that creative.
Matt Garza: Gonzo (yeah, yeah I know)
John Grabow: Bowtie
Rodrigo Lopez: Lope
Sean Marshall: Seanny Boy
James Russell: Jim
Jeff Baker: Jeffster
Blake DeWitt: Flakey
D.J. LeMahieu: Who?
Tony Campana: Camps
Reed Johnson: RJ
Luis Montanez: Lou (spelled improperly of course)
Alfonso Soriano: Big Al
Here are my nicknames-intended to instill some toughness into this team:
1. Nails
2. D-Man
3. Ray-Ray
4. G-man
5. El Bow
6. Temp
7. Marmaset
8. Sean No-nickname
9. R-Man
10. Notre-Dame
11.No nickname
12.Z-Lord
13.Koyie
14. GPS
15. Bakerman
16 Star!!
17. Blakey
18. no nickname
19. Lo
20. Rami
21. Camp!
22. Fukihomerun
23.Reedz!!!
24. Monty
25. Sorry
I posted my nicknames as a reply higher up; just leaving this message here so people will see them. I’m quite proud of a few. (Not so proud of most…)
oh, Marsh is confirmed
In all fairness, Los is a nickname Carlos Pena has had for several years now. Of course, it sounds much cooler when this beach bum says it: http://www.sportsherniablog.com/.a/6a00d83451b84f69e2014e866edcbf970d-550wi
It’s being reported by a couple of different sources on Twitter that Jim “Worst Cubs Manager in my lifetime” Riggleman has resigned as manager of the Nationals.
Updated the list as we got more confirmations.
Riggleman resigning is also confirmed.
The Nats (understandably) weren’t willing to pick up his 2012 option, so he walked. And the Nats were actually playing great baseball over the last 3 weeks.
that makes him kind of a dick. His team starts winning, so he starts pushing for his option. Should have waited until after the season. If he won, there’s no issue.
Far be for me to defend Riggleman, but he had a little bit of a justification for demanding this…the Nats were kinda dicking him around, from what I remember, when they gave him the contract last year before the 2010 season. I believe the front office has wanted to find someone better for a while now, but Riggleman gave them no justification (believe it or not) for getting rid of him.
I can confirm “Bake” for Baker, and “Cazzie” as a secondary one for Castro. I also heard him refer to Ivan DeJesus as “Zeus,” which is maybe kind of awesome, actually.
Zeus IS a pretty cool nickname…….
It’s too bad that DeJesus is more like the Daffy Duck of 3rd base coaches instead of Zeus.
but you know he only came across “Zeus” by accident.
Oh yeah, there’s no way that was intentional. It’s far too clever (albeit totally undeserved).
Kinda makes you appreciate Buddy Ryan, who used to refer to his players by number only until they had impressed him enough to warrant his bothering to learn their names.
I would probably do that if I were a coach. In 4 years of high school, 5 years of undergrad, and 3 years of grad school, combined, I learned the names of 5 other students, and can still recall two (both from high school.)
In fact, I had a couple college courses where, after being given the end-of-semester teacher evaluation sheets, I turned to another student and asked “What’s the teacher’s name again?”
My one pick, for LeMahieu: Huey
Agreed
the good news for today;
1. we can’t lose. (I actually won a bet some 30+ years ago during a particularly grueling losing streak. we weren’t playing and some clever fellow was too clever for his own good.)
2.I was going to mention the 1 run losses but saw the feely-good story on the cubs site and didn’t want people gagging on their keyboards.
3.cubs are still above .400(I’m clinging on to anything).
4.unbelievably, we’re still 1 game from single digits in the GB dept. after all the mess and mayhem, & we still have a 1/2 season to undo the done that’s been did.
I’m going to a great concert tonite and having several IPA’s(6.5%) and numb the cub part off my brain. julie(LYH)
Garz confirmed
Oswalt is blowing tonight.
Smoltz just called Theriot “Mr. Singles”
Ron “Matta World Peace” Artest. That is all