I don’t even know where to start today. It’s as if the Cubs have put together some kind of commission to evaluate all the ways they can piss me off and are now moving into Alienate Julie for 2013: Phase II (can we get a logo for this? I think we’re going to need it).
First, we have this:
MLB Network analyst Dan Plesac will interview for the vacant Chicago Cubs broadcast job in Chicago next week, according to an industry source.
Plesac, who did not return calls seeking comment, has been a mainstay at MLB Network since its inception and is in the middle off a long-term contract.
A former closer, Plesac spent 18 years in the major leagues, including two seasons with the Cubs in 1993-94. He still holds the Milwaukee Brewers’ all-time record for appearances by a pitcher with 365.
I think I’ve been fairly clear, over the years, of how underwhelmed I am by Plesac’s . . . . contribution . . to baseball analysis. It’s not that I hate him, it’s just that I expect a little more out of my analysts than “It’s really important for (insert pitcher) get ahead in the count” and “The Cubs need to be patient at the plate.” Hell, for a whole lot less than the Cubs would pay Plesac, I could sit up there and toss around the same platitudes. And at least I could make it interesting. Dan Plesac cannot make anything interesting. Trust me.
The Chicago Cubs don’t intend to solve their long-term pitching problems in one offseason, but they do have some financial flexibility to go out and sign two starters.
General manager Jed Hoyer said Thursday the team has spoken with representatives of several potential free agents, including Ryan Dempster, though it’s likely Dempster will be seeking a longer-term deal than the Cubs are willing to touch.
Hoyer confirmed “there’s been contact with him,” but declined to say how much interest there was in re-signing Dempster.
“It’s preliminary,” he said. “A lot of players will end up expressing interest. … Certainly he pitched well here for a long time and people in Chicago respect what he’s done here and they should. Obviously, there’s a mutual respect there.”
Again, I’m not even sure where to start with this one. How is Ryan Dempster NOT a good fit for the Cubs? Let me count the ways:
- He ticked off 90% of the fan base on his way out of town.
- Would rather stay in Chicago and rot on a (second-t0) last place team than play for a contender.
- Delusional about his market value.
- Terrible impression of Will Ferrell doing a Harry Caray impression
- Will want way too much money.
Need I continue? Because I could.
Look, I know the Cubs need pitchers, but if they have money to burn, I’d much rather give a long-term deal to someone young than bring back Dempster just to flip him at the trade deadline. Unless Jed & Theo are bringing him back for the sole purpose of revenge and want to trade him to someone shitty at the trade deadline. That, I fully support.
CHICAGO — Top prospect Javier Baez has a non-displaced fracture of the tip of his right thumb, but was expected to be ready to go in Spring Training, Cubs general manager Jed Hoyer said on Thursday.
Baez was playing in the Arizona Fall League when he was injured last Friday, apparently while giving someone a celebratory high-five. Infielder Logan Watkins, who played for Double-A Tennessee, was added to the Mesa Solar Sox roster to take Baez’s spot.
“It is unfortunate,” Hoyer said. “[Baez] had some really good moments in the fall league and also had some really good learning moments.”
And then I get this in my in-box this morning:
Whether this is your first Convention or your 28th, fans won’t want to miss the chance to check out the exciting new atmosphere at the Sheraton Chicago Hotel & Towers, as Starlin Castro, Anthony Rizzo, Brett Jackson and Jeff Samardzija are joined by more than 50 current, former and minor league Cubs the weekend of January 18-20, 2013 to help kick off the 2013 Cubs season!
You know what? No. I’m not reserving my hotel room. I’m not even promising to go. I’m still suffering the trauma of last season, so just back off and give me some space. Jerks.