This week on Cops: Chicago Cubs edition,we’ll update you on two notorious (okay, only one is notorious) cases that have appeared on previous episodes (or blog posts). Please note that this blog focuses on true stories of law enforcement and may not be suitable for all viewers.

First up, fan (girl) fave Mark Grace has managed to score himself four months in prison (IN ARIZONA, no less. Isn’t that the place where that tea party sheriff makes inmates wear pink jumpsuits? I think Mark would look good in pink, actually) for his second DUI. In fifteen months. Since he didn’t injure anyone or damage any property, he should be eligible for release in about two months, if the prison system in Arizona is anything like it is here. Then again, I suppose he could get one of those Lindsay Lohan deals where he spend 17 minutes on the inside and then goes home on house arrest or something. But my guess is not because, again, pink jumpsuits.

Mark Grace as I choose to remember him.

It also appears Mark will be allowed work-release (which means he’ll be released for work and then has to go back to the jail when work is over), and that he’ll have two years of probation to complete once he gets out. This might not sound like a big deal to you and me, but let me tell you, having probation hanging over your head is a bitch. Especially if you’re an addict. If he screws up again within those two years (and I mean for anything, even public intoxication or littering), the prosecutors can decide he’s violated his probation and send him back to jail for the whole two years. And believe me, there’s nothing prosecutors love to do more than violate people’s probation. (Again, Linday Lohan) I’ve had clients just take straight-up jail time instead of probation because they knew they’d just wind up back up the river. That’s pen talk for “jail.”

My point here is that while Mark’s drinking and smoking and womanizing was legendary and hilarious here in Chicago, it’s not so funny once he can’t stop driving around Arizona while tanked up. I’m surprised his lawyer wasn’t able to negotiate some kind of deal where Mark spends 6 months in one of those spa/rehab places they have in Arizona in lieu of jail. I probably could have gotten that deal for him. Mark! Call me!

Good luck and God speed to our ol’ first baseman. Don’t forget to kick someone’s ass on the first day.

In less-disturbing news, a woman in the Domincan Republic has filed a criminal complaint against Carlos Marmol for domestic abuse. There are a couple reasons I’m not all that bothered by this report, despite my long-standing soapbox about domestic violence. First, if there were injuries or photos of injuries, the police would certainly have charged Marmol by now. It’s hard to slap someone in the face and not leave a mark. And second, I just don’t believe Marmol is accurate enough to hit anything. (rim shot)

But seriously, domestic violence is no laughing matter and you guys know that I’m usually the first person to stand up and start screaming about athletes and violence against women. But . . I dunno. Something about this story just feels . .  fishy. Maybe I’ll change my mind as more details come out. Until then, Carlos Marmol will remain on my “semi-smash” list for crimes against baseball and possibly against other people.

Finally, the rooftop owners continue to dig themselves in deeper:

Owners of a Wrigley Field rooftop club were sued by their lender after their businesses defaulted on four loans totaling $7.35 million, according to a complaint filed Wednesday in Cook County Circuit Court.

R. Marc Hamid and Jeffrey Goby own Skybox on Sheffield, a rooftop business at 3627 N. Sheffield Ave. They also own Just Great Tickets, a Chicago-area ticket broker. Hamid declined to comment, and Goby could not be reached.

In the lawsuit, MB Financial Bank alleges that their rooftop business has about $6 million outstanding on three loans. The largest loan went into default in September. Hamid, Goby and their ticket company guaranteed the loans, the complaint said.

Let me just say a) Skybox on Sheffield is my favorite rooftop, b) suddenly, buying out Skybox on Sheffield just got a lot easier for the Ricketts family; and c) this explains all the emails I got from Skybox on Sheffield last year trying to lure me in with ever-decreasing prices.

And in news I know you’ve all been waiting for, Wrigley Talk Friday will return next Friday, February 8, at 2 pm. Woo! Now your entire week is made. You’re welcome.