Today I saw this post on 10 Ways to Pick Up A Date While Watching Sports, and frankly, it was not helpful.
So instead, I’ve created a list of 10 things a female SHOULD NOT DO if you want to pick up a date while watching sports.
1. Try not to mention Tim Tebow’s abs or Tom Brady’s hair more than twice. (I suggest you mix it up. Colin Kaepernick’s tattoos perhaps.)
2. While at an NFL game, always take the seat closest to the aisle. You never know when Bane will try and demolish a municipal stadium again.
3. Never let a man spoon with you after he has eaten hot wings (This is from personal experience. Don’t. Just don’t.)
4. Never ask about the sandwich bag full of oregano hidden in his left sock. Or the beer hidden in his fro. I would suggest offering to hide food in your purse for him, but we’re not allowed to do that anymore. Thanks NFL.
5. DO get excited if you make it on the video board. No one likes the person who pretends they’re too cool to be excited to be on the video board.
6. If he’s crying in the middle of the game (even though things are going well), it’s probably a fantasy football thing. Sympathize (or laugh if your fantasy team is doing well).
7. Don’t let a man “flirt” with you by dissing your team. Shoot that shit down.
8. Skip the makeup. Paint your face the team’s colors.
9. Don’t sound stupid. Do your research; know a few players; ask smart questions. Guys will like that you’re interested.
10. Don’t go to a sporting event to pick up guys. Seriously, just watch the game.
Emily Ritter is a contributing writer to Aerys Offsides. She tweets about her misadventures with boys in the sports fandom @ebritter.